Cynically Yours
by M.M. Mendell
Summary: "A fated destiny... To be honest, I'd rather not." Though this world had a lot of fascinating things, a soulmate was something that he could do without. The whole thing just seemed so troublesome. (There's a spinning compass on his wrist and an ache deep in his bones, but Tadashi refuses to let that stop him. Not now, when he can finally start over.) [Soulmate AU, SI/OC]
1. vita ante acta

**Notes/Warnings:** canon-typical violence, soulmate au, friends to lovers, lots of family feels and fluff with a healthy amount of Drama™.

 **Pairings:** main pairing will be Gaara/OC, but there will be plenty of side pairings, including Sakura/Ino, Shikamaru/Temari, Hana/Anko, Kiba/Kankurō, and others.

* * *

["vita ante acta"- _a life done before_ ]

* * *

"Father?"

"Hm?" Ensui looked down at his son, who had the same serious expression as always. "What is it?"

Tadashi held up his wrist, solemnly presenting the compass drawn there in careful strokes of ink. "It stopped spinning."

"So it has." Ensui gently gripped his son's wrist, pulling it closer so that he could see the markings there. "The needle is still moving quite a bit though, so it likely isn't someone in Konoha."

Tadashi's silence told him that he had already realized that.

"...Is that going to be a problem?"

Ensui sighed, muttering a quick "troublesome", and sat down on the wooden floorboards, pulling his son into his lap. Tadashi went willingly, curling into a little ball and burying his face in his father's chest. For such a standoffish kid, he sure did like to cuddle.

He ran his hand through Tadashi's hair, tugging on the end of his ponytail. He took a second to marvel at how small his son was— only a little older than three years old, and still so fragile. In some ways, he wished that his son would stay this way forever. In others, he just wanted him to grow up already— so that he could figure out how to keep himself _safe_.

And though Ensui was determined to do everything he could for his son, there were some things that he couldn't change. The choice of his soulmate was one of them.

"I don't know," he answered honestly, addressing the earlier question. "A soulmate is someone who is supposed to match you completely. That can mean a lot of things. Perhaps they'll be the partner you need, or your greatest rival. It's said that Uchiha Madara and Senju Tobirama were soulmates, after all."

Tadashi looked up at him blankly. "Didn't they try to kill each other? Like, _all the time?_ "

Ensui shrugged. "Doesn't change the fact that they were destined to be soulmates."

"That's not very encouraging," Tadashi said, shoulders slumping in dismay.

Ensui blinked, a bit surprised. Tadashi had never seemed very interested in the idea of a soulmate— sure, he'd asked questions about things when they came to him, but he'd never wondered who his soulmate could be, or asked about Ensui's at all. It was more like he'd been interested in the abstract _concept_ of a soulmate, not the actual reality of it.

So this sudden emotion was... unexpected, to say the least.

"I don't know what to tell you," Ensui said, though his voice had gentled. "This person —whoever they are— could become the best thing in the world for you, or the worst. There isn't anything we can do about that. Whatever happens, you'll just have to make the best of it."

"...Alright," Tadashi said finally, bringing his hand close to his chest. He cradled it, then snuggled further into his father's embrace. "I suppose that's fine. I wasn't expecting much anyway."

Ensui huffed. "Geez, you're such a depressing child. What if your soulmate turns out to be the greatest person ever, huh? You don't _know_."

"Or maybe they'll kill me," Tadashi pointed out, his face cast with a gloomy expression.

Ensui rolled his eyes, but on the inside he was barely resisting a laugh. This kid was a riot. Who would've thought that such an endearing brat could come from a person like him?

Subconsciously, his thumb pressed hard against the compass on his wrist. The faded gray needle was _spinning, spinning, spinning_. His own soulmate had died many years ago.

"Maybe. I guess that we'll just have to wait and find out."

(|||)

When Ensui had first seen Tadashi, his initial thought had been; _oh shit, he looks like me._

This had been a couple of months after Tadashi was born— Ensui hadn't known that he even _existed_ until that moment. Ensui had never dated, never held a long-term relationship. This was not, like the popular opinion, because of the death of his soulmate. He missed her, true, but he hadn't wanted to be in a relationship with her, either. Ensui didn't want to be in a relationship with _anyone_.

The whole thing just seemed far too troublesome.

He didn't mind some casual sex though, and Tadashi had resulted from that.

Ensui didn't regret it. Tadashi was a pain, but he was Ensui's kid, and he could _never_ regret that.

But in that first meeting, Ensui had been at a loss. What the hell was he supposed to do with a kid?

"If he'd looked normal, I would've kept him," the woman had said, matter-of-factly (Ensui hadn't bothered to remember her name. Honestly, he didn't feel that bad about it). "But he's a Nara, through and through. I don't want to raise a shinobi. He's your responsibility now."

"Uh..." Ensui had replied, very intelligently. "Thanks?"

With that, he'd had a baby dumped in his arms, and a whole new chapter in his life had begun to unfold. It was not an easy one.

Tadashi was a relatively good baby, eating whatever was offered to him and going straight to sleep. But he was always so _expressionless_. Ensui was never quite sure whether he was doing something wrong— it was impossible to tell with a child that didn't react to anything.

At one point, in complete desperation, he'd brought Tadashi to see Shikaku. His cousin was a lazy ass, sure, but no one could deny his perceptiveness. If anyone could find out why Tadashi was acting this way, it would be him.

"Hm..." Shikaku had studied Tadashi intently, who only stared stoically back. At that, Shikaku had smirked. "Seems to me that he's just a serious little guy. Maybe he's bored? He is a Nara, after all."

Ensui had accepted that answer with nothing else to go by, and just kept on treating his son normally. Tadashi _was_ a Nara. If something was wrong, he'd find a way to communicate that. Ensui had faith in his kid.

As he got older, Tadashi began to walk and speak, still with that same solemn expression. Ensui had long stopped worrying about it, though. Far as anyone could tell, it was just Tadashi's personality.

Ensui still remembered when he had been training with shuriken one day, and had teasingly held one out to Tadashi, dangling it tauntingly, just out of his grasp.

Tadashi had reached up, lighting-quick, and smacked the shuriken out of his father's hand.

" _No_ ," he'd said bluntly, giving the man a disapproving look.

Ensui couldn't help himself— he'd burst out laughing.

So, in the end, Ensui had just shrugged and gone along with it.

Tadashi was a good kid. That's all he cared about.

(|||)

Tadashi gently traced his fingers over the compass on his wrist. He rocked back and forth, and watched the needle follow his movements.

It was strange, knowing that something as deep and philosophical as soulmates actually _existed_ in this world. Perhaps not with the same definition as his old world —though, that too was up to debate— but _still_. He wondered what the science behind it was. Just how were people chosen to have their fates intertwined in this way?

At first, he'd suspected that it was a matter of evolution— that you were paired with the person most likely to help you survive and carry on your family line. But that didn't account for the soulmates who were mortal enemies— or ones that were of the same sex. Usually, that meant that there would be no biological children involved. So, then what?

His current theory was that it was the result of a jutsu, somehow. Tadashi still held a healthy skepticism towards the things that everyone claimed jutsu could do, but he couldn't deny the results. He'd seen people breath fire, or help trees grow, or make their shadows stretch and dance. Jutsus were the real deal, no doubt.

People didn't really seem to ask too many questions about it. To them, it was just a fact of life, something that had always been there. To Tadashi, it was _fascinating_.

Just think of the possibilities!

What was so important about a compass, for example? Why had the fates decided that it was the _proximity_ of your soulmate that mattered the most? Why not a description, or even a symbol that was unique only to the mated pair?

But even as his excitement was rising, Tadashi's mood came crashing down. He tapped the needle on his wrist, the one that pointed to a soulmate that had just been born. A soulmate _outside_ of the village. Most likely, they would be an enemy. Tadashi might even face them on the battlefield one day.

Selfishly, he wished that he wouldn't.

"I hope you're a good person," he whispered, bending over and resting his forehead on the mark. "I'm not much of a good person myself, but I'm willing to _try_. That's all that I ask."

Tadashi was grateful for this new life, these new _opportunities_ , but something inside of him was still afraid. He couldn't help but shy away from this new and alien place where things were so different from what he remembered— even the _air_ tasted different, the huge trees of Konohagakure lending a sickly-sweet aftertaste to every breath he took.

Tadashi wasn't sure what he was going to do. He would be a shinobi, sure, but what kind? Did he want to go into medicine or stealth? Did he want to aim for Anbu, or would he just be content as a chūnin? He _didn't know_. There was so much about this world that he didn't know.

For now, it seemed like he would just have to try his best. That's all that anyone could do, in the end.

* * *

 **notes** :

Here it is! The fic I've devoted the last several months of my life towards. (In retrospect, not exactly the best decision.) Regardless, I hope you're all ready! Tadashi has a rough ride ahead of him. :)

Let me know what you think, and feel free to come ask any questions on my tumblr! (Or if you just wanna squeal about Naruto with me, that's cool too.)

[mm-mendell]


	2. concordia parvae res crescunt

["concordia parvae res crescunt"- _small things grow in harmony_ ]

* * *

Tadashi looked down at the squirming bundle in his hands and let out a quiet noise of distress.

"Stop that," he said sternly.

Shikamaru, who clearly wanted to be put down _right now_ , didn't seem to care much for his opinion. Tadashi couldn't really blame him— it wasn't like he was exactly happy with this situation either.

He still wasn't quite sure why he was even _here_. All he remembered was that his father had shoved him through the door, muttering something about how much he hated Ame, and then left. Uncle Shikaku had simply sighed, before plopping Shikamaru in his arms and walking away.

So now, he was staring down at his infant cousin. There was only just enough hair on his head to pull it back into a tiny ponytail, and his face seemed to be set into an eternally deadpan expression. Tadashi could appreciate that— he would even approve of it, if it wasn't for the fact that Shikamaru apparently _could not stand_ being held.

And Tadashi had no idea of what he was supposed to do! Shikaku hadn't said anything that Tadashi should be aware of before he left, so now he was just at a complete loss.

How was one supposed to act towards a baby? ...Was he supposed to feed it?

Shikamaru babbled out a stream of nonsense words, though with that look on his face, it seemed entirely judgmental.

"This isn't my fault," Tadashi said in disgruntlement, shifting Shikamaru's position in his lap so that he would be a bit more comfortable. "Don't blame me."

The baby took one look at his unhappy face, and promptly spat up all over Tadashi's shirt.

"That was very unnecessary," he said, his voice strained as he tried to hide his disgust. _Oh god, the smell._

"Tadashi-kun, what are you— oh my!"

Yoshino hurried over, taking Shikamaru away from him. "I'm so sorry! Here, let me take care of him. He needs to have his lunch soon anyway. Why don't you go clean up?"

"That sounds like a good idea," Tadashi said graciously, standing up. He pulled off his shirt, gingerly holding the soiled cloth away from his body.

"Thank you for watching over him," Yoshino said, bouncing the grumpy child in her arms. "Five years old, and already so responsible!"

"It's not a problem," Tadashi shrugged and looked away, a bit uncomfortable with the praise.

Yoshino just laughed. The golden compass on her wrist moved only slightly, indicating that her soulmate was somewhere close. He'd heard her doing dishes in the kitchen, so she must have taken her wristband off to prevent it from getting wet. Judging by the position of the needle there, Shikaku ought to be returning home from wherever he had wandered to. "Well, I hope I can count on you more in the future!"

Tadashi blanched.

(|||)

It did, much to his dismay, end up becoming a regular thing. Though, as months passed and the two children became closer, Tadashi found that he didn't mind it as much. Sure, Shikamaru still seemed to enjoy throwing up everywhere (now out of pure _spite_ — he was far past the stage where spitting up was common) and could never just _stay still_ , but he honestly wasn't that much of a handful.

Slowly, quietly, Tadashi had been growing ever fonder of his cousin. And it was lucky, too— or he never would have reacted so quickly on that fateful night.

His father was gone, again. Now that Tadashi was at a reasonable age, he had started taking on more missions. Tadashi _understood_ , even if he didn't like it. It just meant that he was spending a lot more time with Shikamaru— which, again, was much less tiring now that the baby had stopped trying to escape.

Tadashi wasn't sure where he would even _go_ , anyways. Shikamaru was a little over five months old at that point, and thus just starting to roll around. Of course, even though he was still very young, he was able to use this to his full advantage.

But Tadashi no longer minded chasing after him quite as much. He'd begun to find it endearing, even.

In faint memories, moments that he had firmly locked away into the deepest recesses of his mind, Tadashi remembered having many siblings. He couldn't remember their names, or faces. But he remembered the love that they shared, even when it seemed like the whole world was against them.

He missed it, sometimes. But Tadashi would never let it depress him for long. Those were memories of a place he couldn't go back to— there was no point in being sad about something that he couldn't change.

So, he grew used to Shikamaru, and began to love him as well.

And that night, Shikamaru was sleeping. Yoshino was asleep too, and Shikaku still hadn't returned home from a late-night meeting, but Tadashi just couldn't do it. There was some kind of heaviness to the air, something dark and frightening. So he lay awake, unable to relax while the scent of death drifted so densely through the village.

Then there was the first explosion.

Startled screams ripped through the quiet night, and Tadashi's eyes flew open. He scrambled up, before letting out a surprised gasp at the sudden pressure. The air seemed to press down on his skin, pinning him in place and making him gag. Nevertheless, he stumbled through the doorway of the guest bedroom, almost mindless in his urgency to protect Shikamaru.

Yoshino met him half-way there, her face dabbed with sweat as she attempted to move through all the rage hanging in the air.

" _T-Tadashi—_ " she choked out, weakly reaching for him. He stepped forward with difficulty, grabbing her hand and leaning against the wall to try and keep both of them upright.

"What is that?" Tadashi managed to say, his tongue feeling leaden and uncooperative in his mouth.

"Killing intent," she said, blinking rapidly, "but, I've never felt it like this before. This is— is, pure—"

 _Hatred_ , Tadashi finished grimly.

Yoshino slowly stumbled down the hallway, bringing the two of them to Shikamaru's room. Sluggishly, they opened the door and went inside. Shikamaru was there, but the only reason Tadashi knew that was because of the tuft of dark hair visible in his crib.

The child was deathly silent.

A cry of terror ripped out of Yoshino's throat, and suddenly it seemed like there wasn't anything holding her back. She was across the room in a flash, cradling her son even as Tadashi continued to struggle. She was whispering to Shikamaru, voice cracking with devastation.

He let out a strangled wail in response, and the two of them breathed a sigh of relief. Tadashi finally made his way over to the two, and that was how they spent the rest of the night— curled around each other, trying to breath through the stench of fear and malice in the air. They could hear roars of anger and screams of pain in the distance, but there was nothing they could do. They had to wait.

When it finally ended, it was so sudden and abject that Tadashi found himself coughing, trying to get used to having all the air back in his lungs. Yoshino rubbed his back, whispering soothing phrases in his ear.

That's how Shikaku found them when he returned, racing into the room at the fastest pace Tadashi had ever seen. The look of relief on his face when he saw them was almost embarrassing, but Tadashi couldn't find it in him to shy away from the hug that followed.

"What happened?" Yoshino demanded, her voice hoarse.

Shikaku's expression was grim. "The Kyūbi. Hokage-sama... Minato is dead."

Yoshino gasped, her face twisted in horror and sorrow. "So, Kushina—"

"Also dead," he nodded, looking especially weary. "But the Kyūbi has been sealed away. There's that, at least."

"What's the damage?" Tadashi cut in, holding his uncle's surprised gaze calmly. Then he looked away, a shadow crossing his face. "For a moment there, I... I thought I was going to _die_. I couldn't breathe. And Shikamaru—"

Tadashi trailed off, unable to shake away the image of his baby cousin, dead.

Shikaku let out a long breath, grief clouding his expression. "It's pretty bad. The damage to the village itself wasn't awful, since the Hokage managed to drive the Kyūbi to the outskirts fairly quickly. But all that killing intent... the civilians were likely hit the hardest. Children, infants, expectant mothers... It's much harder for them to withstand that kind of pressure. Out of the clans, I'm guessing that the Aburame and the Uchiha have sustained the most damage. Their kekkei genkais aren't supposed to be aggravated too much at a young age, and any of children... Well, there's going to be causalities, for everyone. We _will_ recover. But it's going to take time."

Tadashi briefly shut his eyes, trying to deny what he'd been told. But then he let out a shaky breath, and accepted it. Many people had likely lost their lives, on this night. Whether as a matter of joining the battle, or because of some kind of chakra overload. What had Yoshino called it? 'Killing Intent'?

But for now, he put his curiosity aside. He huddled closer into the embrace of his relatives, trying to soothe Shikamaru's fearful hiccups.

"T-tada," the child blubbered, reaching up to latch onto him. For once, Tadashi went along without protest, holding him close.

This night... he'd been so scared. He'd been _terrified_. And why? Because he'd been _helpless_. There was nothing he could have done in that situation, no clever escape or last-second strategy to put into play.

It rather reminded him of what it felt like to die.

Tadashi _never_ wanted to feel that way again.

(|||)

As everyone grew and changed, Tadashi began preparing to enter the Academy.

He was eight years old now, and (grudgingly) ready to venture beyond the clan compound and see the rest of what this world had to offer.

A part of him was excited— several clans in the village had kekkai genkais, what exactly were those like? What kind of genetic information had to be passed down in order to bring about these marvels of nature? What were the people like outside of his clan?

But another part of him was terrified— _what if they think I'm weird? Everyone in my clan is so chill that they don't care when I do strange things, but what about the other villagers? What are the people like outside of my clan?_

It was nerve-wracking, to say the very least. And Shikamaru wasn't helping.

"I don't see why you have to go," he grumbled, his small hands tangled in the hem of Tadashi's shirt.

"If you want to be a ninja, you have to go to the academy," Tadashi reminded him, trying to subtly pull himself free before he ended up being late on the first day of school. He'd tried to escape without his cousin noticing him, but Shikamaru had been waiting at the front gate to ambush him.

"Why?"

"To get strong."

"Why?"

 _Oh, we're playing this game._ Tadashi thought to himself, before shaking his head and answering aloud; "In order to protect the village."

" _Why?_ "

Sighing, Tadashi dropped down to his knees so that he could look Shikamaru in the eye.

"Because you're here," he said seriously, reaching out to rest a hand on his head. "You and Father and Aunty and Uncle and everyone else. I want to protect this village because I know that it will be the most beneficial way for me to protect _you_."

Shikamaru studied him for a long moment, evaluating that statement with the incredibly sharp mind that some moron had seen fit to give him.

"Alright," he said finally, though he still eyed Tadashi with deep suspicion, as if he expected him to just wander off somewhere if he didn't have explicit supervision.

Tadashi resisted the urge to roll his eyes, but only barely. "Well, I'm glad we got that all straightened out. Can I have my shirt back now, please?"

Shikamaru pouted, but did as he was asked. He shot Tadashi one last accusing stare before shuffling back over to where his mother was standing, talking to some of the other clan members.

Tadashi let out a huff of amusement, but then stood. He hovered by the gate, looking out into the unknown world beyond. Though he'd been so excited to see what the rest of the village had to offer, now he found himself feeling rather... apprehensive.

But he couldn't let that stop him.

So Tadashi took a deep breath, steeled himself, and walked through the gate.


	3. omne initium difficile est

["omne initium difficile est"- _every beginning is difficult_ ]

* * *

Tadashi _hated_ the academy. It was literally the worst thing. And honestly? It wasn't the students. It wasn't the teachers. It was the _content_.

God, he'd thought that taking calculus had been bad— he'd _gladly_ go back to that if it meant that he didn't have to suffer through basic algebra again. He hated having to sit here and pretend that he had no idea what he was doing. And probably the most infuriating part of the whole thing was that no one _expected_ him to do well anyways!

"Naras always do pretty shitty in tests," his father had said, shrugging nonchalantly. "Our brains aren't really equipped to do that kind of thinking. Of course it's different for everyone, but our clan typically does terrible class work and excellent field work, _so_. The Academy teachers aren't gonna harp on you as long as you keep up with the exercises."

While it was probably intended to be a comforting statement, all it did was fuel his anger. Seriously, _what the fuck?_ So, it was actually _acknowledged_ by people that the way they were trying to teach Nara children wasn't working, and their solution for that was to just _stop caring?_

Shit, his schooling system had never been that great back home, but at least they acknowledged and tried to work with the fact that children had different learning styles.

And if this is how it was for children of major clans, how was it for children of minor clans, or from civilian backgrounds? He had already realized that (unless they had some kind of kekkai genkai), those children were often marginalized and pushed to the side.

It was so infuriating, especially since he _understood_ that. He knew what it was like to have a person take one look at you and completely dismiss you as having any value. The patronizing stares, the disbelief. It had always eaten away at him like some kind of parasite, filling him with an unhealthy and directionless anger.

But now, he was too tired. He hated the academy, hated the teachers for being complicit and the students for being ignorant, but he was so _tired_ of hatred.

Tadashi wasn't that person anymore. So he stayed silent and continued turning in adequate assignments. Luckily, it wasn't all paperwork or he would have gone completely insane.

He'd thought that the physical workouts would wait a little longer, but he wasn't complaining. Tadashi actually liked it, a lot. It reminded him of basic training. His teachers were baffled of course, unable to understand why a _Nara_ was trying so hard, but Tadashi ignored them.

They didn't deserve his explanations, not if they didn't even _try_.

Unfortunately, all of these things —mixed with his personality, which he could admit wasn't... the most welcoming, especially in the perspective of a child— meant that he didn't actually have any friends. It was his own fault.

On the first day of school, he'd been cautiously optimistic. There was going to be several of his clanmates in his year, after all. So even if he didn't make friends with anyone else, he'd be okay. But then none of them ended up in the same class, and they barely got a chance to interact otherwise!

And he'd tried with the other children, _really_ he had, but they were all _so young_.

It was really annoying.

Tadashi couldn't count the number of times someone had interrupted class for some stupid comment, or said something incredibly rude and insensitive because they thought it was _funny_. Fuck, it was like being in middle school all over again.

Safe to say, Tadashi wasn't very popular in class. He just couldn't hold himself back from correcting people, or offering long-winded explanations to any of the question that interested him. He... was aware of the scorn it brought upon him, but he was okay with that.

 _Really_.

(|||)

Tadashi was ten years old now, and in his third year of the academy. He would graduate next year, on-track, with no complications. His classmates still thought he was an insufferable know-it-all, and his teachers continued to be incompetent, so not much had really changed.

He'd gotten a lot more used to coming home to an empty house, though. Naras who specialized in combat were few and far between, and one who was as confident in his skills as Nara Ensui was even rarer. So it made sense that he was being contacted for missions all the time.

 _Intellectually_ , Tadashi understood it. That didn't mean that he wasn't lonely.

Perhaps that was what compelled him to stop, that day. He could never really know for sure, but it didn't matter in the end. He didn't regret it.

In the many months where he'd been forced to interact with people, he'd grown accustomed to the sound of children laughing. It no longer grated on his nerves, which was a plus. But something that always did bring about his ire?

The sound of children _crying_.

He'd only just left the academy and was on his way home. It all happened in the park nearby, and honestly? If it had happened on any other day, he probably would have walked right on by. He tried not to interfere too much in the affairs of others— even with Shikamaru, he preferred letting him deal with troublesome situations on his own. But Tadashi had been feeling particularly vulnerable that day, his mind filled with thoughts of all the chores he'd have to do once he got back to an cold and dusty home.

So when he heard the commotion— a series of childish taunts, the hiccuping sobs of kid who must have been around _Shikamaru's_ age, well. Tadashi stopped.

He stomped into the park, scowling fiercely. He came upon the group with ease— all he had to do was follow the sound of _overwhelming stupidity._

"Hey, what the hell do you think you're doing?" Tadashi barked, roughly pulling one of the boys out of the way. He didn't bother listening to their sputtering, kneeling down so that he could look the child in the eye.

It was a little Hyūga kid, her (okay, somewhat eerie) eyes wide with surprise at his interference.

"Are you hurt?" he asked seriously, not getting any closer. She looked like she was the type to get spooked easily.

"N-no," she stuttered, then a fresh wave of humiliation went across her face. She looked close to tears again, and Tadashi panicked.

"Good, that's good," he said gruffly, then stood abruptly. He turned around, facing the perpetrators of this incident— and surprise, they were some of his classmates. God, how _pathetic_. They had to have been at least three years older than this girl, what the fuck was their problem?

"Got something to say, Nara?" One of them snarled, curling his hands into fists. Tadashi didn't remember his name. He didn't remember _any_ of their names, actually. Oops.

Tadashi ignored his inner thoughts and simply pinned the three of them with a judgmental Look. He had a lot of practice with Looks— they often said more than his words ever could.

But it seemed that this Look wasn't quite as effective as normal. The boys quailed for a moment, before seeming to take strength in numbers and regain their strength.

The Alpha Douche stepped forward and tried to shove Tadashi back. He barely moved an inch, and just increased the severity of his Look, even adding in a raised eyebrow to make it as silently criticizing as possible. All his years of studying the facial expressions of Spock had served him well.

(He also enjoyed utilizing the overdramatic ways of Captain Kirk, but had yet to find much of an opportunity for it in a land ruled by a military state.)

His opponent backed away, seemingly without fully realizing it, and then spat bitterly on the ground. "Well, I guess it makes sense for freaks like you to band together. Have fun by yourselves, _losers_. After all, we all know that your soulmates aren't gonna want you."

At that, Tadashi faltered. Against his will, he clutched his wrist and cradled it to his chest. _How could he have not noticed?_ Though, to be fair, he still wasn't quite used to all of this. He hadn't mastered the quick glance everyone else gave to see the state of someone's compass— black, if they hadn't met yet, covered if they had, and a faded gray if they had met but one of them was dead. Two of the boys in front of him had covered wrists, meaning that they had already encountered their soulmates. One of them still had a black compass, and looked distinctly uncomfortable with the direction that the conversation had gone.

Sensing a weakness, the leader went in for the kill. "I mean really, needles that move as much as yours? You'll probably meet your soulmates on a bloody field somewhere, when you're both on the brink of death. Ha, but don't worry— maybe you'll have better luck in the _next_ life."

Behind him, Tadashi heard the Hyūga girl let out a sob as she began crying anew.

One of the boys —the one with the black compass— came forward, his expression shading towards alarmed. "Mamoru, I think that's enough—"

Mamoru sneered and opened his mouth, looking like he was gonna spit out some other vile comment, but Tadashi didn't let him get that far.

Now, even when caught in the throes of blinding fury, he was still a Nara. And though the Naras could be described as many things, they were _undeniably_ intelligent. So he didn't punch the little brat. That would've only hurt his hand— there were a lot of bones in the face, and though it might feel satisfying to break a couple of them, it wasn't worth the pain that it would inflict on him. So Tadashi did the next best thing.

He kneed Mamoru in the crotch.

Watching the brat pale and fold over with a pitiful whine was honestly one of the best things he'd ever seen in this new life. When he stared up at him with watery eyes, having the actual audacity to seem _surprised_ , Tadashi let loose.

"You think you're fucking _funny?_ " he hissed, leaning down and gripping the boy's chin so that he couldn't look away. "You think it's _cute_ , what you're doing? Harassing people, trying to hurt someone else just to make you feel superior. Well _congratulations_ asshole, you made a little girl cry. I bet you just feel like the big fucking _hero_ now, huh?"

"You—" Mamoru bit his lip, actually looking like he was going to start crying for a moment, before he roughly shoved Tadashi away. "Whatever, Nara! You're such a _jerk!_ "

With that, he stomped away, his two followers scrambling to catch up with him.

A part of Tadashi, a part that was small and strangled but still there, felt rather... guilty. They were only children, really. But that didn't excuse what they were doing, what he had _said_. So Tadashi did feel a little guilty, but he didn't _regret_ it.

Instead, he decided to attend to the person that really mattered in this case.

"Sorry you had to see that," Tadashi apologized, holding out a hand to help her up. He waited patiently while she hesitated, trapped in the cage her anxiety formed. It was pretty obvious— he didn't hold it against her.

Finally, she accepted and stood. She bowed to him deeply, roughly rubbing at her cheeks to try and get rid of the tear tracks.

"Thank you very much, Nara-san," she said softly, attempting to regain some of the polite Hyūga countenance that she had no doubt been drilled over time and time again. "My name is Hyūga Hinata. You have my gratitude for the great service that you've done me today."

Tadashi kind of wanted to scoff at the flowery phrases she was spouting off, but she'd just been through a pretty bad experience. He would let it slide, just this once.

"No problem," he said instead, slouching a bit and lifting his head to stare at the sky in order to avoid her gaze. "But, mind if I give you some advice?"

" _Please_ ," Hinata whispered, though her expression made the statement much more apprehensive than one might have believed at first glance.

Tadashi sighed, and then extended his wrist. He showed her the black compass, swinging back and forth with every slight movement that he made. After a moment, Hinata shyly showed her own wrist. It was spinning even more than Tadashi's, which meant that her soulmate had to be very far away indeed.

"This is our fate," he said seriously, and this time he looked her right in the eye. "But it is not _who we are_. We cannot choose our soulmate, and we cannot alter what destiny has in store for us. But you don't have to let that _chain_ you. Work with what you're given, find out how to test the boundaries. If you don't like something, _work to change it._ And whether we meet our soulmates on the battlefield or not, we _will_ meet them. And we can work on things from there."

Honestly, Tadashi wasn't sure of the reliability of all the bullshit he was spouting out, but since Hinata hadn't declared him a fraud and had him thrown out of Konoha yet, he figured he was safe. And sure, maybe he was a bit of hypocrite. He wasn't exactly all that invested in getting a soulmate, after all. But... Hinata looked like she needed something to hold onto. So he'd give her this, and hope it would help her find the strength she needed.

"And, if people start saying mean things?" Hinata said hesitantly, staring up at him with those sad-kitten eyes.

"Fuck them," Tadashi said bluntly, ignoring the little gasp that Hinata gave in response to his vulgarity. "Their opinions don't mean shit. So take care of it if you can, and _ask for help_ if you can't. That's all you can really do."

Hinata bit her lip, but then nodded in determination. "O-okay. Thank you! I'll do my best!"

With that, she bowed again before scampering off. Tadashi was left alone in an empty park, scratching his head and wondering _what the hell just happened,_ exactly.

Somehow, he got the feeling that he had just started something.


	4. dum spiro spero

["dum spiro spero"- _while I breathe, I hope_ ]

* * *

"Congratulations, Tadashi-kun," Sensei said, smiling at the faint happiness clear in Tadashi's expression. "It took some work, but you've officially passed the final exam."

Tadashi bowed deeply, clutching the headband close to his chest. "Thank you very much."

Sensei waved him off, chuckling lightly. "Go on, now! I think I've kept you trapped in this classroom long enough."

Tadashi looked away, the tiniest bit of guilt curling in his stomach. Over the last few years of the academy, his disdain for the system had apparently not been _quite_ as unnoticeable as he had hoped. But nevertheless, he bowed again before taking his leave.

There was still a decent amount of students left, waiting to take their turn for the final part of the exam, and when he walked past them, he was deeply glad to see that most paid him no mind. When the academy had become stricter, the students had finally started catching up to him in terms of seriousness. They started to look into their specialization, which departments they hoped to get into, and tons of other important things that could have a really significant impact on the rest of their lives.

Tadashi didn't have much faith in the ability of the average twelve-year old to act very responsible, but it did make many of them drop their previous quarrels and grievances, so he could only assume that it was a good thing. When you were tired from training all day, you didn't have the energy to try pushing around your classmates.

Regardless, Tadashi was glad that they were all moving forwards. He didn't think he'd ever look back to his time at the academy as _fond memories_ , but he was satisfied with what he'd accomplished there.

He headed out to the front gate, still holding the headband. He wasn't quite sure where to put it. Technically, he should wrap it around his forehead, right? But he wasn't sure that he liked that kind of weight, and he was afraid of it slipping at a crucial point in battle...

Tadashi contemplated this with a serious expression as he made the long trek back to the Nara compound. Above him, the sky was stained with orange and red, indicating that the day was drawing to a close.

If Tadashi was more of a romantic, he would say that it was a metaphor, a way to showcase the changing times he was living in. But he wasn't, so he didn't.

Still, as Tadashi finally got home, he stood and stared at the gates for a moment. There was a swelling of emotion inside him, something too tangled up and complicated for him to really understand.

Then he huffed, feeling a bit foolish for his whimsical thoughts, and headed inside.

(|||)

When he got back to his house, the lights were off, as he had expected. His father had been absent for almost two weeks now, and Tadashi was beginning to get worried despite himself. He tried not to think about his father's missions too much— mainly because there wasn't anything he could do about it, anyway. But he'd said that he wouldn't be gone too long this time, that he would be able to return in time for Tadashi's graduation.

Though he would never admit it, Tadashi had felt a little disheartened to realize that it likely wouldn't happen.

He loved his father, he _did_ — more than almost anything else in the world (matched only by his other family members, mainly Shikamaru), but at moments like these, when he was left all alone in a world that still didn't feel quite _real_ , well.

Tadashi got angry, sometimes. And all that did was make him more sad, because Tadashi was _so sick_ of being angry.

He unlocked the door, pausing for a moment to pull off his shoes, and then headed inside. The house was dark, but it didn't bother him. He didn't turn any of the lights on, preferring to just make his way into the kitchen without stopping. Vaguely, he wondered if there was any eggs left. He felt like making some scrambled eggs. Maybe he'd make a whole meal out of it— add some french toast, get a glass of milk... Having breakfast for dinner sounded really good right now.

These plans were derailed almost immediately, of course, by the people currently lurking in his kitchen.

"Uh..." Shikamaru said, face almost guilty. "Surprise?"

Ino and Choji echoed the sentiments, though it was a bit muffled. Not surprising, seeing as their mouths were full. Full of the last bits of his dark chocolate ' _you're awesome and deserve sweets_ ' cake. Tadashi made his own food, had ever since he was a little kid (even in his other life) but desserts were his guilty pleasure.

He sighed, rolling his eyes. Reaching over, Tadashi flicked on the lights, ignoring the hisses of pain from the three thieves at the sudden brightness.

"Well, since you've apparently decided to help yourselves to my kitchen," he said dryly, making Choji and Shikamaru flinch with embarrassment and Ino let out a nervous giggle, "how about you help me make dinner?"

Choji was the first one to agree, jumping up with excitement. "Oh, sure thing Tadashi! I'd love to!"

Shikamaru slumped in his chair, letting out a groan. "I would, but... _this cake_. It was just so good, I don't think I can move anymore."

"Get off your lazy butt!" Ino demanded, pulling Shikamaru from the chair. "You were the one who told us that Tadashi wouldn't mind, so now it's _your_ responsibility to help out!"

Tadashi let out a little laugh at the bickering that ensued, happy that his home felt just a little less empty. He was fond of Ino and Choji— anyone who could make Shikamaru happy were okay in his book. They were good kids. When they first met him, they'd been a little shy. Choji had been unsure of what to say or do, afraid of causing a rift between him and Shikamaru if he did something to upset the other's cousin. Ino had been— well, _shy_ wasn't exactly the right word. Ino was never shy, even when she probably should have been. But she had been fluttery and almost overcompensating, trying to act as perfect as possible.

Thankfully, Tadashi had broken the two of them of those habits as soon as possible. Tadashi knew himself, and knew that he wasn't the most approachable guy around, but he wasn't a douchebag. And he _liked_ kids, really— as long as they weren't being disrespectful little jackasses. And even then, it was much easier to tolerate when they were younger than him— it was when they were supposed to be _his_ age and acted like jerks was when he drew the line.

"What do you wanna make?" Choji asked, standing on the tips of his toes to try and peer into the cabinets.

"Hm..." Tadashi thought for a moment, rifling through the fridge. As it turned out, he _did_ have enough eggs left. "Well, that depends. Are you lot gonna be staying for dinner?"

"Nah, I can't," Ino shook her head, pulling herself up so that she could sit on the counter. "Since today was the last day of school, my family always goes out to dinner."

"And my Dad always makes a huge feast for us!" Choji chimed in.

Tadashi looked at Shikamaru questioningly, who shrugged.

"Mom got pulled away on a recon mission, and you know how Dad is. We'll probably end up eating cold ramen or something."

"So, would you like to stay for dinner?" Tadashi asked, a bit of amusement rising at that mental image.

Being given explicit permission, Shikamaru brightened. "Yeah, I'll go ask Dad right now! He was home earlier, before we came over here, so I bet he's still there."

With that, he hustled off.

Ino huffed, washing her hands in the sink so that they could begin to prepare the meal. "Y'know the only times I see him move that fast are when the words _food_ , _sleep_ , or _clouds_ are mentioned."

Tadashi let out a little laugh, pulling out all of the ingredients they'd need. "Well, it's to be expected. He is a _Nara_ , after all."

(|||)

Ensui crept through the door, wincing when the old wood creaked lightly. He'd have to get that fixed soon, it wasn't very stealthy. After taking his shoes off and leaving them by the door, he began walking through the house to his son's bedroom. Passing by the kitchen, he felt a pang of guilt. There was dishes in the sink, and he imagined his son, eating dinner all alone on the night of his graduation.

Hopefully, Shikaku had done what he'd asked and come over.

Ensui hesitated for a moment, hovering outside his son's door. The lights were still on inside, and he found himself unsure if he wanted to disturb. But then he firmly pushed that aside— he hadn't seen his son in almost two weeks, his anxiety could take a hike, thanks.

He opened the door, still a bit nervous despite himself, only to suppress a laugh at the scene that greeted him.

Tadashi was lying practically _sideways_ on his bed, one hand flung over the side and the other covering his eyes from the brightness. He'd fallen asleep before turning his lights off, it seemed. Tadashi did that fairly often— he had terrible sleeping posture, and pretty much always passed out the second his head hit the pillow. Ensui could only imagine how that would turn out for him on missions.

Ensui stepped forward, careful not to wake him up. He stroked his son's cheek, a tender smile on his face.

"You did good, kid," he whispered. A small grin blossomed on Tadashi's sleeping face, as if he could hear the encouragement even when entrenched deep in dreamland. "I love you."

With that, Ensui kissed his son's forehead and gently moved a couple of his long strands of hair away from his face. He then stood, turning the lights off on his way out.

Tadashi would still be here in the morning, and so would Ensui. They could have a proper celebration then.

(|||)

When Tadashi went back to the academy a few days later, he was feeling refreshed and ready. Then he actually walked into the classroom, and his mood plummeted. His classmates were there. Of course, that was to be _expected_ , but somehow he had still assumed that he would never have to see any of these people again after graduation.

Team assignments were today. Tadashi didn't expect to be put on one of the primary combatant teams, but he still hoped that his teammates wouldn't be total jerks.

He took a seat in the very front, waiting patiently as Sensei began telling everyone the list of teams.

It had already gotten all the way up to Team Fourteen until Tadashi heard his name being called.

"Team Fifteen!" Sensei called out, eyes darting to Tadashi with a smile. "Nara Tadashi, Yakushi Kabuto, and Inuzuka Hana!"

Tadashi blinked, a bit surprised. He was going to be in a specialized team, apparently. Though—

"Who the heck is Kabuto?" Hana demanded, slamming her hands down in the desk as she asked the same thing that Tadashi was thinking.

"Well, I don't know him _personally_ ," Sensei said dryly, making Hana flush slightly and sit back down. "But I would assume that he has switched teams, for one reason or another. May I continue, now?"

Hana nodded, and Tadashi covered his smile with his hand, even as his mind was racing. There was a lot of reasons that someone would have to change to a different team. He just hoped, for this Kabuto's sake, that it wasn't because of anything deadly.

Sensei rattled off the rest of the names, some happy with their assignments, and some not. Tadashi was indifferent, really. Hana was intelligent and driven, if sometimes a bit too rash for his tastes, and he'd never met Kabuto. For now, he would withhold judgement.

"Alright," Sensei addressed the class once finished, surveying them all with a serious expression. "Your new Jōnin Sensei's will be arriving soon. This is a whole new chapter of your lives— you're officially adults now. I hope that you will treat this situation with the severity that it deserves."

 _Good luck with that_ , Tadashi thought wryly. 'Officially adults' they may be, but his classmates were all still young teenagers. _Real_ maturity wouldn't happen for a while.

When the Jōnin came in and teams started clearing out, Hana moved over to sit by him, her three ninken following eagerly.

"So, do you know this Kabuto guy?" she asked, tilting her head in curiosity.

Tadashi shook his head, and Hana let out a big sigh of frustration.

"Well, I guess it _could_ be worse," she said grudgingly. But then she perked up, smiling at him. "I'm glad that you're my other teammate! You're not annoying, like some of the other guys. But you _do_ look pretty gloomy most of the time, and it makes people think that you hate them. You might want to work on that."

"...Thanks?" Tadashi said awkwardly, unsure of how to respond to such a blunt observation.

The two then sat in silence— well, Tadashi sat uncomfortably and fiddled with a kunai as Hana played with her dogs. They were called the Three Haimaru Brothers, apparently. Hana didn't say how to tell them apart, and Tadashi was still a bit too apprehensive to ask.

It was a huge relief when their Sensei finally showed up, walking into the room with another boy at his heels. That must have been Kabuto.

"Team Fifteen?" the man called out, eyes darting around the room. Tadashi picked up a tiny amount of nervousness from him, too. It was reassuring, and he found himself responding alongside Hana. "Good! Follow me."

The two newly-minted genin jumped up and followed them out. They walked in silence until they reached the academy gate— even Hana, though she was clearly itching to say something.

Finally, their new Sensei turned and spoke. "My name is Namiashi Raidō. Feel free to just call me Raidō, or Raidō-san. As you might have guessed, this isn't a combat team. As such, I'm not going to be your sensei, so much as an advisor. If you need help with a technique, I'm here. If you need help with references for your specialization, I'll do everything I can. And I want you to know, that even if we aren't going to go through the same experiences as a combat team, I am _still here to help you._ And that offer applies even when you are no longer a genin."

Tadashi nodded in understanding, stuffing his hands in his pockets just to give himself something to do. So it was as he suspected, then. He was a little disappointed... but not much. This really _would_ be the best option for him. Even if he hadn't chosen anything that he wanted to focus in yet, it probably wouldn't be combat. Not straight, front-lines combat anyways.

Raidō smiled, the motion pulling at the twisted mess of scars on his face. "Alright, let's introduce ourselves. Name, strengths, weaknesses, what you hope to specialize in, and one interesting fact."

"I'll go!" Hana cheered, practically vibrating with anticipation. "My name is Inuzuka Hana! Um, strength? Well, my tracking is _awesome_ , and my medical ninjutsu is already decent! I have trouble working with all three of the Haimaru Brothers sometimes, though— we get all tangled up. I want to work as a veterinarian! I've already started volunteering in my family's clinic. And... Oh, I have a little brother! Two, actually, though one of them is our half-brother. That's it for me!"

"Thank you, Hana," Raidō nodded. "Kabuto, you wanna go?"

"Of course." The gray-haired kid, Kabuto, stepped forward. He adjusted his glasses for a second, and then with a friendly smile, he spoke. "My name is Yakushi Kabuto. My strength would be medical ninjutsu, and my weakness is hand-to-hand combat. I've already started working in the hospital, and plan to continue with that. The reason I'll be joining your team is because... Well, I attended the Chunin exams with my previous team. The other two passed, but I didn't. So I needed to stay with another team so that I could retake it when I'm ready. Please take care of me."

He ended his speech with a small bow, and Tadashi found himself automatically returning it. His eyes found the boy's wrist, which were covered with a black band. Hm. He'd met his soulmate, then. So had Raidō, by the looks of it, though Hana had a black compass inked onto her wrist, just like him.

Sternly, Tadashi told himself not to pry. He then turned, facing Raidō directly before he began. "My name is Nara Tadashi. I have performed well in tactics and sabotage. I am also proficient in ranged weapons. I struggle with any kind of undercover work. I have yet to choose a specialization, though there are several options I have been considering. For a fact, I..."

What was he supposed to say here? _Actually, I was reincarnated into this world from a place where there was no chakra, no shinobi, and no soulmates._ Yeah, that would go over well.

"I like to cook," he concluded, trying to cover up his awkward pause.

"Sounds wonderful," Raidō said, and his eyes had softened somehow. "Speaking of that, it's about lunchtime. How about we go out to eat? My treat."

"Awesome!" Hana cheered, and her ninken howled with excitement. "How about that awesome barbecue place?"

"Works for me," Kabuto's eyes closed briefly when he smiled. There was something tight about his expression, but Tadashi left it alone.

He knew quite well that he wasn't the best when judging other people's emotions, so he didn't want to accidentally interfere in something private. Instead, he followed along behind the rest of his team as they walked through the main streets of Konoha.

Tadashi was a real shinobi now. He could only hope that he was up to the challenge.


	5. eheu fugaces labuntur anni

["eheu fugaces labuntur anni"- _alas, the fleeting years slip by_ ]

* * *

"Yo, Tadashi!" Hana called out, running up to stand next to him.

Tadashi paused, turning to greet her with a faint smile. "Hello. Finished with work already?"

"Yep. We barely had anybody coming by, so Ma decided to let me go early. Figured I'd track down you nerds and see if you wanted to get some lunch."

Tadashi huffed at the ' _affectionate_ ' nickname, but he knew better than to protest. "Well, Raidō-san is still stuck on bedrest after his last mission, so we could probably get him and Genma-san to come with us. I have no idea where Kabuto is, though."

"Thought so…" Hana muttered, shoving her hands in her pockets with a vaguely guilty expression.

He wished that he could explain to her that it wasn't their fault, that Kabuto didn't even blame them _anyways_ , but it was hard. He knew where she was coming from– after working together for a year and a half, it was a bit disheartening to see your teammate pull away from you so thoroughly. True, Kabuto had always been distant with them. He spent most of his time in the hospital, and even during their weekly team lunches (that Hana had insisted on) he just smiled politely like he was going through the motions.

But Tadashi had always figured that it was because of his previous team, the one that had moved on without him. That would make anyone a bit wary of making new connections, right? He'd thought that things would relax more once they stabilized as a team.

And then, almost two years into their training, they'd taken the chunin exams. Hana and Tadashi had passed. Kabuto didn't.

And that was _not their fault_. Kabuto was the one who _surrendered_ in the middle of the third exam, for fuck's sake. Even Tadashi had passed that round with little difficulty, and he could happily admit that he was far from a front-line fighter.

Tadashi shook those thoughts away, concentrating on the present. If Kabuto wanted to sulk by himself, he was quite welcome to it. He just wished that Hana wasn't so saddened by it. Tadashi had truly grown to value her, as both a comrade and a friend, and he didn't want to see her so torn up about something that neither of them could control.

"Hey, what about Anko?" he said, swiftly guiding the topic away from their wayward teammate. "Do you think she'll still be tied up in T&I?"

Hana blushed deeply, and from a few paces behind her, the Three Haimaru Brothers let out little barks of laughter.

"W-why do you care?" Hana blustered, trying to cover up her embarrassment. She then scowled, pointing at him accusingly. "Besides, I thought that you hated her!"

Tadashi sighed, barely resisting the urge to roll his eyes. "I don't _hate_ her. Her… enthusiasm is just a bit too much for me. And even so, that doesn't mean I'm going to try and avoid her all the time. She's your girlfriend, isn't she? It's only right that we invite her along."

"She's my _soulmate_ ," Hana corrected, gently touching the black band on her wrist in a practiced motion. Tadashi kept his expression clear of any of the disdain he felt towards the term— this wasn't about him. She then turned, reaching out to punch him in the shoulder, her smile small but genuine. "Thanks, man. You've really come a long way, y'know that?"

Tadashi blinked in surprise, caught off-guard. "Ah… You really think so?"

He wasn't sure if that was a compliment or not.

Hana laughed, moving to walk ahead of him. " _Definitely!_ I always thought that you were just know-it-all jerk, but you weren't so bad once I got to know you. Ha, I look forward to seeing what you become!"

Tadashi huffed, a bit frustrated with her strange wording. He didn't think that he would ever understand other people. Things were so much simpler with his clan, who spoke bluntly and without censure. It would all be much easier if everyone else did the same.

"Whatever. Let's just go. Barbecue?"

"You know it!" Hana cheered.

Against his will, Tadashi felt a reluctant smile tugging at his lips. There were worse ways to spend his day.

(|||)

"Gotta move faster than that!" Genma teased him, reaching out to tug on Tadashi's ponytail lightly.

Tadashi cursed, whipping around to try and catch him, but the Jōnin had already disappeared into the forest. He let out a low groan, wiping at the sweat building up on his forehead.

He'd brought this on himself, really. This was what he deserved for asking Raidō to help with his situational awareness.

After a long period of contemplation, Tadashi had finally decided on his specialization. He wouldn't be on the front lines, that was obvious— nor did he _want_ to. But he didn't want to be stuck behind a desk, either.

Maybe in his past life he would have been content with that, but in this one he had _so many opportunities!_ He wasn't stuck between a series of awful choices like he had been before— he wanted to take advantage of the things this world had to offer.

So— no undercover work (his acting was… okay, it was _awful_. There was no way to sugarcoat it), no straight-combat, and no administration. So what was left? Well, assassination was one. But even though he had been trained to kill, and had gone through all of the same desensitization exercises as the rest of his classmates, he still wasn't quite comfortable with the thought of doing that for the rest of his life. Besides, the turnover rate with that occupation was most _definitely_ a turn-off for him.

He'd been getting steadily more worried as time passed. It had seemed like there was nothing that he truly _liked_ doing, and he was beginning to feel like a failure. Especially since it seemed like everyone else knew _exactly_ what they wanted to do, that _everyone_ had it figured out except for him.

Finally, Tadashi had went to Raidō with his problem, and the man had been more than happy to give him some possible directions.

But it was through Genma that he'd really found his calling. Because what was the next best thing to assassination? _Sabotage_.

And to his delight, Tadashi was actually good at it! Great, even!

Which lead to the current moment, where he was getting his ass kicked in the name of training.

"Don't go getting distracted, now!" the voice floated into the clearing, seeming to come from every direction at once.

Tadashi furrowed his brow, carefully studying the tree-line. Genma had already disabled almost all of the traps he'd set up– he only had one pitfall left. He could try to lure him into it… _Yes_. He'd aim for that.

He turned, sprinting into the woods. Calculations ran through his mind as he did a quick inventory check.

Two flash bombs, one set of kunai, a roll of ninja wire, and a single shuriken. Hm. It would do.

There was a light rustle of leaves behind him, and Tadashi jumped into action.

He darted upwards, easily running up the length of the tree, dodging Genma's grasping hand at the last second. Tadashi threw a kunai at him, hissing in frustration when Genma twisted out of the way with ease.

"You're going to have to try a bit harder," Genma chastised, his body tensing against the tree as he prepared to leap at the chunin. "I know you're a _Nara_ , but if you want to beat me you're gonna have to put in a little more effort!"

Genma laughed at the fierce scowl that crossed Tadashi's face at that, knowing that he hated the stereotype that people applied to his clan. The smile dropped from his face quick enough, however, when he saw Tadashi's smug smirk.

"Really, Genma-san?" Tadashi teased, making the Rat handseal. "You fell for the oldest trick in the book. I am a _Nara_ , after all. _Kagemane no Jutsu!_ "

Genma cursed when he realized what had happened— the kunai Tadashi had thrown had directly struck his shadow. In a second, his body was moving against his will as he was forced to follow Tadashi down onto the ground.

Tadashi ran straight towards his pitfall, knowing that he wouldn't be able to hold Genma for more than a few minutes. It was already taking a considerable amount of chakra just to keep the Jōnin within his thrall– and it wasn't like he'd been fresh as a daisy when he'd _started_ this whole thing, either.

This was quite possibly the only leg up he was going to get in this fight– he knew that Genma was taking it easy on him, but that was what had allowed Tadashi to trap him in his shadow possession technique, so he wasn't about to complain.

Finally he reached the right spot, and without a moment to spare. Genma broke free of the technique, Tadashi's shadow snapping back to pool around his feet.

"Not bad," Genma chuckled lowly, clicking his senbon against his teeth in what Tadashi knew to be more of a gesture of acknowledgement than anything else. "So, you got me here. Now what?"

" _This_." Tadashi smiled sweetly, which Genma took as the warning sign it was meant to be.

Tadashi advanced, kunai in hand. Genma leapt backwards, wary of what kind of nasty tricks Tadashi had up his sleeve– only to start _falling_.

Tadashi let out a sound of triumph, thrilled that his tripwire actually worked. It took a lot of maneuvering to get that kind of thing _just right_ , and he had to do it fast.

But it seemed that he began celebrating just a second too early– because at the last moment, Genma reached out and latched onto his jacket, pulling Tadashi down with him.

The two landed roughly at the bottom of the pit, cursing at the jarring fall.

"This did _not_ go according to plan," Tadashi groaned, slowly getting to his feet in an attempt to avoid further injury.

"Nothing ever does, kid," Genma said, and he only sounded slightly winded.

Tadashi was sweaty and disgusting and felt like he'd been running a marathon. His chakra levels were almost completely nothing, and as soon as he got home he was going to sleep for a week.

But at the same time, a sense of pride welled up in his chest. Because it had worked– he'd caught Genma in one of his traps! … _Technically_.

"Do you two need a hand?" someone called from the top, and Tadashi looked up to see Raidō standing there with an amused expression.

"I could use some help," Tadashi admitted, not ashamed to confess his exhaustion.

Raidō helped him out of the pit with only a minimal amount of teasing, and Genma simply jumped out like the show-off that he was.

"You're not torturing him _too_ bad, are you?" Raidō baited Genma, though he still brushed his hand gently against his soulmate's face with a tender expression.

Genma caught his hand, holding it loosely as he laughed. "No more than he asks for!"

Tadashi watched the exchange with a strange feeling in the pit of his stomach. That pride from before had disappeared, replaced with something that he couldn't quite explain.

Their golden compasses must have been entirely still, pointed at each other without any kind of ambiguity or fear. Tadashi couldn't tell, with the black bands covering them up, but…

Was this _jealousy_ , what he was feeling?

(|||)

Tadashi jiggled his leg impatiently from where he was leaning against the tree. He tugged on the sleeve of his shirt, moving it out of the way so that he could caress the compass on his wrist.

It was a nervous gesture that he wasn't entirely happy with, but he hadn't done much to try and stop it either.

Besides, _most_ of the time he had it covered up. Hana had recommended the black long-sleeved shirt he was wearing, and the awesome jacket had been a gift from his Father.

Seriously, it had _so many pockets—_ even more than his chūnin vest! He could probably fit, like, a _hundred_ rocks in this jacket. Y'know, if he wanted to.

While pondering the possibilities of a jacket with a hundred rocks in it, Tadashi almost missed the first flow of kids exiting the academy. But they caught his attention soon enough, and he straightened up in excitement.

It was graduation day.

He peered over the crowd of kids and parents alike, trying to find his little cousin.

Well, not so _little_ anymore. Shikamaru was twelve now, to Tadashi's sixteen. It seemed like time was going by way faster than he was comfortable with.

Tadashi surveyed the group, noting any people of interest. The Hyūga heiress was there, pushing her way through the crowd without care for anyone who got crushed in her wake. She had changed a lot over the years– longer hair, and an ever-determined expression, just to start. He wondered, faintly, if she remembered him. Probably not. She'd never even learned his name, after all.

Hana was there too, ribbing her brothers over something that they'd done, embarrassing them like a proper older sibling. He thought about going over to say hi for a moment, but quickly changed his mind. This was a day for family.

Finally, he spotted the reason that he came here.

Shikamaru was walking leisurely around the edge of the crowd, trailing behind Ino and Choji.

Tadashi smirked and disappeared into the throngs of people, steadily making his way closer. When he was almost on them, Ino caught his eye. She winked, and he grinned in response. He crept up behind them, putting all of his stealth training to good use.

And then— he _struck_.

Tadashi snatched Shikamaru up, ignoring his startled protests and swinging him around in a circle.

"Hello, little cousin," he teased once he'd set the new genin back on his feet. "Copying me already, are you?"

Shikamaru scowled, reaching up to fiddle with the forehead protector that he'd wrapped around his left bicep— just like Tadashi's was.

"Who's _copying?_ " he grumbled, sending his sniggering friends a sharp look. "This is just the most convenient place to put it."

"Whatever you say," Tadashi said amusedly. He found it cute, really. Shikamaru was one of his favorite people in the world, after all.

"Y'know, I'm gonna be clan head one day."

"I am quite aware."

"I could have you disowned," Shikamaru threatened, though he didn't pull away when Tadashi threw an arm over his shoulder and brought him into a side-hug.

"Ah, but then who would make you delicious desserts?" Tadashi countered.

It said a lot about them that Shikamaru actually took a moment to consider it, weighing the pros and cons of losing the 'right of first dibs'.

"Well, forget about all that," Tadashi dismissed, giving Shikamaru one last squeeze before pulling back. "I've got a big cake waiting back at my place." He paused for a moment, addressing the other two graduates who were still hovering nearby. "And there's room for two more, if you guys have some time!"

Ino and Choji nodded eagerly.

"It'll ruin my appetite but it will be _so_ worth it," Ino sighed dreamily, looking like she was about to start drooling at any second.

"We're gonna be going out to dinner, but not until late," Choji chimed in.

Tadashi laughed at the enthusiasm, waving them ahead. "Alright, let's go then!"

After they were a few paces ahead, Tadashi took the moment to whip his head around, eyes narrowing in on the kid who'd been staring at them for the whole exchange.

The blond boy, flushing violently at being caught, turned and raced away.

"Hm…" Tadashi watched him go, feeling as if he was missing something.

"Tadashi? Are you coming or what?" Shikamaru called back, a hint of concern entering the lazy drawl.

Tadashi rolled his eyes, and turned to follow his cousin. It was probably nothing.

"I'm coming. Jeez, have a little patience will ya? The cake isn't going anywhere."

* * *

 **notes** :

HEY! LISTEN!

So, there were some scenes that I had to get rid of because they didn't really fit with the flow of the chapter. But! I've uploaded them onto my tumblr (mm-mendell), under this story's tag. (You could probably just search for them on my blog, but they shouldn't be hard to find it since I just posted them recently.)

Let me know what you think! (The scenes are a bit of interaction with Kabuto and the moment when Hana meets Anko.) As always, thanks for reading!


	6. per angusta ad augusta

["per angusta ad augusta"- _through difficulties to greatness_ ]

* * *

Tadashi gently closed the door, wincing as it creaked. They _still_ hadn't gotten that fixed...

Well, it didn't matter. He couldn't afford to get distracted right now— he had a job to do. It was time for his first big mission.

It wasn't going to be incredibly intense, hopefully— just a quick search-and-destroy involving a couple of documents owned by some guy named Gato. Apparently, he was a low-level criminal who had been steadily taking control over the Land of Waves, but had no real influence outside of the small country.

A dirtbag like him, who was holding a tiny, helpless place like that in a chokehold? Yeah, Tadashi had no problem with messing up some of his shit.

They weren't going to be doing anything about Gato as a whole, though. Not worth the resources.

He walked quickly through the clan grounds, heading for the main gate. Tadashi wanted to leave before the afternoon really got going— that way he could get to Wave with some time left before nightfall.

But right when he was about to leave, a voice called out his name.

"Shikamaru?" Tadashi furrowed his brow, turning to see his cousin walking to catch up with him. "What is it? Something wrong?"

"Nah, I just wanted to say goodbye before you left." Shikamaru shrugged, falling into place beside him with his hands in his pockets.

They stood in silence for a moment. Shikamaru looked like he wanted to say something, but didn't know how to get the words out.

"Well, uh, I guess I'll see you later?" Tadashi tried, shoulders rising in a helpless shrug before he could stop himself. He was bad at emotional stuff in general— sappy goodbyes were way out of his jurisdiction.

"Be careful," Shikamaru mumbled, looking away with a scowl.

Tadashi softened, reaching out to pat him on the head. "I will, don't worry."

Shikamaru drew him into a hug, and Tadashi tolerated it because he knew— no matter how nonchalant Shikamaru was acting about this, his cousin was legitimately worried about him. Still, it was cute. Even though he was a genin now, an adult in his own right, he was still that same cuddly brat that he'd been so many years ago.

Tadashi took a step back, breaking the embrace, but gifted him with a teasing grin. "Reminds me of when you were little. You were always clinging to my leg at the gate, demanding that I stay behind."

"I didn't do that!" Shikamaru protested, lifting a hand to hide the redness creeping up his cheeks.

"Oh _yes_ you did," Tadashi needled him mercilessly, ignoring the theatrical groan. "Asking me why I had to go, _over and over again_. I can't even count all the times I was almost late to the academy because of you!"

"Whatever happened, it was definitely your fault," Shikamaru retorted, letting out an irritated ' _tch_ '.

"If you say so," Tadashi allowed gracefully, before letting out a sigh. "Unfortunately, I really do have to go. I'm on my own for this, so I don't have any certain schedule to go by, but I have plans to set in motion. Don't do anything stupid while I'm gone."

"Don't worry." The kid rolled his eyes, actually having the audacity to seem _judgmental_ about this. "Without you around, I won't _need_ to."

"Brat," Tadashi said fondly, ruffling his hair.

"Troublesome man," Shikamaru returned— but he was smiling.

Not a bad way to start off the day. Now hopefully, this good attitude would carry through for his mission as well.

(|||)

The whole thing went about as well as Tadashi had expected— meaning, it only took about twenty minutes for it all to go down the toilet.

Their intel was way too old— how had _none of them_ known that the Demon of the Mist was working for Gato? Why did no one tell him these things?

He leaned against the tree, taking a moment to catch his breath. Okay, good thing: the files had been destroyed, and no one had caught sight of him or anything that could be used to figure out his identity. Bad thing: fucking _Momochi Zabuza_ had apparently sensed his chakra when he was snooping around the base and was now chasing after him.

Not exactly the outcome that he was hoping for.

Fucking _damnit_ , he was on sabotage duty for a reason! Namely, because he was _not strong enough_ to take on a missing nin who was at anbu level at the very least!

"I know you're out there," came the low growl, bouncing around the clearing as it slowly filled with mist.

Wait, _mist?_ His eyes darted around in a panic, cursing the fact that he'd become so overwhelmed that he hadn't noticed Momochi's signature jutsu activating.

Tadashi hunched down, suppressing his chakra as much as possible. After a few minutes of this, he stiffened when he heard the light crackle of someone stepping on a branch directly below him.

He couldn't see anything because of the mist, and he didn't dare try to sense anything in fear of being discovered, but he just knew that he was about to get caught.

He was going to get caught, and get _killed_ , and Hana was going to yell at him, and then Raidō and Genma were going to yell at him, then Shikamaru was going to bring him back to life just to kill him again, and there was no telling just what his father was going to do—

"Well, Haku?" Zabuza (Tadashi had to assume that it was him, he still couldn't see anything) said roughly. "You find 'em?"

"I'm sorry, Zabuza-sama," the other shinobi said sorrowfully. Tadashi let out a shaky breath at how close they sounded— if either of them simply bothered to look up, he'd be in deep shit. "I wasn't able to locate the intruder. I believe they must have escaped without my notice."

There was a long pause, and then Zabuza scoffed. The mist began to clear, and Tadashi chanced a glance down to see the two of them standing only a few paces away from his hiding place.

"Too soft," Zabuza admonished, but he then turned away without another word.

"Next time, Zabuza-sama," Haku murmured, following behind him with a small smile on his face. For a single moment, the long-haired shinobi glanced back and caught Tadashi's eye. Then, with a slight twist of his lips, he went on his way.

Tadashi knew, in that moment, that Haku had _definitely_ noticed him in the tree. But he hadn't said anything. _Why?_

Well, he supposed that it didn't really matter in the end. Tadashi tracked the two's movements carefully, waiting for when he could finally get out of here. Just barely in his line of sight, he noticed Zabuza reach out to pat Haku clumsily on the shoulder.

Though it was unpracticed and a little hesitant, it was clearly affectionate— even if Zabuza didn't seem to know quite what he was doing.

Tadashi thought of that adoring look Haku had laid on him, the gentle hand. The black bands covering both of their wrists.

Hm. Even demons had soulmates, it seemed.

(|||)

The journey home always seemed to take a lot longer than the way there, and Tadashi had a lot to think about.

He'd been caught completely off-guard, _totally_ unprepared for the situation— that wasn't a feeling that he liked. True, it wasn't entirely his fault. The intel hadn't been up to date. The worst thing he'd thought he'd have to deal with was a couple of two-bit thugs, not a _top-class mercenary._

And that wasn't his fault. Tadashi had no problem admitting that. But he was angry with himself for what happened afterwards. He had never planned on _fighting_ Zabuza or some kind of insane shit like that, but to be so weak that he could barely even run away? That just felt disgraceful.

Clearly, he needed to work harder. He'd been training for years to do this job, but that still didn't amount to anything near the amount of work Hana— or hell, even _Kabuto_ had put into their professions.

Tadashi had to face facts— he'd started late. He was concentrating too much on mastering his clan's techniques, and those wouldn't be helpful if he couldn't even do his job properly in the first place.

 _Damnit_. More stealth training it was. And he'd have to ask Raidō if he knew someone who could help him more with his speed.

Tadashi had thought himself fairly competent in that area— he was close to matching Genma's speed, on a good day. But this shitshow of a mission had been good for one thing— it proved that he was still way out of his league. He couldn't start getting too confident in himself. All that did was relax his guard and make him an easy target.

He would have to fight. He'd have to prove that he was capable, that all the time and effort his mentors had put in to assist him hadn't been a waste.

That wasn't a problem to Tadashi. He'd already lived an _entire lifetime_ of proving himself, of fighting for every scrap of respect he could get— one more wouldn't hurt him. And at least this time, the odds weren't entirely stacked against him.

As he approached the gates to Konoha, he nearly groaned at the thought of all the paperwork he was going to have to fill out.

Tadashi was probably going to be asked to do a separate report about the whole Zabuza incident, too... He would have tell them to update their intel on the situation in Wave.

Hopefully, no one else had been sent out on a mission to Wave yet. Tadashi would hate for them to get thrown headfirst into the madhouse he'd just escaped from.


	7. absit omen

["absit omen"- _let this not be a bad omen_ ]

* * *

"Got another mission under your belt, huh, Nara-kun?" Iruka chuckled, stamping the papers with the seal.

"Yeah," Tadashi smiled easily, feeling a bit giddy with the leftover adrenaline from his last job. "I think I've finally worked out a good rhythm. I'm satisfied with my progress, at the very least."

"Good for you," Iruka nodded, and the genuine pride in his expression made it very easy to like him.

Tadashi hadn't been in any of Iruka's classes in the academy. but the older man still went out of his way to check in and talk to him when he was doing his mission briefings. It made the tedious paperwork seem a lot easier— he couldn't bear to let down someone who had such clear faith in him.

Hana insisted that it was all part of Iruka's master plan, but Tadashi knew that she only said that because the academy teacher was always scolding her for being late with her reports. It felt a bit weird, in some ways, especially since Iruka was only a few years older than them, but he had the kind of authoritative air that Tadashi could only dream of.

Regardless, it was nice to have someone who took the time to get to know him. And it only proved his point about the rest of the kids in their academy class— he wasn't standoffish or cruel to Iruka because he actually _tried_. That was all it took, seriously. A genuine interest was enough to earn Tadashi's respect, if not his loyalty.

"Hey, can I ask a favor?" Iruka said sheepishly, scratching the back of his head.

Tadashi blinked in surprise, but nodded his consent. "Of course, Iruka-sensei. I'd be happy to help. What is it?"

"Well, you know Kiba-kun, right?"

"Yes, fairly well."

They hadn't had too many conversations— Tadashi's attention was mainly taken up by Hana when they were all in the same vicinity. But he was still one of Hana's beloved younger brothers, so of course Tadashi knew him.

"His team is a combination of tracking and combat specialists, and they've been pushing to get a ' _cooler_ ' mission lately..." Iruka trailed off, looking a bit exasperated at his students' mischief.

"So you want me to use them on one of my missions," Tadashi realized. If he thought about it, it wasn't a terrible idea. It'd have to be a more low-profile one than the jobs he'd been taking recently, but that wasn't an issue. It would just give him some time to try out some of his newer techniques in a low-stress environment.

Yeah. That sounded _perfect_ , actually.

"If you wouldn't mind," Iruka said, breaking out into a reluctant-sounding laugh. "Kurenai-san also wants them to get in some last-minute practice before the chūnin exams. I figured that you would be the best person to go to in this case."

"I appreciate the confidence," Tadashi smirked, before the rest of the sentence caught up with him and he blinked, a bit taken-aback. "Wait, is it time for the exams already? It feels like it's only been a few weeks since they graduated..."

"I know," Iruka said ruefully. "Six months goes by a lot faster than you'd think. To be honest, I wish they'd wait until they at least had a full year under their belts, but nothing I say will deter them."

"True enough." Tadashi bowed slightly, taking his leave. "I'll be back to place a request for Team Eight's assistance tomorrow, Iruka-sensei. Until then."

"Thanks for agreeing to this, Nara-kun!" Iruka called after him, his gloom momentarily lifted. "I'm sure that you'll all have a lot of fun!"

(|||)

This was _not fun_. To be fair, it had started out okay.

"Alright, are the three of you ready to go?" Kurenai-san said, surveying her genin with a critical eye.

"As we'll ever be!" was Kiba's careless reply, a fanged grin on his face. By his feet Akamaru barked in agreement.

Tadashi resisted a smile, walking up to the group with perhaps a bit more pep in his step than usual. He couldn't help it. Kiba was so much like his sister— Tadashi wasn't much of an energetic person himself, but it was a trait that he admired in others.

"Sounds good to me," he said, startling the three genin by silently popping up behind them.

"Ah! Tadashi, what the hell are you doing here?" Kiba said, pointing at him accusingly.

"N-Nara-san," Hinata whispered, eyes wide with shock at his sudden appearance.

"I'm going on this mission with you," Tadashi jerked his head towards the gate, emphasizing his point. "Or, well, _you're_ going on it with _me_."

"Happy to have you with us, Nara-kun," Kurenai said, her expression warming.

Tadashi gifted her with a smile, nodding gratefully. "Happy to be with you. Iruka-sensei told me that you guys have a lot of potential. We figured that it was about time that talent was put to the test."

"So, we will be using our specialty skills to assist you in this mission, correct?" Shino asked, adjusting his glasses as he spoke. Tadashi suspected that it was something of a nervous habit, but didn't know the younger boy well enough to judge it quite yet.

"Right on the mark. My specialty is find-and-destroy."

" _Sabotage_ ," Hinata whispered, still staring directly at him. It was a bit eerie, if he was being honest.

Tadashi just nodded in reply. It was best not to discuss such things so openly, even when they were in relatively safe territory.

Kurenai must have come to the same conclusion, because she was quickly ushering them outside of the village gates.

"We already received the mission scroll for this, but would you mind explaining our specific roles to us, Nara-kun?" Kurenai inquired, the group setting an easy pace through the forest. All three genin were experienced enough to go tree-hopping, thank goodness.

"Alright, here's the plan..."

In retrospect, Tadashi really should have known that something was going to go wrong— they were from Konoha, something _always_ went wrong.

This magnitude of an issue was unexpected, however. But Tadashi didn't think that he should be blamed for this one.

 _Really_ , how the hell was he supposed to know that some crazy missing-nin had taken the temple over as a home base? The damn thing was supposed to be abandoned!

This mission was supposed to be easy! _Why did no one ever tell him anything?!_

"I won't let you take me back," the man said coldly, expression completely unchanging except for a small crease of his brows to indicate his anger. "I'd rather die."

By the mark on his hitai-ate he was from Takigakure, because _of course_ he was. All the crazies came from that area. And he had no eyebrows! What the hell was up with that?

"Look, dude!" Kiba yelled in frustration, leaping to avoid another fireball that was launched his way. "We're not even here for you! We just want to get one damn artifact out of that temple, that's it!"

In normal circumstances, Tadashi would have scolded Kiba for giving the enemy any information on their missions, but in normal circumstances he wouldn't be trapped in a giant fucking _web_.

God, if he didn't have a reason to hate spiders before, he definitely did now!

Kurenai had disappeared before they'd even gotten to the temple— and sure, Tadashi got it. She wanted to know if her genin were really prepared for the exams, wanted to give them one last test. But before all they'd thought that they'd have to deal with was a couple of booby-traps! Wasn't this a bit extreme?

He cursed, struggling to reach one of his pockets to find something that would get them out of this mess.

Shino was already down for the count it seemed— he'd been knocked pretty heavily in the head during the very beginning of the fight, and had seemed woozy and out of it ever since.

Hinata and Kiba were doing their best, but this guy had to be at jōnin level. Their best just _wasn't enough._

Tadashi turned his attention away from the fight, praying that the two of them could hold on for a few seconds longer. He finally managed to wriggle a kunai out of one of his side-pockets, using it to cut his way free.

As soon as he had, he wasted no time in hurrying over to Shino. Thankfully, the kid seemed alright. Mild concussion, probably. Taijutsu was a serious weakness for most Aburame members, and apparently Shino was no exception.

"Are you good to help us out?" he asked seriously, hoping that Shino wouldn't try to play it tough and give more than he was capable of.

"I can help," Shino insisted. Even though Tadashi couldn't see it, he just knew that Shino was scowling in frustration.

"Alright." He would have to take his word for it. This plan was going to require his help. "You go in with your insects— help your teammates distract him. Then I'll pin him down, and you guys finish him. Got it?"

"Understood."

Shino went back into the battle, sending a cloud of insects to block an attack that almost caught Kiba in the back.

Tadashi left them to it, slinking around behind the conflict and taking position. He moved as close to the missing-nin as he dared, trying to make sure that his technique would have the most effectiveness possible.

"Kage-Kubishibari no Jutsu!" Tadashi hissed, feeling a vindictive sort of pleasure when his shadow shot out to bind the man to the spot, an image of a hand slithering up his flesh and choking him.

The man cut off his next jutsu abruptly, gasping for air as Tadashi's grip tightened.

"Hurry!" he called out, voice strained already from the effort it took to simultaneously strangle the enemy and hold him in place.

Out of the three genin racing forwards, Hinata got there first— and the result was so surprising that Tadashi actually dropped his jutsu, gaping.

Did the Hyuga heiress just fucking _dropkick_ a dude? That wasn't quite the graceful trigrams-palm jutsu that he'd been expecting.

"Where the hell did you learn to do that?" he asked later, once they got the prisoner squared away and Kurenai had returned to help them with their wounds and give them her report.

"I just picked it up," Hinata smiled shyly, fiddling with her long sleeves.

"Well, I've gotta say that I'm impressed," Tadashi complimented, graciously ignoring the way her face grew bright red at the praise. "It's not so often that I see someone with such a nice left-hook, either."

"Well..." Hinata bit her lip, eyes darting to him for a quick moment, before she seemed to gather courage and go on. "I met someone, years ago, who gave me some good advice. They told me that if someone was doing something that I didn't like, I couldn't just stand there and take it. So now, if I get into a fight, I won't stop at just trying to hold off my opponents. _I'm going to crush them_."

 _I was talking about schoolyard bullies_ , Tadashi thought to himself, in a bit of a daze, _but hell. Don't let me stop you!_

"Of that, I have no doubt," he said wryly. The way Hinata beamed at him in reply made this whole excursion worth it.

These kids were ready. After all, he'd passed the chūnin exams pretty easily, and he wasn't even versed in combat like them. And the exam was even in Konoha this year!

There wouldn't be any real competition. Tadashi had confidence in this one.


	8. in cauda venenum

["in cauda venenum"- _the poison is in the tail_ ]

* * *

Tadashi let out a little sigh of exasperation, watching Shikamaru pace agitatedly across the floor.

He didn't really understand what all the fuss was about— but then again, that wasn't exactly new. Besides, it didn't matter what he thought. This wasn't about him.

"Well, what are you planning to do when you meet them?" Tadashi asked mildly, trying to find a solution for his cousin's uncharacteristic panicking.

"I— _I don't know_ ," Shikamaru muttered, tugging on his hair out of frustration. "Isn't it supposed to be natural? And what if we meet in the middle of the exams, am I expected to fight them? Do the same rules apply?"

"Hm..." Tadashi thought for a moment, mind running over everything that he remembered from his own exams. No soulmated pairs had met during that time, but it wasn't entirely uncommon. It was usually the first point in a young shinobi's life that they met a large amount of foreigners all at once, after all.

But honestly? He didn't know what to say. He could usually forget that soulmates even existed until he was forcibly reminded of it, and he hadn't checked his own compass in years. It just... wasn't something Tadashi was all that invested in.

He supposed that it would be different when he found his soulmate (everyone said that it would be, after all), but for now it didn't truly feel _real_.

So how could he comfort Shikamaru? How could he explain a process that he had never bothered to learn about?

It continually surprised him, just how hung up people were about the concept of soulmates. Yes, it would be nice to have someone who would match him perfectly, but Tadashi didn't _need_ that. He wasn't a 'half' of a person, or somehow _incomplete_.

But he couldn't tell Shikamaru that. The way they'd grown up and experienced life was too different— he wouldn't understand.

"I don't know, kid," he shook his head ruefully, placing a firm hand on Shikamaru's shoulder to stop him from wearing a hole in the carpet. "But whatever happens, that's between you and your soulmate. Whoever they turn out to be, they're meant to compliment you, and you with them. Until the moment happens, you're just gonna have to wait and see."

"That's simultaneously very comforting _and_ absolutely worthless," Shikamaru remarked dryly, but the tension in his shoulders had gone away, and Tadashi knew that he was grateful.

"Good luck on the exams, little cousin," Tadashi murmured, giving him a reassuring smile. "You're gonna rock this."

"One can only hope," he gave a deep, full-bodied sigh. "What a drag..."

Tadashi only laughed, so caught up in other people's problems and his missions and just life in general, that he never even noticed the way that his own compass began to slow.

(|||)

"I just, I'm just _worried_ , okay? He's so excited to finally meet his soulmate, but we have no idea who this person is or how they're going to react, and I'm just—"

"Worried," Tadashi interrupted, trying to hide his amusement at the way Hana was babbling. "You're _worried_."

"Oh, leave me alone," Hana huffed, punching him in the shoulder. "He's my little brother, I have the right."

"You're too overprotective," he teased, knowing exactly what buttons to push. "You used to be all for your brothers leaving the nest, but as soon as one of their soulmates actually starts to approach them, you're suddenly all up in arms."

"Don't mock me!" she said miserably, stuffing another bunch of noodles in her mouth in an indignant fashion.

Tadashi just laughed.

The two of them were just screwing around currently, waiting for the second exam to end so that they could go watch the last one. The final hour was almost up, so it was about time for them to get going.

Tadashi opened his mouth, about to begin harassing his former teammate again, when the quiet whorl of a shunshin behind them caught his attention. He turned in his seat, blinking surprisedly at seeing Genma standing there.

"Genma-san, is something wrong?"

The jōnin's teeth clenched down on his senbon, a grim expression on his face. "Inuzuka-chan, I need you to come with me."

Hana frowned, knuckles gone white with how hard she was clutching her chopsticks. "Did something happen to Kiba?"

Genma shook his head, expression going even darker if that was possible. "No, it's Anko. She was attacked in the forest."

Hana gasped, and Tadashi's eyes widened. Anko was the _proctor_ of the exam, who would try to attack her? And for the damage to be so severe that they'd had to inform her soulmate... She must have been in the hospital.

How the hell did that happen?

"Tadashi—" Hana said, eyes darting to him.

"Go," he nodded, recognizing what she was trying to say. "I'll tell Kiba that you said good luck."

"Tell him that I said to kick ass," she retorted, but at least she was smiling now. "Thanks."

Without another word, she darted away with Genma, her dogs at her heels.

Tadashi returned his attention to his ramen, though not without some trepidation. Had a _genin_ really been strong enough to seriously injure Anko? Or was something more sinister at work here?

(|||)

Apparently there was still too many teams left, so they were going to do some preliminary rounds first.

Tadashi frowned, leaning back in his seat slightly. On one hand, this could be a good thing— it would give the kids more opportunities to show off their skills and get promoted. But it would also give their opponents time to study their techniques and prepare for the final matches.

Well, there was nothing to be done about it now. He was just here to cheer, anyways.

And so he did. The match between Kiba and the Uzumaki kid was honestly just painful. Sure, Uzumaki (what was his first name again?) had done some pretty ingenious moves and Kiba was just as tough as he'd expected, but... _that ending_. The second-hand embarrassment he'd felt for Kiba in that moment had been almost overwhelming.

God, when he told Hana about this, she was never going to forget it. Defeated by a _fart_. What a way to go.

The match between Hinata and her cousin was equally painful, if in a different way. No matter how many times the older genin beat her down, Hinata _kept getting back up_. And she certainly gave as good as she got— her style was the strangest mix of street-fighting and gentle fist that he'd ever seen.

Hinata didn't fight like Neji, like a _Hyūga_. She fought _dirty_. Tadashi was pretty sure that he'd even seen her yank on Neji's hair at one point.

It was certainly a sight to behold.

But even that wasn't enough. Hinata was simply outmatched, this time. Watching as she laid on the ground, spitting up blood as her cousin towered over her and laid out all of her inadequacies for the entire arena to hear... It made Tadashi's chest squeeze painfully.

He was glad that the Uzumaki kid said something, stood up to that brat. No one, no matter how shitty their circumstances, deserved the right to take their anger out on innocent bystanders.

Tadashi had learned that lesson a long time ago— a _lifetime_ ago, and he carried those regrets with him even now.

Besides that, there was nothing especially noteworthy. The last Uchiha had some kind of freakout during his match, but Tadashi hadn't been entirely surprised by that. The kid looked like he was in desperate need of some therapy.

Shikamaru had easily won his match, just as Tadashi had known he would. His opponent had done some weird trick with bells, but Shikamaru had figured it out in record time and scored a solid victory. He still needed some help in the area of chakra concentration though... Tadashi could tell that it had taken him a significant amount of effort to hold his opponent, and he hadn't been binding her for that long... Oh well. Tadashi could address that with him later, once all this madness was done.

Tadashi had left to go to the bathroom at one point, and apparently missed one awesome match. He wasn't too torn up about it, though— he had no personal involvement with Rock Lee, so even though he sympathized with the boy's new injuries, he wasn't that concerned.

His opponent though... Apparently he controlled sand? Or that was what other people were whispering, anyway. Strange, but the applications behind such a thing were intriguing.

Then Tadashi shook his head, snapping out of his thoughts to pay attention to what was happening down in the arena. It looked like the proctor was giving a speech...

When everyone dispersed, Tadashi ignored the rush of the crowd and flashed down to where his cousin was standing.

"Alright, you're with me," he said, throwing Shikamaru over his shoulder before he had the chance to escape.

"Come on, I just went through spending days in the Forest of Death and had to go straight into tournament fighting! Can't you give me a break?"

"If you have enough energy to complain, you have enough to train," Tadashi chirped, smiling cheerfully when Shikamaru let out a pained groan. "Hey, that rhymed!"

Shikamaru's muttered ' _troublesome_ ' only made it more amusing.

So Tadashi shunshined away, ignoring the prickling feeling of someone staring at his back.

(|||)

Shikamaru shoved his hands in his pockets, trying to mask the anxiety he was feeling, and not too sure of his success at it.

After a month of being tortured by his crazy family, a _month_ of his father walking him through one tactical situation after another, a _month_ of his mother forcing him to do pushups every time he entered a doorway, an entire _month_ of his cousin fucking _sneak-attacking him all the goddamn time_ , he was finally at the last exam.

And his compass, though still black, was fixed firmly on his opponent. It had been ever since the first exam.

"Step forward," the proctor said formally, and Shikamaru and his rival did the same.

This was it. The compasses required a certain proximity to turn gold, making sure that there wouldn't be any confusion on who your soulmate was. If Temari was really his 'fated destiny', they were about to find out.

Shikamaru stepped up, staring Temari right in the eye. His compass seemed to burn on his wrist for a moment, but she made no reaction. Her blank expression never wavered, determination clear in every line of her face.

 _Okay_. So it was going to be like that. Troublesome.

(|||)

Tadashi frowned, feeling a bit concerned despite himself. Shikamaru's expression had darkened for a moment there, and he wasn't sure why.

He studied Shikamaru's opponent, sweeping his eyes over the blonde girl's tense stance and the way she was lightly pressing her wrist against the giant fan she was holding.

A second later, it clicked. _Were the two of them—_

But then there was no time to think. As soon as the proctor said go, the two genin were off, clashing in a spray of sparks and screech of metal.

Tadashi really hadn't expected that. Shikamaru wasn't exactly the confrontational type, after all.

But he seemed to come to his senses a moment later, leaping back to avoid a swipe of her fan and racing away.

At that, Tadashi smirked. He leaned back, confident in his cousin's abilities. Shikamaru would trap her, one way or another— and as soon as this mess was over, Tadashi was planning to have a nice little _chat_ with that girl.

(|||)

 _That surrender..._ Never let it be said that Nara Shikamaru couldn't be petty. He could've easily beaten her at that point. And by the way she was fuming, Tadashi knew that Shikamaru had definitely done this on purpose.

He let out a little laugh, finally able to relax now that it wasn't his cousin's neck on the line.

He waited impatiently with the rest of the crowd for the last Uchiha to show up, wanting this stupid tournament to just be over already.

When the kid finally made his dramatic entrance, his opponent jumped right down to meet him, apparently raring to go.

Tadashi tilted his head slightly, studying the redhead. This was Lee's opponent, right? The one who controlled sand? Well, that may have been a helpful skill in Sunagakure, but he only had a limited supply here. Probably in the gourd on his back.

But on the other hand, he had no real idea how strong the Uchiha was. It seemed that this match could go either way.

Though with the way the redhead was grabbing his face and muttering to himself, he might not be mentally prepared for a serious fight...

As Tadashi was contemplating this, lost in his own thoughts as the fight raged on below him, he almost missed the flurry of white feathers on the edge of his vision.

But before he could do more than twitch in response, he felt his eyes growing heavy... It wouldn't hurt to take just a little nap, would it?


	9. bellum se ipsum alet

["bellum se ipsum alet"- _war feeds itself_ ]

* * *

His eyes snapped open, a sudden sharp pain in his shoulder causing him to wake up with a start.

Tadashi hissed, pulling the senbon out of his flesh. _What the hell?_ Why would someone fucking _stab_ him—

Oh. _Oh_ , holy shit they were being attacked!

He sprang to his feet, running towards the stairs as he tried to figure out just who he should be attacking.

Genma, who was fighting back to back with Raidō (he must have been the one to throw the senbon, Tadashi would have to remember to complain about that later) caught his eye, and gestured for him to come closer. Tadashi crept up next to him, ducking to avoid a wayward kunai.

"It's the Sound shinobi, they're attacking as allies of Sunagakure!" Raidō shouted, trying to be heard over the sounds of battle.

Tadashi's heart clenched, worry for Shikamaru overtaking him for a moment. If his soulmate really was that Suna girl... And Kiba, too. Hadn't Hana said that his soulmate had come to Konoha for the chūnin exams? Tadashi wasn't sure if Kiba had officially met them yet, but he still hoped that it wouldn't be because of an invasion.

That was every kid's worst nightmare.

"What do you need me to do?" Tadashi said, focusing on the present and pushing his fears to the side for now.

Genma laughed, a little breathlessly. "Whatever you can, kid. Stick to the shadows, get 'em whenever you can, wherever you can."

"Try and find the rookies," Raidō added, grunting in exertion as he neatly bisected a man with his sword. "We need as many people evacuating the civilians as possible, and we don't want the kids to do anything stupid."

"Got it," Tadashi nodded. He didn't waste another moment, stretching out his senses as he worked on locating the genin that were still in the arena.

 _There_. He could pick out Shikamaru's chakra signature in a crowd of a million people, and he could trace that back to them.

Tadashi made his way through the arena, trying to avoid the people who were still asleep. All of his stealth training seemed to have finally paid off, however, and he wasn't engaged even once. Someone caught sight of him a couple of times, but they were always quickly distracted by someone else.

It seemed that all of the jōnins were awake, as well as most of the chūnin— but all the civilians were out cold. Of course, that was to be expected. Most of them had probably never experienced the effects of a genjutsu before, and even if they had, it was rare for a civilian to have the kind of chakra control necessary to break out of a high-level jutsu like this.

He looked out at the arena, trying to pinpoint _exactly_ where Shikamaru was. He seemed to be moving pretty fast...

When Tadashi caught sight of the reason behind that, he almost froze— caught somewhere between fury and utter disbelief. Because Shikamaru was running _out_ of the arena, after that weird possessed kid.

Damnit, what the hell was he thinking? Did meeting your soulmate rob you of all common sense?

Tadashi cursed, preparing to go after them. But before he could, he was forced to leap backwards from the railing, hissing at the thin slice on his arm from where the kunai had cut him. One look at the wound was enough to make his blood boil.

Not only had his favorite cousin apparently gone off the deep end, this bastard had just sliced through his favorite jacket!

The enemy in question was a tall, nondescript man— he wouldn't have been very intimidating, if it hadn't been for the waves of pure killing intent rushing off of him.

"Ah, looking a bit irritated there, kiddo," he taunted, voice deep and raspy in a way that immediately made Tadashi's hackles rise. "You planning on doing anything about it?"

 _With pleasure_ , Tadashi thought viciously, though on the outside he remained silent, and merely took out a kunai.

The man grinned, the expression something that would have been more suitable on a shark than anything else. "Let's go!"

After that it was a flurry of motion and clashing metal, Tadashi having to devote his whole attention to the fight if he wanted to get out of this alive. He knew that he was losing his chance, that Shikamaru and the others were likely long gone at this point, but he _had_ to stay. He didn't have a choice. Tadashi would just have to trust that the genin could handle themselves.

He may not be much of a front-line fighter, but that didn't mean that he couldn't fight at all. Tadashi refused to be inadequate, _refused_ to be a burden to his village!

Tadashi gritted his teeth, trying to prevent getting pushed back. The two of them held their weapons —Tadashi's kunai and the enemy's tanto— in a locked grip, each trying to get the other to pull away first. Tadashi relented, after his arms had begun to shake from the strain, but he didn't give his opponent any time to gloat.

Quickly shutting his eyes, he tossed one of his flashbombs to the ground. Ignoring the man's startled cry, Tadashi knelt and used the opportunity to run through a series of quick handseals, all with his eyes still kept firmly closed. He knew how long the effects of this bomb lasted, and it still wasn't wise to let his guard down just yet.

"Kage Zashi no Jutsu!" he snarled, opening his eyes just in time to see his elongated shadow rise from the concrete floor.

The shadow formed a series of spikes and surged forwards, ruthless cutting through the man and pinning him into place.

 _Now, this is why you don't piss off a Nara!_

Tadashi moved forwards, not giving the man any time to recover. He brought his leg up in a sharp arc, neatly breaking the man's jaw as he was distracted with trying to escape the shadows writhing around them. He howled in pain, collapsing to the ground, and Tadashi didn't hesitate— he slammed his (heavily plated) elbow down on the man's head, causing him to drop like a marionette with it's strings cut.

His breathing felt heavier than usual, and for a moment, everything was silence. Then the adrenaline began to fade away, his peripheral vision returning as his mind stopped focusing quite so hard. Tadashi shook his head, clearing his mind as he staggered onwards. He couldn't allow himself to let down his guard quite yet— the invasion was far from over.

Like he'd suspected, the kids were long gone, but as he hurried onwards, he caught sight of someone that made him breathe a sigh of relief. God, it was nice to see a friendly face.

Kiba was hovering next to Kabuto, who seemed to be healing a person that Tadashi couldn't quite see. Tadashi approached them easily, catching the tail end of their conversation.

"Hey, wait a second," Kiba was saying, cocking his head to the side as he studied Kabuto with a frown. "Aren't you—"

A second later, all the genin could do was wheeze harshly as Kabuto punched him in the stomach. His eyes rolled back in his head and he collapsed, unconscious, when Kabuto withdrew his hand. Tadashi could see the sickly green light of medical ninjutsu, and knew immediately that Kabuto had just sedated Kiba, for whatever reason.

"Kabuto, what's going on?" he said, a bit alarmed with what he'd just witnessed. Perhaps Kiba was injured, and he just hadn't noticed? Why else would Kabuto do something like that?

Kabuto whipped around, clearly not having heard him approach, and Tadashi was gifted with the rare sight of his eyes widening in momentary surprise.

"Is everything alright? I can go get another medic if you need some—"

Then he lashed out, and Tadashi didn't even have a moment to process it before Kabuto's hand was literally buried in his stomach, his mystical palm technique cutting deep into the tissue there.

Tadashi gasped, the sound wet and hurting, the pain so intense that he could barely bring himself to speak, let alone fight back. _What was happening?_

"Ka...buto...?" Tadashi choked out, blood spilling past his lips as his knees gave out beneath him.

But Kabuto caught him before he hit the ground, laying him almost tenderly beside the fallen genin. Tadashi struggled to keep his eyes open, trying not to lose himself and go into shock.

"Please understand, Tadashi-kun. This is nothing personal."

In the moment before everything went dark, all Tadashi could see was that cheery, ever-present ( _oh shit, it was fake, so fake, how had he never noticed before?_ ) smile.

(|||)

When Tadashi woke up, he was desperately wishing that the last several hours had just been a dream. But the fact that he was currently laid up in a hospital bed clearly proved him wrong.

"Kabuto—" he blurted out, panic rising at the thought of no one being aware of the betrayer in their midst.

"He escaped," his father interrupted, though his expression was unbearably gentle. "He left with the rest of the Otogakure forces."

"So he's a traitor," Tadashi said numbly.

His father merely hummed in reply, but that was enough to confirm his suspicions.

Tadashi bit his lip, eyes unseeing as he stared down at the bandages covering his chest. He hadn't expected this, had never even _considered_ —

"I... know that we weren't exactly _friends_ ," Tadashi said frustratedly, twisting his hands in the crisp hospital sheets. "But—"

He cut himself off, unsure of what he was even trying to say.

But regardless of the jumbled mess of words and anger floating around in his brain, his father seemed to know just what he meant.

"I know," his father murmured, expression sympathetic (but not _pitying_ , and that made all the difference). He rested a hand on Tadashi's head, and for a moment he could imagine that he was six years old again— a time when nothing was complicated and he didn't have to worry about traitorous ex-teammates.

"This sucks," Tadashi muttered, blinking away the tears that pricked his eyes.

His father let out a short bark of laughter, rubbing at his face in exhaustion. It'd been a very long day, for everyone.

"Yeah, kid. It sure does."

A few hours later, his father had to leave. The jōnin were all being called in so that a full briefing could go forwards. Tadashi would likely have to debrief as well, but not right now.

For now, he laid in silence, wondering where it all went wrong.

Letting out a shaky breath, Tadashi brought up his arm to rest it over his eyes, blocking out the light that was stubbornly streaking across the sky. It would be night soon. Soon, he would have to deal with the reality of what had just happened, deal with the fact that one of his teammates had been using him, using _all_ of them. But right now, all he wanted to do was sleep.

Pulling his arm back, Tadashi gently brushed his cheek against the compass that was inscribed there. As always, it had a calming effect, even though a large part of him really wished that it didn't. He didn't like relying on it— it felt too much like he was relying on the person connected to him on the other end. Tadashi didn't want that. If he got attached to another person, a person that was to be so deeply intertwined with his fate, and they _left_ him— Well. He wasn't sure if he could survive it again.

Curling up (as much as he could with the stomach wound that was sending little bursts of pain into his body), he put all of his worries out of his mind. _Tomorrow_. Tomorrow he would deal with it. He would find out what happened to Shikamaru, tell Hana about Kabuto, _everything_.

Tadashi slept fitfully that night, unaware of the way his compass steadily began to move faster as his soulmate traveled farther away.


	10. necessitas etiam timidos fortes facit

["necessitas etiam timidos fortes facit"- _need makes even the timid become brave_ ]

* * *

After the invasion, it took a while for Konoha to begin recovering. They'd suffered many losses in this fight, including their beloved Hokage.

It had seemed like everyone went to the funeral, all the people of this village emerging from the ruins of their homes to give one last show of respect for the man who had given so much of his life to this place.

It made Tadashi feel... Well, he wasn't sure how to quite describe it. There was sadness, yes, but also a sense of pride for how strong these people were, to keep standing, keep fighting, keep _loving_ after so many tragedies had tried to strike them down.

That was why he thought of Konohagakure as the strongest village— not because of their (admittedly very impressive) military might, but because of their _resilience_.

And it was a good thing, too, because Tadashi was not feeling very resilient at the moment.

Kabuto's betrayal had shaken him, and harshly at that. Tadashi couldn't help but wonder if there was anything he could have done, anything he could have changed—

If he'd only been a better teammate, a better _friend_ —

And had Kabuto already been a traitor, even back then? Had Tadashi ever told him anything important, ever aided him in _spying on their village_ —

He knew that there was no reason to dwell on these thoughts. Whatever Kabuto may or may not have done was now moot, seeing as he had fled the village with the rest of the enemy forces. But Tadashi couldn't help it. He kept obsessing over the all of the things that he could have done, should have, would have if only he'd _known_ — even when he knew that it was worthless, that it was unhealthy.

He and Kabuto may not have been all that close, but to find out something like this about someone he had considered a valued comrade at the very least?

...It hurt.

It _hurt_ , knowing that Kabuto could betray their home like this, that he cared about their lives so little—

The scar on his stomach, still stretched painfully across the skin, twinged at the thought. It hadn't been a kill shot, even when Kabuto clearly could have made it one. Tadashi didn't know what his intentions were, but it didn't matter. Kabuto was a traitor now, and his personal feelings couldn't affect this situation.

Tadashi huffed, turning onto his back and clutching his pillow just that little bit tighter. He'd been excused from most of the rebuilding efforts because of his injury, but he'd rather have been out working than in here sulking.

His mind drifted hazily as he stared at the ceiling, trying to think of something to do. Perhaps...

Yes. He'd been meaning to do that for a while anyways, this would be the perfect opportunity.

(|||)

Tadashi pulled the door open without knocking, calling out "It's just me!" as he entered.

"Oh, Tadashi!" Yoshino said, looking up from her book with a startled expression. "Are you supposed to be out of bed yet? How's your stomach?"

"It's well enough," Tadashi shrugged, ignoring the flare of pain that came along with the movement. "Is Shikamaru around? I need to talk to him about something."

"It's about his soulmate, right?" she said knowingly, putting her book down with a sigh. "That stubborn boy... He asked for a band to cover his wrist, but he won't tell us anything else. Do you know who it is?"

"I... believe so," Tadashi said slowly, measuring his words carefully to make sure that he didn't give anything away that Shikamaru didn't want him to. "With the revelations that have come about recently—" namely, that the Kage of Suna had been replaced by an imposter, and thus the whole reason behind the attack in the first place had become suspect, "—I think that it could potentially turn out well. It depends on the two of them, of course, but the odds aren't quite so against them anymore."

Yoshino noticeably softened, gifting him with a wry smile. "Well, I suppose that's the best you can ask for, sometimes."

She stood up, coming over and embracing Tadashi gently. He stood there, stiff and unsure for a moment, and then relaxed, returning the affection.

"Thank you for always looking after my son," she whispered, and Tadashi felt her lips press against the side of his head. "You're the best brother he could have ever asked for."

Tadashi pulled away, awkwardly clearing his throat as he blinked rapidly.

"Uh, thanks," he said lamely, trying to hide how much that statement had affected him. "So, uh, is he around? I figured that now would be as good a time as any."

"I'm afraid not," Yoshino shook her head. "He left a few hours ago on an urgent mission with a bunch of other genin."

Tadashi frowned, instincts prickling at the back of his mind. "Urgent mission? I thought anyone chūnin or below weren't taking any missions right now, so that they could concentrate on the rebuilding?"

"Uchiha-kun was kidnapped," Yoshino said gravely, nodding in agreement when Tadashi let out a sharp breath. That was _bad_. "They suspect that it's the remnants of Orochimaru's forces. Uzumaki-kun insisted that they go after him, and Shikamaru offered to lead."

"Shit," Tadashi mumbled, mind running through the hundreds of circumstances where this could go wrong. "Any idea of who else was going?"

"I know that they were planning on asking Kiba-kun, Hyuga-kun, and Choji," she reported, expression echoing the concern that Tadashi was feeling. "I don't know who else might have gone."

"No, that's enough," Tadashi said distractedly, thinking of all the people he should start rounding up. "Thank you. I'll bring some medics, see if they need help."

He went for the door, breaking out into a run as he got outside.

"Be careful!" Yoshino yelled after him. "Don't make your injuries worse!"

Well, hopefully it wouldn't come to that.

Tadashi popped by the hospital, only to find that a team was already waiting.

"I knew that you would get here as soon as you heard that your little cousin had wandered off," Hana said confidently, hands on her hips as she grinned at him. "So I went to the liberty of grabbing some medics. We've just been waiting on you. Let's get moving!"

"I—" Tadashi trailed off, biting his lip at her unexpected appearance. He hadn't spoken to Hana in days, not since he'd had to tell her about Kabuto's betrayal. It hadn't ended well, and the both of them had left that meeting with a bitter ache in their hearts.

Hana softened somewhat, approaching him and putting her hand on his shoulder. "Come on. We're teammates, aren't we? Let's show them what we're made of."

Tadashi could only grin helplessly, suddenly overcome with just how grateful he was for people like Inuzuka Hana.

(|||)

They came across Choji first, and Tadashi winced at the state the kid was in. To be forced to use his family's special pills... He must have been facing a very tough opponent indeed. They left two healers to attend to him, and they would hopefully be bringing him back to the village once he was stabilized.

Neji was next, and he was almost in a worse state than Choji!

 _Just what kind of monsters have these kids been facing?_ Tadashi thought with growing dread. The top genin this year were all from founding clans, and none of them were weaklings.

He and Hana exchanged an anxious glance, worry for their brats rising with every second.

The most experienced medic was the one to stay behind with Neji, having deemed herself the one best able to deal with all the strange puncture wounds he had.

They could only hope that none of the other kids had such critical injuries, or they would be in trouble. They'd only brought seven medics with them, and though Hana could assist them in a pinch, that still left them with only five healers. There was still three kids left, in unknown conditions.

Tadashi could only hope that this day wasn't going to end in tragedy.

Suddenly, the terrain changed drastically. A whole bunch of the trees in front of them had been torn completely out of the ground, even down to the roots.

And ahead of them, Tadashi heard someone speaking. He perked up, moving faster. He'd know the sound of that complaining anywhere!

"Shikamaru!" Tadashi called out, only to stop short when he saw who was standing beside his cousin.

Temari lifted her head stubbornly, refusing to be intimidated by their abrupt appearance. "Hey. I just saved your clanmate's ass. You're welcome."

Hana let out an incredulous laugh, and Tadashi merely stood there, completely bewildered.

"I like you!" Hana said cheerily, before punching Tadashi in the shoulder to snap him out of his daze.

"Oh, yes," Tadashi stammered, and took a breath to regain his composure. He put his professional face back on, scanning the two kids for any injuries. "Are you guys hurt?"

"I think I broke my finger, but that's it," Shikamaru muttered. He looked utterly exhausted, and Tadashi could definitely sympathize.

Temari shook her head, shifting to place a hand on her giant fan. "Nothing for me."

"Alright, then I'll have to ask you—"

"What about Choji?" Shikamaru interrupted desperately, and Tadashi was caught off guard by the uncharacteristic action. "You guys must have passed him on the way here. Is he alright? Is he alive?"

Tadashi exchanged a glance with his teammate, unsure of how much they should tell the distraught teen.

"He's alive," Hana said finally. "You two should head back, meet up with the medics and help wherever you can, okay?"

Shikamaru bit his lip, but nodded regardless. Temari studied them all for a moment, and then grunted her assent.

When they turned to leave, Shikamaru called after them for a moment.

"I don't know where Kiba ended up, but I do know that Naruto was headed for the Valley of the End!"

"Alright!" Tadashi replied, giving his cousin a reassuring wave. "We'll find them! Just concentrate on what you can do to help the others!"

Their group bounded through the trees, following the three Haimaru brothers. They ended up at a riverbed, with another surprise guest.

"Who the hell are you?" Hana snarled, stalking over to the boy who was hovering over her younger brother.

He jumped, startled. Tadashi blinked at the vivid face-paint he was wearing, a little caught off-guard.

"U-uh, I'm Kankurō," he stammered, though Tadashi noticed that he didn't move from his place by Kiba's side. "I'm Temari's brother? We came here to help."

Hana didn't quite soften, but she looked less aggressive at the revelation. "Alright. What's the damage?"

Kankurō nodded, looking a bit grateful to have the killing-intent off him. "He's gonna have a lot of bruises, and a nasty stomach wound. The dog looks okay, but it's completely knocked out."

At the words 'stomach wound', two of the medics came forwards immediately, pulling off Kiba's torn jacket to get a better look.

Tadashi let out a pained hiss of sympathy at the sight, his own stomach clenching uncomfortably.

But while the medics were looking over Kiba, and Hana was checking out Akamaru, Tadashi's eyes were drawn to something else.

Kankurō's golden compass, that was pointing directly at Kiba.

"You—" he started, eyes widening in surprise.

Kankurō nodded sharply, cutting him off with a bit of a twisted expression on his face.

"I figured it out during the exams," he admittedly, pitching his voice low so that only the two of them would hear it. "But this is the first time I actually got close enough to confirm it, and to have my compass change. Besides, I didn't want to say anything before... with, _y'know_."

 _With the whole invasion thing, yes,_ Tadashi thought sarcastically, but he decided to be tactful for once and keep that to himself.

"Did anyone else come with you?" he said instead, changing the subject. It was really none of his business on who Kiba's soulmate was— Hana would more than happily take care of that.

"My brother," Kankurō muttered, looking almost more uncomfortable with this topic than he had before. "Gaara. The redhead."

Ah. The possessed one. But once again, he didn't say anything, keeping his expression carefully neutral. He'd never actually met Gaara, so it was best not to form any erroneous opinions before he'd even spoken to the kid.

"He went to the Valley of the End, then? That's where we're heading next."

Kankurō just nodded, gaze fixing on the sight of Kiba's pained visage as the medics worked on him, looking absolutely miserable even when unconscious.

"Go," Tadashi made a dismissing gesture, giving the boy a small smile when he looked up, startled. "We can take care of things from here."

Kankurō hesitated only a moment longer, and then raced over.

"Hana!" Tadashi called over, gesturing for the last two medics to fall in step with him. "We're going ahead, good luck!"

"Same to you!" she replied without looking up from her work, frowning in concentration as she eased Akamaru's pain.

 _I'll need it_ , Tadashi thought grimly. For some reason, his wrist was beginning to itch. It had been doing that a lot, recently.

(|||)

When the three-man squad was approaching the clearing right before the valley, they were joined by another shinobi.

"Hatake-san?" Tadashi blurted out. "Aren't you still supposed to be on bedrest?"

"What the hospital doesn't know can't hurt them," Kakashi said cheerfully, making the two medics on the team level him with a dark look. But he quickly sobered. "There's two chakra signatures ahead, but neither of them are Naruto's. Pakkun and I are going to go further and find him."

"Right, good luck," Tadashi bid him goodbye, absently noticing that the man hadn't said anything about the missing Uchiha. Had he already been taken past the borders? Had all of this trouble been for _nothing?_

Kakashi didn't stick around to address any of his suspicions, bolting towards the valley.

When they finally entered the clearing, Tadashi could practically feel his blood pressure rising.

"Okay, I know for a fact that _you're_ supposed to be in the hospital!" he said, pointing at Lee accusingly. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"My comrades required my assistance!" Lee said, striking a heroic pose. "It is only right that I come and fight by their sides!"

"Alright..." Tadashi relented, knowing when he just had to let something go. "Are you injured?"

"Very! My youthful body feels like it could fail me at any moment!"

Tadashi wanted to smack himself, but settled for sighing instead. Lee actually swayed for a moment, looking like he was about to collapse, but he was caught by a tendril of sand.

The medics swooped down on Lee, disregarding his protests as they began to heal his injuries, and Tadashi turned to their unlikely ally.

"Thanks for this," he said, nodding in acknowledgement. "Lee really shouldn't be out fighting right now."

Gaara remained silent, gaze fixed steadily on Tadashi's face. Tadashi ignored it, stepping forward to survey the kid for any outward injuries.

"Are you injured at all—"

Suddenly, the itching on his wrist became _burning_.

Tadashi cursed, pulling up his sleeve to scratch at the compass—

The compass. The _golden_ compass, the one he hadn't even looked at in years, the one that was pointing right at—

"We are soulmates," Gaara stated bluntly, his own wrist extended to show the golden needle pointing directly at Tadashi.

"Seems like it," Tadashi managed to say, feeling like a frog was caught in his throat.

He knew that he had a soulmate, he _knew_ that— but. But he'd never actually thought of it as something _real_. He'd lived an entire lifetime where the concept of a soulmate was just that— a _concept!_ It was something for romantics and dreamers, not something to be taken seriously.

And now— what was he supposed to say? What was he supposed to _do?_

And why the hell did the universe think that he and _Gaara_ would be the perfect match?

Gaara didn't seem to know either, because the two of them could only stand in awkward silence until one of the medics called them over.

"We've done all that we can, out here at least. We need to get all these kids back to the hospital."

Tadashi stumbled away, mind racing a mile a minute. _He couldn't do this._ Not now.

A moment later, when they were packing up, Kakashi emerged from the woods with Naruto in his arms— and no Uchiha in sight. Gaara didn't say another word during the whole trip back, but his eyes were fixed firmly on Tadashi, and _he had no idea what he was supposed to do._

Okay, okay. He would— he would just have to be honest. Really, there was no way they could ever work. They were from different villages, _everything_ was so different— and for fuck's sake, Gaara was probably _twelve_ , maybe thirteen at most. Tadashi was sixteen, just— _no_. Gaara would understand.

Hopefully.

(|||)

Gaara kept his eyes firmly on the dull hospital walls, trying to stay as inconspicuous as possible. The last time he had been in here, after all, had been because he was attempting assassination.

That didn't do much for people's opinion of him.

Mother had been a lot quieter, ever since they were defeated, but he didn't want to let his guard down. Especially since he had met his soulmate.

His _soulmate_ , who had introduced himself as Nara Tadashi.

Gaara had never imagined that he would know his soulmate's name. He'd always assumed that he would have killed them, just like Yashamaru said he would. Just like Mother said he would.

And if he'd met Tadashi a month ago, maybe he would have.

But _now_... now he had a chance. That was more than he had ever expected.

"Hey, uh, Gaara?"

He turned, seeing Tadashi approach him with a strangely determined light to his features.

"Okay, so, I have no idea what the hell I'm supposed to do. We were enemies not too long ago, and we'll still be living pretty far apart. I don't even know if you want to acknowledge this at all, but if you do. Um. We could? Try writing letters? Just to, uh, get to know each other a bit more. But only if you want to, of course, I'm not trying to—"

"Letters sounds nice," Gaara interrupted the babbling, trying to ease the look of embarrassment and strain that had appeared on Tadashi's face. His voice was raspy, and he internally winced at how unwelcoming he must have sounded, but Tadashi seemed to interpret him correctly.

He smiled, relief coloring his expression, and scribbled something on a piece of paper before handing it to Gaara.

"It's my address," he explained, and Gaara carefully tucked it away.

They stood there for a moment, awkwardness threatening to consume them as Gaara wracked his brain for something to say that wouldn't make him seem like a psychopath.

"Wanna go get some ramen?" Tadashi offered, something almost shy in the tentative way he extended his hand. "I know the best place in town, and it'll be awhile before they're done working on the kids."

Gaara could only nod, not trusting his voice to convey what he truly meant. He took Tadashi's hand, allowing the older male to pull him out of his seat.

When they walked out of the hospital doors and into the bright sunlight, it finally seemed like Gaara had something to look forward to.

(|||)

Shit. _Shit_. That was _not_ what he had meant to do.

Tadashi glanced at his soulmate(?), taking in the way his shoulders had relaxed, his expression becoming just a little bit less guarded. It was... nice. Tadashi was glad that he'd been able to make Gaara happy, even if for just a moment.

He still had reservations about this, he _did_. He still had no idea what he was going to do. But...

"Do you like ramen?" Gaara asked, suddenly.

Tadashi jolted to attention, giving him a sheepish grin. The raspy quality to his voice was going to take some getting used to— it reminded him too much of that enemy he'd faced during the invasion.

"Uh, yeah, one of my favorites," he said, trying to sound upbeat. For a moment, he wondered why Gaara would ask something like that— clearly he liked ramen if he was the one to suggest it, but he realized belatedly that the kid was probably trying to start a conversation. Shit, okay, Tadashi could do this. "Do you have a favorite? Um, food, I mean."

The way Gaara's mouth twitched wasn't quite a smile, but it looked like it could get there, someday.

Alright. Apparently, he was going to do this. _Fuck_. Tadashi's judgement had never been the most sensible part of him, (case in point: Kabuto) but hopefully he wouldn't end up regretting this. He was actually a little surprised to find that he _wanted_ this.

He wanted to try.


	11. tempora mutantur et nos mutamur in illis

["tempora mutantur et nos mutamur in illis"- _the times are changing, and we change in them_ ]

* * *

 _Gaara,_

 _I'm glad that things are starting to level out for you. From everything you've told me, you've been working really hard. I have confidence that the others will recognize that it due time._

 _Things here are… about the same as always. I wish I could tell you about some of my missions. The craziest things always seem to happen, no matter how much I try to avoid it! Shikamaru says hello, by the way. (I think he wants to try sending Temari a letter, but he's too nervous.)_

 _I'm… not as good with words as I would like to think, but I just have to get this out— thank you so much, for everything. Just having you in my life, having one sane person to talk to, is completely amazing. My life feels like a walking disaster sometimes, and I could never properly explain how much I appreciate your calmness._

 _You're really amazing, you know that?_

 _—with best wishes, Tadashi._

(|||)

"C'mon, what's it like?" Kiba asked, poking him in the ribs to try and get his attention. After years of dealing with Hana, Tadashi knew that it was meant in a friendly way, but he still pushed the boy away with a scowl. He _really_ didn't feel like dealing with this again. First with his father, then Hana— when she hadn't gotten the answers she wanted, she must have sent her brother after him. She would've had more luck sending Shino, honestly.

"Shouldn't I be saying that to you? I mean, our soulmates are brothers." And wasn't _that_ a weird sentence.

Kiba rolled his eyes, and by his feet, Akamaru gave an enthusiastic bark. "Yeah, but our situations are way different. Like, no offense, but Gaara isn't quite what a person would expect for their soulmate."

"Oh, like _Kankūro_ is so great," Tadashi snapped, feeling himself flush with embarrassment. Okay, Gaara had... _issues_ , but he was working on it! And Tadashi had a lot of respect for a person who could recognize those faults in himself and work to fix it. "That gaudy face-paint is _real_ charming."

"The face-paint is endearing!" Kiba protested, and this time he was the one blushing.

"Look, I know you mean well," Tadashi said, his anger abruptly fading and leaving only a deep sense of exhaustion in it's wake. "Everyone means well. They've all got questions, and I _don't know the answers_. So, just trust that I can take care of myself, okay?"

Kiba tilted his head, studying him intently. Then, he shrugged. "Alright. That's fair. Just... know that we'll be here if you need us, okay? And by _us_ , I mean Hana."

Now, that made Tadashi laugh. "Sounds about right."

(|||)

 _Gaara,_

 _Hey, I know that you can do this. You're strong, and you've worked so hard. The council will recognize all of it, I'm sure._

 _You've had a tough time in the past, that's true. There's nothing that can be done to deny that— you can't change the past. But you're a different person now. All you have to do is prove that to them. Just know that no matter what happens, I'll still support you. I'm on your side. You've more than proven that you deserve my loyalty._

 _—good luck, Tadashi_

(|||)

"I just don't know what to do anymore!" Ino complained, laying her head on the counter with a groan.

Tadashi glanced over from where he was mixing the batter, trying not to laugh. He knew that she wouldn't appreciate that.

"Have you tried outright _telling_ her that you're flirting?"

"Yes!" she said, throwing her hands up in exasperation. "She always thinks I'm joking! She's pushed me so far into the friend zone that it isn't even funny! She doesn't take me seriously when I ask her to go out with me, when I ask her to dinner, anything!"

"Well, that's your main problem right there," Tadashi pointed out. "You're her _friend_. And you have been for years. Even though you're soulmates, she's probably never even considered anything more. Or maybe she has, and she truly _is_ afraid that you're joking. You have a bit of a flirty personality, Ino, especially with the people you're closest to."

Ino's shoulders slumped, acknowledging Tadashi's point with a sigh.

"I just… I don't know how to make myself anymore clear," she confessed softly, and Tadashi felt his chest swell with sympathy at the truly distressed look on her face. "Sakura is… She's everything. She always has been. How do you explain that to someone?"

Tadashi thought for a few minutes, slowing his movements with a contemplative look.

"I can't really say for certain," he said slowly. "I'm only just beginning to figure that out for myself. I've never…"

Not in this life, not before. He'd never had the time or patience for love, never trusted anyone enough to dedicate his entire self to them. He wanted to— he _did_ , but he wasn't sure how. It was Tadashi's hope now, that with Gaara, he could finally give someone that trust. Not, not _romantically_ or anything. Just… Shit. He wasn't sure what he'd meant.

It wasn't because they were soulmates, or because some crackpot deity had decided to shove the two of them together. It was because Gaara was so determined, so hard-working, so undeniably _kind_. Neither of them were the best at expressing their feelings, but they actually tried. And that meant so much. Tadashi knew, intellectually, that if their soulmate marks hadn't pushed them together they might never have had the chance to properly meet, but he liked to think that they would have become friends anyway.

This wasn't about love. It was about trust.

"What do you admire about Sakura?" Tadashi asked, getting himself back on track. They were talking about Ino's problems right now, not his. "What is it about her that made you fall in love?"

"God, do I have to pick just one thing?" Ino laughed, the sound a bit more hysterical than she probably realized. "The way she smiles when she answers a question correctly, the way she loves people so _deeply_ , that amazing left hook— I could keep going forever. She's badass and wonderful and I'm so damn lucky that she's my best friend, but… Is it wrong, to want more?"

"I wouldn't say it's _wrong_ ," Tadashi said mildly, pouring the batter into a pan. "But I also don't think that I'm the one you really need to say all of this to. Sakura cares for you, Ino— that much has always been clear. There could be many reasons for her behavior, and I doubt that I could ever interpret them as well as you. If I may give one piece of advice?"

"Please," Ino nodded, biting her lip.

"Stop thinking of her as your soulmate. Just think of her as Sakura, as the girl that you love. Perhaps those words of explanation will come clearer to you, then."

That's what he had been doing with Gaara, at least. Affection came easier when he wasn't worrying about the social and political ramifications of being soulmates with such a powerful shinobi. Even if they _were_ allies now.

Ino tilted her head to the side slightly, a bit of a curious expression on her face. "Hm… I've never really considered that. Well, I suppose it's a better idea than all of my previous attempts."

"Glad I was able to help," Tadashi chuckled. "Now, are you gonna help me finish this cake or what?"

Though she whined, Ino grudgingly assisted him. Tadashi wasn't sure why she was complaining— she had been the one to come over and demand that he make a cake in the first place.

But, oh well. He didn't really mind.

(|||)

 _Gaara,_

 _Wow, Kazekage? I knew you could do it! I bet the ceremony will be amazing. I wish that I could go. Well, regardless— don't stress too much. It's a difficult job, but I know that you can handle it. You've worked too hard to give up now!_

 _Seriously though… I'm so proud of you. You deserve this, more than anyone else I know. And I know that you care about your village, and that you'd do anything to keep them safe. They're lucky to have you. Just don't forget about me when you become rich and famous, okay?_

 _—I'm rooting for you, Tadashi._

(|||)

"Hinata?" Tadashi said, a bit bewildered at the girl's sudden appearance. "Did I miss a mission assignment?"

He'd been working with Hinata quite often lately. Her talent had only grown as she had gotten older, and it was nice to have someone at his back— who could not only assist in tracking, but also pull his ass out of the fire if need be.

"O-oh, no," she shook her head, reaching up to tuck a long strand of hair behind her ear. She must have just come from training— her hair was starting to come out of it's typical braid. "I was j-just, hoping that I could talk to you?"

"Of course, just give me a moment." Tadashi shifted the grocery bag to his other hand, pulling the door to his home open. He was almost twenty now, far past the age when he would have left home in his previous life, but things were different here. His father even preferred it— it meant that there was someone to watch over the house when he was gone on long missions.

They stepped inside, and Hinata hovered anxiously as Tadashi put the groceries away.

"Go on, sit down."

After she had obeyed, he finished in just a moment and sat down across from her.

"So, what's up?"

"You have met your soulmate, correct?" Hinata went right into it, bulldozing through any hesitation that she might have felt.

"Uh, yes," Tadashi nodded, eyes drawn to the black band around his wrist. It wasn't quite as irritating as he'd thought it would be— less restricting. "Why?"

"What did it feel like?" she asked quietly. "When you knew that they were approaching, how did it feel?"

Tadashi leaned back in his chair, considering this carefully. He wasn't sure why people kept coming to him for advice— he rarely ever knew what he was talking about. In this, especially. What was he supposed to say? He hadn't even noticed that his compass was slowing down until way after the fact. And somehow, he didn't think that would really help answer Hinata's question.

"It… itched," he said finally, trying to remember the sensation. "I didn't notice until it was pretty late, but my wrist was bothering me for a while. And then once I got close enough to him, it started burning, and that's when my compass changed."

"Oh..." Hinata stared down at her hands, something unreadable in her expression.

"Now," he said firmly, unwilling to let her try and squirm away as she often tried. "What is this all about?"

Her shoulders slumped.

"During the chunin exams, I… I think I felt my soulmate!" It all came out in a rush, as if she'd been holding back a tidal wave of regret for all this time. And no wonder— the chunin exams had been years ago! "I felt the same sensations that you described, but I never got close enough for my compass to turn. I tried to go out and find them, but no matter where I went they always seemed to be two steps ahead! I… I think they might've been _avoiding_ me."

Tadashi said nothing, merely keeping his gaze fixed on her face to show that she held his attention. Hinata didn't need him to try and explain anything to her right now— she just needed him to listen.

"And now, it's been _years_. And all I can wonder is if I lost my chance. What if I spend the rest of my life chasing after them and nothing ever comes of it? What if I never meet them at all?"

Her miserable expression made his heart ache, but there was nothing he could do. He had no words to console her, and no longer had a bullshit excuse to pull out. When Hinata began to silently cry, he did the only thing he could. Tadashi walked over to the fridge, and pulled out the last slice of cake.

She hugged him, later, and he couldn't help but feel that he didn't deserve it.

This whole soulmate thing… was far more complicated than he had ever given it credit for. Was it really all about true love? Or did fate truly intend to have tragedy as one of the requirements?

(|||)

 _Tadashi,_

 _I am ever grateful for your support. Your encouragement over these past few years has pushed me to continue trying, even when the villagers shied away from me. Things aren't perfect, but I'm satisfied with what I have accomplished._

 _I understand why you can't come to the ceremony, and I look forward to your next visit. Perhaps this time, I will manage to talk you into trying some salted tongues? Ha. Don't worry. After the look on your face last time I suggested it, I wouldn't force that on you again._

 _—yours, Gaara_


	12. memores acti prudentes futuri

["memores acti prudentes futuri"- _mindful of things done, aware of things to come_ ]

* * *

Tadashi drummed his fingers on the countertop, lost in thought. He'd just gotten back from another mission— a fairly standard one, thankfully. Now he was at the mission desk, waiting to hand in his report.

His neck twinged in discomfort, and he stretched with a grimace. He was only twenty, he was way too young to have creaking joints!

"Everything go alright?" Iruka asked, quickly scanning over the report.

"Yeah, just fine," Tadashi shrugged, ignoring the way his body protested the movement. "Nothing out of the ordinary, thank god."

"Good for you!" Iruka said cheerfully, his eyes twinkling in a way that Tadashi just knew meant that he was silently laughing at him. "I know that your missions have a tendency to explode without warning. Sometimes literally."

"That seems to be the standard for Konoha shinobi," he quipped, grinning despite himself. He could admit to the hilarity in his situation, at least in retrospect.

"True enough!" Iruka shook his head helplessly, and then brought the stamp down on the papers with a very satisfying noise. "You're all set. Go enjoy your time off!"

"Oh, I _will_ ," Tadashi smirked. "Temari is here to help with the preparations for the exams. And since Shikamaru's in charge this year, they have to be _very close_. I need to go harass them before things start getting too busy."

"Well, have fun!"

Tadashi left the mission office, a spring in his step. Today was going to be a good day.

(|||)

"Well, well, well," Tadashi began, sneaking up behind the young couple and throwing his arms over their shoulders. "Just what do we have here? A couple of _lovebirds_ out for a stroll?"

Shikamaru groaned, shaking his cousin off. "It's not like that and you know it."

 _Yet_ , Tadashi thought with amusement, and seeing the way Temari eyed his cousin only made it more clear. He wasn't sure why Shikamaru was hesitating so much on this— perhaps it was just his way, wanting to take things slow.

Tadashi wished that he had that much restraint. When he became fond of someone, it took everything he had not to just latch onto them forever. It was only his eternal fear of being too _clingy_ and _annoying_ that kept him from doing it.

"Regardless, how is everything? Preparations going smoothly?" He'd let them off the hook, this one time.

"As well as could be expected," Temari shrugged, giving him a wry smile. "Bureaucrats and politics… They make everything far more complicated than it should be. I keep saying that our problems could be solved way easier with a kick to the face, but Shikamaru won't go for it."

Tadashi laughed, sticking his hands in his pockets as he followed behind them. He liked Temari. She was tough, and proud, and she stormed right through of any problems that faced her. With the two of them, he had no doubt of the reason behind their connection— Shikamaru was clever and quick, able to reason his way out of the battles Temari dragged them into, and Temari was blunt and stubborn enough not to let any of Shikamaru's awkwardness phase her, as well as easily pulling him out of his more anxious moods.

He wondered, in the face of something like that… Where did he and Gaara fit? Tadashi liked Gaara, would even call him one of his closest friends. But despite all of his protests about the inconsistent nature of 'soulmates', the question still haunted him.

"I'm just _saying_ —" Shikamaru argued, the exasperated tone drawing Tadashi back to the present.

"HEY! Shikamaru!"

As one, the group turned to see an orange blob heading towards them at top speed. When the person landed in front of them, they were revealed to be a shinobi around Shikamaru's age, wearing some kind of orange jumpsuit.

"It's so good to see you guys again!" he cheered, bouncing up and down on the heels of his sandals.

Tadashi glanced at the other two to see them staring at the kid in shock. So Tadashi turned to face him, studying him intently. He seemed a bit familiar, but…

 _Nope_. Tadashi had no idea.

"Uh, who are you?"

The kid almost fell over in his shock.

"I'm Uzumaki Naruto!" he said indignantly, shaking his fist. "You better remember it, because I'm gonna be the Hokage some day!"

"Uh, okay," Tadashi nodded blindly, trying to seem as if this wasn't news to him.

Shikamaru snickered, disguising the laugh as an abrupt cough. Temari didn't even bother.

"Oh, c'mon you guys!" Naruto whined. The expression on his face was so comically frustrated that Tadashi had to smother a laugh of his own. "My first day back, and this is the treatment I get?"

"It is good to see you again," Shikamaru said sincerely, leaning forward to clasp his shoulder. "Have you been training hard?"

"You bet!" Naruto cheered, folding his hands behind his head in a relaxed position.

"Good," Shikamaru smirked, a determined edge to his face. "Because this time, we'll be the ones to leave you in the dust."

"Now that I think about it," Temari chimed in, her grin sharpening with mischief. "We're all technically much stronger than you now, huh?"

"What?!" Naruto squawked. "No way!"

"You're still a genin," Shikamaru pointed out, having quickly discerned just what Temari was going for. "All the rest of us rookies have gone way past that."

"Seriously? Even Kiba?" Naruto looked flabbergasted at the very thought.

" _Especially_ Kiba," Tadashi said smugly, a flare of protectiveness rising. He wasn't especially close to the kid, but he was Hana's brother and the soulmate of his soulmate's brother (still so weird), so some allowances had to be made. "He's a jōnin now."

"Well, uh," Naruto fumbled, searching desperately for someone who he thought might still be at his rank. "What about Sakura-chan? Choji? Lee?"

"All jōnin," Shikamaru shrugged, though something in his expression had become sympathetic. "You've been gone for three years, Naruto. A lot can change in that amount of time."

He didn't apologize, even though Tadashi could tell that he wanted to. Personally, he didn't think they had a reason to, but he was well aware of his failures in the art of human communication.

Naruto turned to Temari, likely hoping that she would pull him out of this mess.

"Don't look at me," she shook her head. "Kankurō and I have been jōnin for years. I work with the council, actually."

"But not Gaara!" Naruto said brightly, having noticed the way he'd been left out of her speech. "Does that mean he's a chūnin? I could live with that…"

The three of them glanced at each other. Should we tell him?

They would feel a bit bad about it, after all this…

 _Ah, what the hell_ , Tadashi thought. Out loud, he said; "Nope. Gaara's not a chūnin."

"Then what is he?" Naruto said cluelessly, scratching the back of his head.

"He's the Kazekage."

Tadashi watched with a bit of hidden glee as Naruto's expression changed rapidly as he processed that.

" _WHAT?_ You've gotta be kidding me!"

"Nope!" Temari said cheerily, eyes softening at the mention of her little brother.

They had come a long way, those three. In his letters, Gaara had told Tadashi about how frightened his siblings had been of him— how _everyone_ had been terrified of him, of his status as a jinchūriki. He'd worked very hard to gain their trust and support, and the way Temari and Kankurō looked out for him now was clear proof of that.

"Man, I'm so behind!" Naruto complained— though to Tadashi's surprise, he didn't look the least bit saddened by the news. His grin was still as bright as ever. "I guess that just means that I'm gonna have to work extra hard to catch up to you guys!"

"You better!" Shikamaru replied, wearing an easy grin of his own.

Tadashi let out a quiet huff of laughter, watching the three younger shinobi interact. He wished that things could always be like this— that things could always be so easy. This peace didn't come without its hardships, true, but they were worth it.

What they had, what _Tadashi_ had, was so worth every bit of pain he'd felt.

A few hours later, after ditching the three of them to talk amongst themselves, Tadashi found himself in the market area. He was dithering to himself over whether or not he should waste money on yet _another_ new notebook that he was never going to write in, when he was approached by an unlikely figure.

"The Hokage wishes for you to come to her office immediately," the Anbu agent said formally.

Tadashi nodded, shoving away the spike of anxiety. He hadn't done anything wrong. There was no reason for him to be in trouble— most likely, Tsunade simply wished for him to explain or confirm something about his report. It wouldn't be _that_ out of character.

"Right. I'm on my way."

(|||)

"Hokage-sama?" Tadashi said warily, eyes darting around to study the other people in the room. Temari, Shizune, all of Team Seven… And they were all being unusually awkward, almost like they were trying to avoid his gaze. "May I ask why you have summoned me here?"

"The Kazekage has been captured, supposedly by a group calling themselves the Akatsuki," Tsunade went right into it, ignoring the sharp intake of breath Tadashi made at the revelation. "I intend to send a team to assist in his rescue."

Tadashi nodded in acknowledgement, fighting to keep his face blank. Gaara, captured? In his own village? Who could possibly have had the firepower to take out a man who _controlled sand_ in the middle of the _fucking desert?_

"The reason why I'm telling you this is simple," Tsunade said, a serious expression on her face as she linked her hands under her chin. "I know that you're not a front-line fighter. You're not even a support fighter, not really. But as the Kazekage is your soulmate, you have the right to know, and to this offer. So, do you want to join in with this mission?"

He really shouldn't. He'd only gotten back from another mission this morning, his body ached and it felt like his exhaustion could overwhelm him at any moment, but—

 _Gaara_.

Gaara, who he hadn't gotten the chance to know nearly as much as he wished, whom he kept stalling over and keeping at arm's length because he was afraid that destiny was _wrong_ , that Tadashi wasn't what Gaara needed—

"Of course," he blurted out, saying it before he could lose his nerve. "When do we leave?"

"Ten minutes," Tsunade said with finality, holding up a hand to halt Naruto and Temari's protests. "Enough time to get all of your things together and meet up at the front gate. We'll be sending another team to assist you, but they haven't arrived yet. If the Akatsuki have truly taken the Kazekage, you'll need all the support you can get. Dismissed!"

The group scattered, Tadashi racing home with his heart in his hands. _God_ , he wasn't ready to lose this.

Whatever is was that he and Gaara had, whatever name they could've put to it— he refused to just let it disappear without a fight.


	13. quos amor verus tenuit tenebit

["quos amor verus tenuit tenebit"- _those whom true love has held, it will go on holding_ ]

* * *

His mind was a complete mess, thoughts swirling around too fast for him to comprehend. Of course, Tadashi kept his turmoil to himself. This was no time to be distracted.

When the forest thinned out into desert sand, he kept running, unbothered by the relentless pace. Naruto was at the front of the pack, looking just as determined as Tadashi was, and he wondered what the connection was there.

They had been in the chūnin exams at the same time, and Gaara had left his village to assist him during the hunt for that wayward Uchiha. Perhaps they had become friends in that time?

At the thought, Tadashi found himself hesitating. He wanted to approach Naruto, ask him about their relationship. Ask him what he thought of Gaara, what kind of person Gaara was… For all that their letters did, Tadashi and Gaara very rarely got to see each other in person. They both had high-profile, uniquely specialized positions— they couldn't afford to take time off to go gallivanting across the Land of Fire.

Not even for their soulmate. Tadashi… regretted that. When this was over— when Gaara was safe, he was going to tell him. Tadashi would explain everything— how he wasn't trying to avoid Gaara or what they were.

Tadashi had lived an entire lifetime of regretting mistakes. He still made them, even now, but he didn't want this to be one of them.

(|||)

Kankurō had been attacked, and he was laying on a hospital bed right now— gasping in pain as Sakura tried to remove the poison.

Temari's head was in her hands, and Tadashi had no idea what to do. Shikamaru had never gotten severely injured— never left poisoned and dying just outside of the village gates. What was he supposed to even _say_ , in a situation like this?

"I wouldn't worry too much," he offered quietly, taking the seat next to her in the dreary waiting room. "Sakura-san is an incredibly accomplished medic. She has been trained under Tsunade-sama herself, and has been working at the hospital for years now. If she says that she can remove the poison, then I have the utmost confidence in her."

Temari scoffed, but Tadashi didn't take it personally. The way her shoulders trembled, the exhaustion lining her face… There was a fear, a sick expectation that Tadashi hoped he would never have to experience himself.

"That's easy for you to say. It's not your little brother on the operating table." Her words weren't _cruel_ — Temari was never really cruel, but Tadashi felt the sting anyway.

She must have noticed his muted flinch, because her shoulders drooped with a sigh.

"I appreciate the concern, Tadashi. But… Kankurō's my little brother. And he's been poisoned by the best puppet master in the world. All in defense of Gaara, who's also my little brother, and has gone and gotten himself fucking _kidnapped_ —"

Tadashi cut her off, gently placing his hand on her shoulder. "You don't have to explain yourself to me. I can't understand how difficult this is for you… But we're all still here. Kankurō isn't dead, and Gaara will be recovered. I promise."

He held her gaze, trying to convey his sincerity. Tadashi didn't make promises that he couldn't keep. He would save Gaara— he was too stubborn to let go.

"He talks about you," Temari said suddenly.

Tadashi blinked at the non-sequitur. "Ah… He does?"

"Mm," she nodded, and her frown had twisted into a wry kind of grin. "More like _bragging_ , really. He's so happy that you're here. That you exist. I don't know everything that happened to him when we were kids, and I'll regret that for the rest of my life, but… I know that someone —maybe it was Yashamaru, maybe it was a villager, maybe it was a whole number of people— well, they told him that he didn't have a soulmate. That he didn't _deserve_ one. I know that things aren't perfect for the two of you. I know that you're still trying to figure things out, still trying to see where you stand. But you make him happy. When he gets one of your letters, his whole face just lights up. I don't want him to lose that. I don't want you to lose it either."

Tadashi was speechless, frozen in place. And then, despite the circumstances, despite the absolute nightmare that this day had become, a warm feeling welled up in his chest.

To know that Gaara cared for him, was _happy_ when they interacted… Tadashi had needed that, perhaps even more than he realized.

"Thanks, Temari," he smiled, truly grateful. She must have noticed his trepidation, and taken the time to reassure him, even when she was the one who was suffering. "Shikamaru is very lucky to have someone like you as his soulmate."

Temari's cheeks tinted lightly, and she then stood, gently punching his shoulder. "My little brother didn't do too bad with you either."

Tadashi really hoped that this good fortune would last. No, he would make sure that it would. No more hesitation, no more fear.

Gaara had family, an entire village that missed him desperately. And whatever the two of them were, Gaara undeniably possessed Tadashi as well. Tadashi was selfish. He wasn't planning on letting that go without a fight.

(|||)

When Kankurō had recovered and told them everything he could remember about his ill-fated meeting with the Akatsuki, the team was eager to set out.

Temari wouldn't be coming with them, despite her bitter complaints. They needed her to run Sunagakure in Gaara's absence, and she was the only person qualified to handle the Kage duties as well as wrangling the council.

In her place… was a crotchety old woman. Not an improvement, in Tadashi's mind, though he could admit to having some biases. He kept the contemptuous thoughts to himself, of course— he was nothing if not professional.

And it wasn't like he didn't acknowledge Chiyo-sama's skill, or the insight that she could bring to them on this mission. It was just her _personality_.

"Oi, lazy-boy! Move a little faster, will you? I'm not getting any younger!" Chiyo said impatiently, shooting a disgruntled look in Tadashi's direction.

Tadashi merely picked up the pace, sending her a bland smile. She scoffed, and the second the elder turned away Tadashi let his false-happiness drop.

He _despised_ that nickname. Just because he was a Nara did not mean that he was lazy. That was a completely inaccurate stereotype, anyway! There's a difference in being _lazy_ and feeling _indifferent_ because you're not being properly engaged. Gah. Tadashi figured that this would always be one of his sore spots.

Luckily, Chiyo seemed to be distracted by Sakura at the moment—

 _And_ , now she was hanging back to fall in place beside him.

Tadashi shot Sakura a desperate look, but she merely bit her lip, fighting against the smile Tadashi could see threatening to break free. Sakura left him to the elder's mercy, moving so that she could speak quietly to Naruto as they ran.

Which, okay. He couldn't fault her for looking out for her teammate. He'd do the same thing for Hana in a heartbeat— he'd do a lot worse, actually.

"Chiyo-sama," Tadashi said, dipping his head in respect when it seemed like she was waiting for him to make the first move.

"So, boy," she said, eyeing him critically. "You're supposed to be little Gaara's soulmate, hm?"

Tadashi barely kept himself from bristling at her dismissive tone. He knew that he wasn't much compared to Gaara, he knew that their standings were so far apart it wasn't even funny. Tadashi had dealt with that enough— there were plenty of times, when people had realized his connection to Gaara, that they had looked him over and found him lacking. He didn't need some wrinkly old bag to remind him of that, _thanks_.

"I am," he replied neutrally, keeping his face blank of any of his inner ire.

"You don't look like much."

 _I could say the same about you_ , Tadashi thought furiously, but kept it in his mind with what felt like herculean effort. On the outside, he merely grunted.

At that, Chiyo huffed.

"You're no fun," she complained, her expression surprisingly childish. "What, not even going to stand up for yourself?"

"I am aware of my shortcomings, and what little I have to offer Gaara," Tadashi said evenly, trying to ignore they way that the rest of his companions had fallen silent, blatantly listening in. "There's no need for me to refute something that's true."

"My, what a boring life you must lead," Chiyo commented matter-of-factly, like she wasn't being incredibly rude.

Tadashi knew that she was just fishing for a reaction, but it didn't quench the urge to go ahead and _give_ her one.

"Then again, with the way Gaara is," Chiyo said carelessly, watching him out of the corner of her eye, "you must not have it much better. He's got an interesting history, doesn't he? I wonder— in this case, just who is stuck with who?"

"We are not _stuck_ with each other," Tadashi snapped, that last quip finally too much for him to let slide.

Chiyo laughed, something amused and triumphant in the sound, and Tadashi cursed himself for falling into her trap.

"Oh? How so?" she taunted, trying to draw as much anger out of him as possible.

Tadashi didn't know why she was bullying him so, but he found himself no longer caring. Attacks on himself he could stand— most were true, and he had no problems with that. But attacks on Gaara, who was a _good person_ and tried so hard to make that clear to other people? _That_ , he would not allow.

"We may be soulmates, but that word doesn't have to _mean_ anything," he said, frustrated words spilling out all of the thoughts he'd had on this subject over the years. "It's just a signal. It's just there to tell us to take notice, to consider what this person could be to us. It doesn't _force_ you to do anything. Neither of us are stuck because we _chose_ this. We wanted to try this, to see what we could become. Maybe we wouldn't have attempted that if it weren't for soulmarks, but that argument is moot. All that matters is what we do with them."

When Tadashi finished his mini-rant, fists clenched without his notice, the elder laughed again.

"Hah, if you say so," Chiyo grinned, but there was a sudden weariness in her expression that took all the fight out of him.

She could laugh and scorn him all she wanted. What he'd said, he meant it. Not once had his words rang false, not even with any of the half-truths he tended to favor.

Unknowingly, he'd begun to echo the advice he'd given Hinata, all those years ago. When had he started to believe it?


	14. longissimus dies cito conditur

["longissimus dies cito conditur"- _even the longest day soon ends_ ]

* * *

Holy shit, this was _not_ something that Tadashi was equipped to deal with.

Sure, he'd known from the start that there would be difficult battles ahead— anyone who managed to take out Gaara in his own element would have to be tough, but _Itachi?_

He hovered at the edge of the group, mind racing as he tried to find a solution. They might be able to beat him, but they'd have to be careful not to get caught up in any of his genjutsu first.

Thankfully, (and though he hated to say it) Itachi seemed to be concentrating on Naruto mainly. And if there was one thing that Tadashi was good at, it was remaining unnoticed.

When Naruto suddenly lulled, swaying back and forth, Chiyo and Sakura moved quickly, breaking him free from the genjutsu.

Instantly, Naruto took the opportunity to leap forward with a war cry, Kakashi at his heels.

Tadashi didn't bother trying to fight Itachi head on. Even if neither of them were combat experts, he knew who would win in a straight fight. Tadashi had experience with genjutsu, true, but not against the likes of the Sharingan.

Instead, he would have to do what he always does.

"Kage Nui no Jutsu!" he barked out, his shadow lashing out to wrap around the Uchiha. Even as he did so, he let out a grunt of effort as he tried to hold out against the immediate strain.

Itachi was a famous shinobi for a reason— Tadashi wouldn't be able to hold him for long. But that was alright, since he hopefully wouldn't have to.

Naruto and Kakashi took swift advantage of the opportunity provided, taking the Uchiha down without delay.

Tadashi released a shaky breath, retracting his shadow as he stood from his crouched position. Sakura and Chiyo joined him as he approached the felled body.

This was too easy.

"Something's wrong," Sakura said uneasily, unknowingly echoing Tadashi's thoughts.

"What do you mean, Sakura-chan?" Naruto cocked his head to the side, confident smile having returned to his face. "We're totally awesome! It's no surprise that we'd beat Itachi in a flash!"

"We're not _that_ awesome, Naruto-san," Tadashi said dryly. He joined Kakashi in inspecting the body, trying to see just what kind of trick this was.

He'd already disrupted his chakra flow, so he could be reasonably certain that it wasn't a genjutsu. But he wasn't lying— it was almost impossible to beat the Uchiha Itachi in such a short amount of time. Their group had only been hit with _one_ genjutsu, for fuck's sake! Sure, maybe they would have been able to defeat Itachi eventually— they had a lot of powerful people on their team, but not like _this_.

Suddenly, the body began to smoke.

Tadashi reacted in a flash, pulling Naruto back with him as he jumped away from the blast area. It didn't quite explode like he expected it to, but instead went up in a poof of white fog.

"What the hell was that?" Naruto exclaimed, running over to try and get a better look before anyone could stop him. "Some kind of replacement jutsu?"

"Or a jutsu _collapsing_ ," Kakashi said grimly, looking at the corpse left in the crater.

Tadashi strolled forward, cautiously peering over the edge. That was not Uchiha Itachi. He had no idea who it was.

"Damn!" he hissed, tugging on his ponytail in slight frustration. "I knew that this was just to keep us busy, but I thought at least we would get a shot at a real member of the Akatsuki! This guy must just be some lackey!"

"Keep us busy?" Naruto asked, eyes widening at the realization. " _Shit_. They're after Gaara's bijū, we need to hurry!"

"You don't need to say that twice," Chiyo growled, an almost feral lilt to her words.

Kakashi and Tadashi shared a cautious look, knowing just how far back this encounter had driven them. If they didn't go complete full-force from now on, they might be too late.

Not giving their kill a second glance, the ragtag team moved off at top speed, trying desperately to reach Gaara before—

Before Tadashi's compass began to fade into gray.

(|||)

Sakura-chan was busy asking that mean old lady some questions about Sasori, the bastard who poisoned Kankurō, and Sensei was debating how long it would take them to reach Gaara with his ninken, Pakkun.

Naruto really wanted them to keep moving, but they were already pretty close, if their estimate was to be trusted. Sensei and Sakura-chan had completely shot him down when he insisted they continue, so now he had nothing to do but wait.

And it was so frustrating! Gaara could be _dying_ right now, and they were all just lazing around! But the decision had already been made, and everyone had settled in for the night.

Which meant that since the others were all occupied, the only one that Naruto could talk to was the weird Nara guy.

He was supposed to be Gaara's soulmate, right? Naruto hadn't thought much of him at first. He seemed okay, sure, but this was about _Gaara_. Gaara had been dealt such a shitty hand in life— he deserved far more than just _okay_.

But then... His talk with Chiyo, earlier. Naruto had thought him to be so lame, not even trying to defend himself when she started saying all of those nasty things to him. But the split-second she'd gone after Gaara, his temper had almost audibly snapped.

Naruto could respect that. And besides, he'd never gotten anywhere by hesitating.

"So, hey! You're Shikamaru's brother or something, right?" he said cheerfully, hoping his face didn't reflect his inner anxiety over engaging a near-stranger in conversation.

"Cousin, actually," Tadashi said, voice weirdly smooth. It wasn't exactly unpleasant, just _strange_ — like all of his syllables were sliding into each other. "But yes. Is there something you need, Naruto-san?"

His shoulders tightened, just a bit. _So formal_... He had no idea how to respond to something like that.

"I just wanted to talk to you about Gaara." Damn it, mouth! What are you doing, saying things without permission?

"You and the rest of the world," Tadashi muttered under his breath, but thanks to his advanced senses, Naruto heard it just fine.

He almost wanted to take it back, but something kept his mouth shut. This was _important_.

"What do you want to ask?"

Shit, Naruto had no idea. Why did his brain never work when he needed it to?

"You... you know that he's a jinchūriki, right?"

Tadashi blinked, turning so that he could face Naruto directly. "Yes, I'm aware."

Naruto exhaled a noisy sigh of relief, rubbing the back of his head.

"Good, that's... good."

They drifted into an awkward silence, Naruto fidgeting in place as he scrambled for where to go from there.

"May I ask why you wished to know?" Tadashi lifted a brow, seeming more curious than judgmental, thankfully.

Naruto swallowed, wondering if he should just bite the kunai and go for it.

"I'm a jinchūriki," he said confidently. He kept his head raised high, refusing to shrink in the face of possible ostracism like he used to. "Our lives can be really shitty sometimes. Gaara's already had to deal with a lot of crap thanks to the demon trapped inside of him, so I refuse to let anyone else treat him that way. Even if it's his soulmate. _Especially_ then."

Tadashi just looked at him for a moment, as if attempting to discern his intentions, and then he smiled.

And... _yeah_. With a smile like that, Naruto thought that he was beginning to understand why a seemingly dull guy like this was Gaara's soulmate.

"Thank you," Tadashi said sincerely. "Because of our circumstances, I've never been able to spend time with Gaara the way I've wanted to. I'm glad that he has someone like you looking out for him. You're a good friend. And... I don't know if this means much to you now, but I'm sure that when you meet your soulmate, Gaara will be giving the same speech to them."

Naruto jolted a little, taken off-guard by that last part.

"Oh, uh, thanks," he trailed off, fighting to keep a smile off his face. It seemed wrong to have this happy bubble in his chest when Gaara was suffering in the hands of the enemy.

At the abject reminder, he sobered quickly.

Naruto looked into the fire, and he knew that he must have had an unusually solemn expression on his face.

His soulmark had been rapidly spinning, for as long as he could remember. On cold nights in his lonely apartment, he'd taken comfort in it. Because maybe it meant that his soulmate was far away, but at least they really _existed_.

As long as his soulmark stayed the same, it meant that one day, he wouldn't have to be alone.

But other times, it felt like a curse. Why would anyone _want_ to be his soulmate? Especially when he hadn't known about the Kyūbi, when he'd just thought that everyone hated him for no reason.

 _If my own village can hate me like this_ , Naruto had thought, like the angry and desperate little kid that he was, _my soulmate is bound to despise me._

Of course, he never let that stop him. He was Uzumaki Naruto, and he would never let _anything_ stop him. So he kept going, kept _fighting_ , and he had gained all of his precious people along the way. One by one, they had joined him, and made sure that his life wasn't so empty anymore.

Iruka-sensei, Sakura-chan, Kakashi-sensei, even old Lady Tsunade. And... _Sasuke_.

He had people to fight for now, people to _live_ for. And so did Gaara.

From one jinchūriki to another, Naruto was going to rescue him. He was going to prove to Gaara, once and for all, that everyone had a reason to live!


	15. fiat justitia ruat caelum

["fiat justitia ruat caelum"- _should the sky fall, let justice be done_ ]

* * *

The next day, things heated up too fast for Tadashi to even keep up with.

They'd been running through the forest —closer, closer, getting ever closer— when his soulmark had suddenly started _burning_.

He cried out in alarm, almost falling from his perch as he came to a sudden stop. Tadashi fell to his knees, head feeling like it was going to burst from the pain.

"Nara-san!" Sakura gasped in alarm, immediately going to his side. "What is it—"

She abruptly stopped, sucking in a sharp breath. Tadashi lifted his head, barely able to see through the pain swimming around his mind, but nevertheless locked his eyes on what the medic was doing.

Sakura was holding his wrist in a gentle grip, having ripped the black band away so that she could discern the cause of his pain.

"Oh, Nara-san..." she whispered, staring at him with sorrowful eyes.

For a moment, Tadashi felt like he couldn't breath— and not because of the pain. His _compass_.

His compass was fading, the golden shine withering away into a faded gray that could only mean one thing. The needle, that had been pointing towards Gaara's captured location for the few days, was _spinning, spinning, spinning._

"He's dead, then," Tadashi said numbly.

"What? No way!" Naruto lashed out, fists clenched in ire. "Don't go giving up on him already, you bastard!"

But even as Kakashi tried to shush him and Chiyo made some disparaging remark, Tadashi wasn't listening.

All he could think about was his father, and the gray compass that sat on his wrist.

"Does it ever get easier?" he'd asked one day, when he was still young and so enthralled with the possibilities of this world that he hadn't cared all that much for the people that inhabited it.

"No," his father had replied, grief in every line of his face as he rubbed his thumb over the image of the ever-spinning compass. "Never."

(|||)

Tadashi was in no condition to fight, and he knew it. But that didn't mean that he was just going to _give up_.

He may have broken his promise to Temari about bringing her baby brother back home, but he could at least return the body.

They stood in front of the huge boulder that blocked the entrance to the Akatsuki hideout, tensed and ready.

"Alright," Naruto growled, a certain edge to his voice and nails subtly sharpening into wicked claws. "Let's go."

With everyone working together, the boulder was down within seconds. When the light streamed in, Tadashi strained his eyes, trying to make out who was inside. But when it was finally light enough for them to see—

Tadashi felt like his heart stopped. _Those bastards..._

That blond jackass was _sitting_ on Gaara's body.

"Give him back!" Naruto shouted, voice echoing the fury that was racing through Tadashi's mind.

The blond replied, smirking, and seemed to have a little argument with his partner, but Tadashi wasn't listening. There was a roaring in his ears, an unbearable ache spreading up from his wrist. These people had killed his soulmate. He wasn't going to give them fucking anything, not his attention, not his anger, _nothing!_

When the blond created a large bird, using it to try and escape with Gaara's body, Tadashi let Naruto and Kakashi go after them. He knew his role here, and that was not where he would be most useful. No matter how much he yearned to see Gaara again... It didn't matter. Tadashi was a professional, he could _do_ this.

"Sakura-san, Chiyo-sama!" he barked out, heading in a different direction of the cave. "I'll leave Sasori to you!"

"Got it!" Sakura shouted back, adjusting her glove with a deadly determined expression.

Chiyo only laughed. "Try not to get in our way, boy!"

 _I don't intend to,_ Tadashi thought grimly. Against a puppet user like Sasori, he was basically useless. His speed had increased, true, but he wasn't equipped to deal with multiple targets at once— not even mentioning the hundreds of puppets that Sasori was famous for. Most likely, he'd just get himself poisoned and end up a complete burden.

He had a better plan.

Blocking out the sounds of fighting behind him, Tadashi carefully scanned the cavern wall, searching for the exit. It was impossible for the boulder to be the only way out— well, not _impossible_ , but completely impractical. There had to be another way.

"Tch," Tadashi grunted, shoulders tightening in frustration. There wasn't enough lighting back here, he couldn't _see_ anything. Well... there was something he could do.

He crouched, closing his eyes and getting into position.

"Kageshibari no Jutsu," he murmured softly, making sure not to draw any attention towards himself. His shadow pooled around his feet, and then stretched out.

It felt along the bottom of the cavern wall, slipping into any crevices and searching intently. Normally with passages like this, he'd be able to hear the wind flowing through and find it that way. But with the battle raging behind him and the explosions outside, he'd never be able to do such a delicate operation. This was the next best thing. He preferred not using jutsu when he didn't have to, as it did take away a decent portion of his energy, but he was willing to sacrifice this.

 _There!_

Tadashi's eyes snapped open, and he lurched forwards. His fingers found the crack in the rocks, the indent shaped almost like a handle, and he pulled.

With great effort, the door swung open, revealing the musty smell of a room left darkened too long. Tadashi cautiously crept inside, careful of any traps that might activate.

Hm. Nothing so far.

And indeed, there was nothing. A few offshoot rooms that he quickly rummaged through, but there wasn't any information. There was barely anything of use at all, merely a few personal effects, some spare shuriken thrown here and there. It seemed that this base was only used as a quick meeting space, with some rooms just in case one of the members had to stay there for the night. He had managed to find the other exit, but he didn't dare follow the path just yet. He could still hear the dull noise of explosions above him, and didn't fancy getting a bomb dropped on his head the second he tried to leave.

After the fifth room, Tadashi's frustration had reached peak levels. Letting out a snarl, he brutally kicked one of the wardrobes, causing it to rattle ominously. He was about to storm out of the room in a rage when he heard an odd clunking sound.

"What the hell?"

He went back over, and kicked the side of the wardrobe again. There it was! That strange sound. Tadashi walked in a slow circle around it, eyes training to try and see anything strange in the woodworks. He couldn't see anything, but...

Tadashi knew from his work as an information specialist and saboteur— not being able to see it didn't mean anything. He tilted his head to the side, thinking intently.

Could it be...?

Drawing on his years of cheesy spy movies, he got down on his knees, sticking his hand underneath the wardrobe to knock on the bottom of it.

There— _yes!_ Someone had carved out a panel of the wardrobe. Praying that this wouldn't be booby-trapped, he stuck his hand inside. His fist wrapped around a series of parchments, and Tadashi had to suppress his excitement at what he had discovered.

He quickly pulled the scrolls out, unfurling the first one.

Uchiha Itachi: Missing-Nin, rank S

-Origin: Konohagakure

-Basic Background: Born the son of the clan head, Itachi graduated from the academy at the age of...

Tadashi's eyes widened. This was profiles of every member in the Akatsuki! Names, backgrounds, abilities... Everything! This was monumental, this could change _everything_ —

"What's _this_ , a little deer?"

Tadashi froze, mind going blank. A gloved hand was resting gently on the back of his neck.

"You shouldn't be snooping around where you don't belong, _little Nara,_ " the man whispered, giving a warning squeeze. Tadashi remained still, some lizard part of his brain screaming at him to _not move never move if you stay still he won't see you!_

The killing intent in the air was stifling, pressing down on Tadashi and throwing him back into that night from so long ago, when the Kyūbi's roar had echoed through the village.

He reached past Tadashi's shoulder, gently pulling the scrolls out of his numb hands. Tadashi felt the man condescendingly pat his head, as if rewarding him for a good job.

"I'll just be taking this. Don't want to give up the game so early, do we?" There was a flash of orange at the edge of his vision, the cold hardness of a mask resting lightly against his cheek.

In the next second, the pressure in the room abruptly abated. Tadashi gasped, sucking in a huge breath as he trembled.

Then he pounded his fist on the floor, letting out a cry of frustration.

" _God damnit!_ "

Why was he so _useless?!_ He hadn't even heard the man enter the room! Tadashi's specialty was sneaking around, and he'd been caught so off-guard by this guy that he hadn't even been able to breathe!

Tadashi stood up, staggering out of the room. His legs felt like they could barely hold up his weight, like he could fall apart at any second. He only paused for a moment by the exit to make sure that the explosions had stopped, and then trudged forward.

Sunlight streamed in after he pulled open the door, following the flare of Naruto's chakra signature. When he finally wandered into the clearing, his grief rose like a tidal wave.

There was a huge group of Suna-nin crowding around, hovering anxiously as Chiyo kneeled over Gaara's body.

Tadashi made his way through them, the exhaustion and sadness visible on his face causing them to part the way for him without a word. He passed by Temari and Kankurō and kept his gaze on the forest floor, unable to look up at them and see the heartbreak in their eyes.

He kneeled by Gaara's side, brushing shoulders with Naruto, who was nearly sobbing.

"I'm sorry," Naruto said, voice so choked up that it was painful to hear. " _I'm so sorry_."

"So am I," Tadashi said numbly, his tongue feeling too large and unruly in his mouth. His eyes clouded up with tears, and he clenched his fists until he knew that he was cutting red marks into his palms.

"Don't go giving up just yet, boy," Chiyo interrupted, rolling up her sleeves to put her hands on Gaara's motionless chest. "This old bag has a bit of energy left in her, yet."

"Lady Chiyo, that technique—" one of the other suna-nin tried to interrupt, stepping forwards with a concerned expression.

"Quiet!" she barked. "I need to concentrate!"

Tadashi watched, breathless, as the elder's hands glowed a pale green. It was a tense couple of minutes as Chiyo began to sweat laboriously, and _then_ —

Then Gaara's eyes fluttered open.

Chiyo nearly collapsed, and she was quickly pulled back by someone. The Suna-nin took Chiyo's body away, carefully reverent, but Tadashi wasn't watching them. His eyes were locked on his soulmark, which was now brilliantly shining. The light faded, at last, to reveal a golden compass, the needle pointed firmly at the man in front of him.

"Thank god," he whispered hoarsely, leaning over to rest his forehead against Gaara's hand that he held captured in his grip. " _Oh, thank god._ "

And with Gaara, blinking in confusion but most undoubtedly _alive_ , Tadashi finally allowed himself to break down and cry.


	16. si vis amari ama

["si vis amari ama"- _if you want to be loved, love_ ]

* * *

When Tadashi awoke, it was to the sensation of dry desert air. He licked his cracked lips, wondering vaguely how Gaara could stand to live in this environment. At that thought, his eyes snapped open.

Oh, _shit_ — Gaara!

He jolted out of his slumber, suddenly remembering what had happened. Instantly, he ripped the band off of his wrist, even though he was unsure of whether he really wanted to see it. But a second later, when he saw the state of his compass, Tadashi felt like he could cry of joy.

His shoulders shook and he bent over, pressing his wrist against his forehead as he tried to hold back his tears. _The compass was gold_. God, he'd thought that he would never see that again.

He'd thought that he would never get to see Gaara again, never apologize to him, never get a chance to _explain_ himself—

But now, _now_ he had a chance. Tadashi had made a lot of shitty decisions in his life— in _both_ lives, but he refused to make the same mistake twice. This time, he wasn't going to hang back out of fear. He would tell Gaara exactly what he felt— that he wasn't _sure_ what he felt, but that he wanted to try.

No more regrets. It didn't matter that they lived in separate villages, that Gaara was so much more powerful and respected than him, that Gaara had a past that Tadashi couldn't possibly understand, that Tadashi had things he would never be able to tell Gaara about—

Tadashi had almost lost his soulmate. For a short while, he actually had. And even more than his own death, his own helplessness in that situation had fucking _terrified_ him. No more regrets.

He rolled over, laying on his stomach. The scar there, carved deep into the muscle, twinged painfully, but he didn't let it bother him. Tomorrow. Tomorrow he would go to the hospital and tell Gaara everything.

Anything that happened after that would be entirely up to him. Whatever the outcome, Tadashi would be satisfied as long as he got to say his piece.

(|||)

Gaara looked out the window of his hospital room, studying the village strewn out below him. People scurried back and forth like ants, going about their busy lives.

Gaara was not like Naruto. He couldn't say that he loved this village— that he even tolerated it, on a bad day. He didn't have Naruto's optimism. He knew that the only reason they had allowed him to become Kazekage was because they were afraid of him.

No matter how much his siblings tried to reassure him, he knew that it was true. But it was also true that Gaara had been working extremely hard since then, trying to prove to the villagers that he was no longer the same. That he wasn't that obsessive, angry little boy anymore.

(Even though, deep down, he knew that wasn't true. Jealous and homicidal tendencies didn't just disappear overnight, no matter how much he wanted them to.)

But… Everyone had come for him. Not even knowing if he was dead or alive, they had gone after him. The villagers that had once scorned him as a demon… they had all abandoned their posts, willing to challenge the Akatsuki just for a chance to rescue him.

Gaara would never forget the way he'd fleet that afternoon, waking up to see all of his shinobi watching over him with tearful expressions.

And, of course… _Tadashi_. Tadashi had shed tears for him.

For _him_ , the demon that his people had feared for so long. He didn't want to ever make Tadashi do that again.

"Hey, uh… You awake?"

Gaara blinked, shifting in the bed so that he could see the doorway. Speak of the devil…

"Tadashi." He dipped his head, smiling faintly in greeting.

The Nara gave him a bit of a wry grin, coming over to sit in the chair beside his bed. "How are you feeling?"

"I feel fine, really. There isn't much of a point in keeping me here, but Temari insisted."

"I bet," Tadashi chuckled, and Gaara let out a small huff of laughter as well, picturing his stubborn-minded sibling's reactions to their little gossip.

But after the moment of levity had passed, the two were left in a bit of an awkward silence. It seemed to be their staple.

"I just wanted to say—"

"Have you recovered from your—"

Gaara broke off, blinking in surprise as Tadashi did the same. The Konoha jōnin then leaned back in his chair, looking up at the ceiling. Gaara knew that was his way of trying to gather his thoughts, especially when Tadashi was trying to say something important, so he stayed silent and allowed him to speak.

"I just wanted to say," Tadashi began again, slowly, as if he was carefully weighing his words, "that I'm very happy to see you in better spirits."

He then paused, frowning to himself. Tadashi opened his mouth to speak, and then shut it, an expression of deep frustration etched onto his face.

It was true, what he'd said in one of his early letters— Tadashi wasn't the best when it came to speaking about the more emotionally heavy parts of life. Gaara was no better, but that was why he worked so hard to show his intentions through his actions. That didn't really work for Tadashi.

Tadashi was similar to Gaara, in many ways. But where Gaara attempted to look at the problem from another angle, tried to see a different way to solve his issues when the first attempt didn't work, Tadashi was the type to internalize that failure and see it as a reflection of his character. Instead of doing a new method of handling the problem, he used the same one again and again, so sure that the difficulties he was having were all a result of his own inadequacies in the area.

Basically, to make things simple— Tadashi took everything far too personally. Despite what outward appearances might suggest, he was often stressed and anxious, always trying to make himself _better_ , always biting off more than he could chew.

Some of the mission details that Tadashi had been able to tell him over the years had nearly been enough to drive Gaara to an aneurysm. Seriously, it was only Konoha shinobi that got into so much trouble, even on routine border patrols.

And that was why he was struggling so much right now, trying to get his thoughts out in the open. Tadashi was attempting something _new_ — he had realized that his old methods weren't working, and had taken steps to correct it.

Though it may have seemed like a small or simple thing to someone else, Gaara was warmed by the knowledge that Tadashi would deliberately put himself in an uncomfortable situation, all for _him_.

(He was selfish, so, so selfish. Even if it meant that Tadashi was uncomfortable, even if it meant that he cried, Gaara never wanted his soulmate to look away from him. Not again.)

"That's not it," Tadashi said, running a hand through his hair in aggravation. Upon seeing Gaara's gently questioning look, he hastened to explain. "I mean, I am happy, of course, I just—"

He stopped, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. Gaara waited patiently, understanding how difficult this was for him. And besides, Gaara had nowhere else to be right now, no other responsibilities he should be upholding. Taking a moment to put his soulmate at ease was most certainly the best use of his time.

"That's not what I meant to say," Tadashi finally spoke, and the expression of grim determination on his face was unmistakable. "Or, at least not all of it. Gaara?"

"Yes?" He fixed his eyes on Tadashi, making sure he knew that he held his full attention. When Tadashi reached for his hand, Gaara surrendered it without protest.

"You're my soulmate," Tadashi said seriously, looking at him head-on, in a contrast to his usual avoidant behavior. "I… I don't know quite what that means. I don't what we're supposed to be. But I do know that when my compass went dark, when I thought you were dead— Well. In that moment, I felt more regret than I ever have before. So I just want to make this clear: You are so, _incredibly_ important to me. I don't know the right word for it, a way to describe the feeling of loving something in such a clumsy and awkward way… But I want to have the chance to find out."

Gaara squeezed his hand. He knew that his face was probably looking very ridiculous and embarrassing right now, but he couldn't bring himself to mind it. He was so proud of Tadashi for being able to finally elucidate himself like this— and even more, he was so glad that Tadashi felt this way for him, _cared_ for him this much.

Even though he thought himself to be a fairly good judge of character, and even though he knew how to read Tadashi much better than the average person, doubts still slithered into his mind. Sometimes, he had wondered if Tadashi wouldn't truly be happier with someone else as his soulmate— someone _simpler_.

But now he knew. And Gaara wouldn't let him go again— not out of fear, or guilt of the ugliness that lived in the back of his mind. If anyone could understand that, it would be Tadashi.

"Thank you, Tadashi." Though his voice was quiet, it was sincere. And Gaara knew, by the lovely smile that grew on his soulmate's face, that Tadashi understood the intention behind his words.

Yes. A clumsy and awkward love. Perhaps that was what soulmate meant to them.


	17. gesta non verba

["gesta non verba"- _deeds, not words_ ]

* * *

"So, you've gotten things worked out then?" Hinata asked quietly, smiling to herself at the content expression on her mission partner's face. It was nice to see him looking so happy.

"More or less," Tadashi nodded, never losing his grin. "We had a nice talk, and Hokage-sama even gave me leave to visit him if one of my missions ended up in his area."

Hinata blinked, a bit surprised at that. "Tsunade-sama really allowed that? She must be feeling very generous lately."

"I think she might have been drunk," Tadashi admitted, and in turn confessing to having taken shameless advantage of it.

Hinata giggled, reaching up to tuck a piece of hair behind her ear. They'd just finished their latest training session, and her braid was coming undone again— she'd have to fix it before they went on their mission. Luckily, this one wasn't supposed to be too serious. It wasn't even sabotage, really. They were just going to be playing courier as a favor to Asuma-san. The only reason that she was even coming along was to give Tadashi another pair of eyes— it was better to be on the safe side, especially with so many reports of the Akatsuki hanging around.

Hinata didn't mind— she liked Tadashi. A lot. And not only because of how he'd helped her out in one of her darker moments, but because of _who he was_. Tadashi was snarky and depressive and sometimes so heartbreakingly earnest that she just wanted to make sure that nothing could ever hurt him. His opinion of himself was tragically low. He kept himself away from other people because he was _afraid_.

Hinata knew what that was like. She supposed that was a big part of how they got along so well.

"Well, we've got about two hours until we should get going," Tadashi mused, squinting as he quickly checked the position of the sun. "Wanna grab something to eat, then split to pack our bags and take a quick shower?"

"Sounds perfect," Hinata smiled gratefully, shaking out her braid in one smooth, practiced motion. Her stomach had been growling before they even started training, so she was definitely up for that plan.

"How about we hit the dango shop on main?" he suggested, falling into place by her side as they began to walk out of the training grounds. "That's on the way to the Hyūga compound, right?"

"O-oh, you don't have to go to that kind of trouble!" Hinata said frantically, cursing the traitorous blush that was starting to rise on her cheeks.

"Nonsense," Tadashi said firmly, shutting down her protests before she could really get going. "It's not a trouble. Besides, you like dango, don't you?"

"Ah, yes. I do," she let it go, knowing that there was no way he was going to change his mind now. "Thank you very much for your consideration—"

"Hey now, none of that." Tadashi rolled his eyes, giving a little scoff when she turned to him in confusion. "You know, that thing you do."

"That thing?" Hinata echoed, hiding a grin at the face Tadashi pulled in reply.

"Yeah, that _thing_. The one where you get all super formal because you don't know how you're supposed to say anymore. Jeez, just accept that I wanna do something nice for you, okay? And don't go thinking that I'm a saint or anything, either. I like dango too."

"If you insist." Hinata thought that her cheeks would be aching from all of this smiling. It seemed like Tadashi was able to make her happy in a way that no one else could. "But still, I'll have to owe you one for this."

"Well, I suppose you could pay for us," Tadashi said slyly, giving her a teasing grin. "Since you're the one with all of that sweet, sweet heiress money."

Hinata took a swipe at him, before falling into laughter when he exaggeratedly dodged her assault. She knew that she was blushing again, but for once she paid it no mind. Hinata refused to allow her embarrassment to overcome her. She had more important things to be thinking about.

(|||)

"Almost there," Tadashi wheezed, practically bent over with the force of his exhaustion. Hinata, fresh as a daisy beside him, merely laughed.

"Just a few more steps, Tadashi-san!" she encouraged, after getting her giggles under control. "We've made great time! We'll be able to rest as soon as we get to the top."

Tadashi groaned at the thought of _even more stairs_. Something like this was easy for Hinata to shake off, but endurance had never been his strong point. And even then, he had never trained with the thought of having to climb a literal _mountain_ of stairs in his future! Shit, that was more like that weird step-workout that he'd witnessed in his previous life. He'd never seen the appeal of it before, but now he was starting to appreciate the benefits.

"That damn Asuma-san…" he muttered, forcing himself to follow after Hinata up the stone steps. "Using my connection with Shikamaru as a way to cajole me into being his messenger boy… _No more favors_. No matter _how_ convincing he is. Or how much Shikamaru frowns at me."

"Oh—!"

Tadashi jolted back into the present, jumping the last few steps and pulling out a kunai.

"What, what is it?" he barked. A second later, he saw why Hinata had gasped.

The whole front courtyard of the temple was _completely destroyed_. There was huge gouges cut out of the ornate stone, like someone had dragged a sword through them. There was also puddles of blood, here and there, and Tadashi's heart sank as he realized the probable cause.

The monks of Fire Temple were renowned for their fighting techniques— for there to be this much damage, they must have been facing an unbelievably strong opponent.

Hinata and Tadashi shared a quick glance, and then nodded in unison. The monks here were allies of Konoha— it was only right that they did what they could to help.

"Halt!" a voice shouted as they approached. "Who goes there?"

"Nara Tadashi and Hyūga Hinata!" he called back, trying to seem as compliant and unthreatening as possible. "Jōnin of Konohagakure. We came to bring a message on the behalf of Asuma-san, but we are also willing to provide assistance should you need it!"

There was a long silence, but the temple doors creaked open.

"Please accept our apologies for the rough welcome." The Monk welcomed them inside wearily, bowing slightly before ushering them forwards. "As you can see, this hasn't been one of our better days."

"What the _hell_ —" Tadashi cut himself off, suddenly remembering that he was in a sacred temple. He had to get a hold of himself. No matter how shocking the event, this situation needed him to be a professional shinobi, not a scared little kid. "What happened here, may I ask? This isn't the kind of damage typical to a sparring accident."

"This was no accident," the Monk growled, and Tadashi was taken aback by his expression. That was a face of pure hatred. "This was the Akatsuki."

Hinata sucked in a sharp breath, and Tadashi shivered. He could still feel that gloved hand, gripping the back of his neck in an almost chiding manner.

"Why would they attack the temple? Their goal is the jinchūriki, not—"

"That may be their overarching goal, but their individual members are not so simple," the man said bitterly.

Looking at all of the wreckage around them, Tadashi could easily see the reason for his anger. The front courtyard seemed to have taken the brunt of the damage, but the rest of the temple was not excluded from the carnage. And judging by the way that they had only come across a couple of monks on their journey…

Tadashi grimly wondered how many of them had died in their quest to protect their home. It would probably be insensitive to ask. He'd find out later, for the full report. For now…

"May we speak to the head Monk?" Hinata said quietly, eyes downcast with deference to their guide.

He stiffened, and Tadashi immediately caught onto what had happened.

"I'm afraid that's no longer an option." He swallowed brokenly, and Hinata looked stricken. "That's why those Akatsuki members attacked us in the first place. Not because of our temple, not even because of our infamous fighting style! It's because they wanted Chiriku-sama's _bounty_."

 _Fuck_. That was the man Asuma-san wanted them to meet, too. His old friend from when he was part of the Twelve Guardian Ninja. This was some shitty luck, for sure.

They rounded the corner, ending up in the infirmary. There were many people running around, trying their best to treat their injured comrades.

"I'll go fetch Bansai-san," their guide said, bowing slightly as a way to signal his intentions. "He'll be able to tell you all the information that we gathered about the two that attacked us. We know that Konoha won't be able to hunt them down, but it will at least keep you from being caught off guard."

"Any information would be helpful," Tadashi said, bitterly reminiscing about his own failed attempt to gather intel. "Thank you very much for your aid, especially when you're in such a time of need."

"It's what we do," he said, and the tiredness in his smile was achingly familiar to Tadashi.

Then, the two jōnin were left on their own.

"We cannot let this go unopposed," Hinata said, fists clenched as she stared hard at the broken and bleeding bodies before them.

"We won't." Tadashi's face was blank in a way that some might have seen as uncaring, but on the inside he was burning. Hinata was right. To hang back now, stay silent when one of their oldest allies was targeted in such a brutal way, would be nothing more than complete cowardice.

And though he loathed to admit it, honor wasn't the really the leading factor in his vehemence. He respected the Monks of the Fire Temple, but he _loved_ the people of his village. It wouldn't be long until Konohagakure was targeted.

They need to take out as many member of the Akatsuki as they could— and _now_. Before it was too late. Before someone went and got themselves killed.


	18. hodie mihi, cras tibi

["hodie mihi, cras tibi"- _today it's me, tomorrow it will be you_ ]

* * *

The next few days were dizzy with activity, Tadashi constantly rushing back and forth from the Temple to the village. Somehow, by being the one to report it in, he'd gotten stuck with being the primary messenger. Honestly, it wasn't that big of a deal. Even if it hadn't been assigned to him, he probably would have requested the mission anyway.

He knew that he didn't really owe the monks anything, but he still felt some responsibility. It was his duty to help, wasn't it?

 _The sense of misplaced guilt is strong in this one._

Tadashi shook his head, trying to shove his outdated pop culture references aside. It's not like anyone here understood them in the first place. He shoved his pillow over his head, determined to get back to sleep. This was the first day off he'd had in what felt like months, he was planning on taking advantage of it.

Of course, that plan was shot to hell two minutes later when he heard a light tapping on his bedroom window. Tadashi groaned, wondering if he could get away with ignoring it. But no, he would never _really_ do that. If it was a mission summons, he could get into serious trouble.

He slowly sat up, rolling his shoulders to try and relieve the tension that always gathered there. Tadashi opened the small window, shivering a bit when the cool morning air hit his bare skin.

To his great relief, it wasn't a summoning. It was a letter from Gaara.

Against his will, Tadashi's expression softened, anger draining away without a second thought. He held out his arm, allowing the hawk to latch on. The bird did so, allowing him to take the letter without protest.

Tadashi unfurled the scroll, leaning over a bit so that he could use the morning sunlight streaming in to help him see.

 _Tadashi,_

 _I was saddened to hear of the tragedy that has befallen the Fire Temple. Their monks have given my shinobi shelter many times, and never asked for anything in return. I've discussed sending some relief aids with my council. The mission uptake has increased dramatically over the past few years, so that shouldn't be nearly as much of a hardship as it would have been before. The council members are being vague and indecisive (as usual), but Temari wants this to go through, and I have no doubt in her persuasion skills. Thank you for alerting me of the situation._

 _I know that you're still likely to be very busy, so I'll cut this off here. And though I would like nothing more than to end this on a happy note, I must ask a request of you instead._

 _Please, be careful. The Akatsuki are ruthless. Though they may not be targeting you specifically —as we have seen with the monks— that won't stop them from going after you if you get in their way. And as long as you remain a shinobi of Konohagakure, you will inevitably get in their way._

 _I won't ask you to be safe, or to stay out of trouble. That's quite against your nature, after all. But please… be careful. I caused you great pain, when I died. And though it may be selfish of me, I don't ever want to have to experience that kind of pain._

 _—Yours, Gaara_

Tadashi let out a shaky breath. So, Gaara could feel it too. That shift in the air, the distant sense of something on the horizon… Something was coming. And whatever it was, it was going to be _big_.

(|||)

Ensui looked up from where he was fiddling with the kitchen stove, letting out a soft huff of amusement at the way Tadashi stumbled into the room.

He was shirtless, and blinking blearily in the face of the morning sun, but at least he was actually up before noon. That was more than Ensui had been expecting, really.

"Hm? What's that?" he asked, curiosity peaked by the scroll his son was holding in a death grip. "Something happen?"

"Nah," Tadashi shrugged, slumping over the kitchen table with a sigh. "It's just a letter from Gaara, don't worry."

 _That's exactly the kind of thing I'm worried about_ , Ensui thought wryly, though he kept that to himself. Silently, he turned back to making breakfast, even though his heart wasn't really in it.

So, it wasn't that he exactly disapproved of Gaara. Despite the… _issues_ the boy'd had in the past, he was clearly working very hard to move past that. Self-growth was a huge and vitally necessary part of life, and he always approved of that.

Just… did it have to be _his_ son?

His _son_ , who was the most important thing in the world to him, the son he had never expected but always, _always_ loved. His son, who was quiet and competent and often times too critical for his own good. His son, who in many ways was still that same kid from so many years ago, lonely and curious and always yearning for something _more_.

Ensui loved his son, loved him so much that it _ached_ to see him so unsure of himself. And that was what Gaara did. Sure, it wasn't on purpose. If Tadashi's descriptions of his character were to be trusted, then Gaara would likely be quite distraught to realize this. But it was true. No matter how much progress they might have made, Tadashi still looked at Gaara and automatically thought "I don't deserve him".

So maybe Ensui didn't disapprove of Gaara. But until he showed himself to be worthy of _the only goddamned thing Ensui had left on this planet_ , then he sure as hell didn't _approve_ either.

"Dad, is something wrong?" Tadashi was eyeing him very suspiciously, likely picking up on the small traces of killing intent that he had unconsciously been releasing.

"Of course not." Ensui moved quickly to reassure, a bit embarrassed at the over dramatic ways that his stream of thought had taken. Desperately, he searched for a change of subject. "Oh, hey! Before I forget, Shikaku invited us over for dinner tonight. Just a little clan thing, you know how it is."

Tadashi thought for a moment, tracing a nonsensical pattern onto the wooden table.

"That could be fun," he announced finally. "It will be good to catch up with those guys, it feels like it's been forever."

Ensui smirked, attempting to tamp down on the smugness he was feeling at being able drag his son out of his shell just the tiniest bit more.

Yes. Some time with family was the exact thing that they needed.

(|||)

"Tadashi!" Kasuga shouted cheerfully, lifting him off his feet into a big hug. "How have you been? Keeping busy?"

"I'm just fine," Tadashi said, smiling crookedly as he patted his cousin on the shoulder after being let down. He wasn't quite sure how they were actually related, but family was family. "Busy, but I'm not being run ragged."

"Good to hear it." When Kasuga smiled, his eyes crinkled a bit. Tadashi had noticed that it was a trait that his own father shared.

 _Family_... He thought almost wondrously, warmed by the happy feelings curled up inside of him. _Family is a wonderful thing._

After that, it was a whirlwind of activity. One great thing about being a Nara, Tadashi was glad to report, was that people rarely required explanations for their actions. Everyone already understood, even without saying a word. So, even though this was a "family dinner", most people were just popping in, grabbing some food and saying hello before leaving. There was no stress, no need to present their best face or obey all of those tedious social niceties. Made things a lot more enjoyable, in his opinion.

Tadashi had been having a very pleasant night, all things considered. But that was all drawn to a screeching halt when Shikamaru arrived.

It happened right after Tadashi had finished eating, and he was gently heckling Chika over the crush she had on one of her coworkers. He'd heard the front door sliding open, but he'd paid it no mind at first. It was only when all of the other voices in the front part of the house suddenly hushed that he began to take notice.

Shikamaru stalked through the house, a terrifyingly blank expression on his face. Ino and Choji were only a step behind him, hovering anxiously on his heels, but that wasn't what drew Tadashi's attention.

It was the fact that Shikamaru's chūnin vest was covered in dry, flaking blood.

Almost unanimously, the other clan members cleared out, leaving Tadashi to stand there, unsure of his place. He ached to go see his little cousin, but he was unsure of his welcome.

A hand on his shoulder made him blink in surprise, turning slightly to see Shikaku looking grim.

"Uncle...?"

"Go to him," Shikaku said quietly, nodding in the direction of Shikamaru's room.

Tadashi immediately protested. "I'm not sure if that's a good idea right now—"

"Go," Shikaku ordered, giving him a slight push. "Whatever's happened, he needs you. Yoshino and I can help him with the aftermath. We can help him make plans, figure out what went wrong. But we can't comfort him like you."

Tadashi bit his lip, concern warring with his own trepidation. He'd never seen Shikamaru in a real temper before, and he wasn't quite keen on it happening.

"I'll try my best."

Shikaku gave him an appreciative nod, before going to speak quietly to a worried Yoshino.

Tadashi took a deep breath, and then let it go. Shikamaru needed him. He had to try.

Ino and Choji were outside of Shikamaru's door, futilely trying to speak with him.

"C'mon, _please_ Shika—" Ino said desperately. Her voice was choked up, and she had dried tear tracks on her face.

Tadashi went up to Choji, steeling himself.

"What happened?" he whispered, eyeing Choji's exhausted form with concern.

"Asuma-sensei..." Choji swallowed thickly, eyes blinking rapidly. "Asuma-sensei is dead."

Tadashi reared back, as if struck. _How...?_

"It was the Akatsuki," Choji continued, the words spilling out of him as if he just couldn't hold them back any longer. In the background, Ino began crying. Her hands, Tadashi noticed belatedly, were dyed an awful shade of crimson. "One of them, he— he was immortal, or just wouldn't die no matter what anyone tried— and, _and!_ We were too late, god, _we were too late._ "

He broke down into tears, sobbing into his hands. His great shoulders were wracked with sobs, and Tadashi suddenly had his arms full of despondent teenagers.

He let Ino and Choji embrace him for several minutes, knowing that they needed this more than he could ever explain. When their tears began to die down, he gently pulled away.

"Go home," Tadashi said firmly. They instantly tried to protest, but he shook his head. "I mean it. We can take care of Shikamaru. I'm guessing that all the reports are already done. So just go home. Go to your families, let them know that you're safe. Tomorrow, we can face the future, but for now... Let yourself mourn. Take comfort in the love of those around you. Get yourselves cleaned up, and let us worry about what's going to happen."

Wearily, the two agreed, though they insisted that they would be back to check on Shikamaru tomorrow.

 _You have good friends, little cousin,_ Tadashi thought as he watched them go. It was a bit sad, though. He never wanted Shikamaru to have to face a situation like this.

But death waited for no one, and didn't care for the ones left behind. Tadashi knew that better than most.

His hand hovered over the door handle, unsure if he really wanted to intrude. But at last, he pushed aside his fears and opened the door.

Shikamaru was laying on his bed facing the wall, in complete darkness. Tadashi could tell that he wasn't asleep, however. He had stripped off his bloody chūnin vest, dumping it on the floor without care. Tadashi carefully stepped over it as he approached his cousin.

"I heard about what happened," he said, hesitatingly sitting on the bed by Shikamaru's side. "I'm sorry, Shika. Sorry... about a lot of things. But mainly, that you had to see that happen."

Shikamaru didn't respond.

"It sucks. Losing someone you care about... I would argue that there's no worse feeling in the world."

Now, that got a reaction. Shikamaru sat up, revealing his blotchy red eyes as tears ran down his cheeks.

"And how the hell would _you_ know?" he spat out, the words positively venomous. "You've never lost anyone. Your soulmate _came back to life,_ for fuck's sake, and Kabuto never even cared about you in the first place!"

Tadashi closed his eyes for a brief moment, and then calmly opened them. Shikamaru was just lashing out, saying things that he knew would hurt— Tadashi couldn't let it get to him.

But, still... _How the hell would you know?_ Yes, how _would_ he know what it was like to lose someone. To lose people over and over and _over_ again because he was never strong enough, never fast enough, just never _enough_. Tadashi had lived an entire lifetime of losing people. But Shikamaru didn't know that.

"I'm not saying that I understand your pain," he said, ignoring the vicious glare Shikamaru was giving him. "No one can understand the depths of your pain. Everyone hurts in different ways. It's impossible to put a measuring system on human suffering. But I know _you_ , Shikamaru. And you're really hurting right now. I just want to give you what you need, Shika. That's all."

It was a long and tense moment, but eventually Shikamaru's expression crumpled. He wrapped his arms around Tadashi's waist, curling around his older cousin.

"Fuck... I hate this."

"I know," Tadashi said, gently stroking his hair. In the back of his mind, he could almost hear it— the sound of a child crying for someone who was never going to come home. "I know."

(|||)

Come the next morning... Well, Shikamaru was still upset.

Tadashi had stayed the night, at his request, but some part of him felt guilty. There was really very little that he could do here. He couldn't bring Asuma back, and that was the only real way to destroy the sadness now festering in his cousin's heart.

Shikamaru hadn't apologized for his cruel words of the night before, but Tadashi didn't expect him to. Nor did he want it. If he received an apology now, it would be weak and meaningless. Tadashi was content with just dealing with the current situation— he could easily forgive thoughtless words said by a grieving teenager.

Together, the two of them sat on Shikamaru's bed, staring out the window. They hadn't slept, and even though Tadashi could feel exhaustion tugging on his conscious, he refused to allow himself to rest. Not now, when Shikamaru really needed him. Tadashi could give him this, at least.

"What am I supposed to do now?" Shikamaru murmured, knees pulled to his chest as he laid his head on Tadashi's shoulder. "How can I _fix_ this?"

 _You can't_ , Tadashi thought, but he could never say that out loud. That wasn't what Shikamaru needed to hear, even if it was the truth.

"What will help?" he asked instead, nudging the younger Nara lightly. "What is your real goal here?"

Shikamaru bit his lip, and the misery lining his face almost made Tadashi cringe. He wasn't skilled at dealing with this type of heavy emotion— he had no idea how to fix this either.

Then, Shikamaru clenched his fists, jumping off the bed with startling speed. When he turned to look at Tadashi, his eyes were blazing with emotion.

"I'm going to kill them," Shikamaru declared, and the confidence in his voice showed that he meant every word. "Those two Akatsuki guys. They killed my Sensei, and Kurenai-san's soulmate. It's only fair that I return the favor— _twofold_."

Tadashi smirked. Now, _that_ was the kind of emotion that he wanted to see.

"Alright then. Let's get planning, cousin."


	19. ubi solitudinem faciunt pacem appellant

["ubi solitudinem faciunt pacem appellant"- _they make a desert and call it peace_ ]

* * *

 _Gaara,_

 _It feels like everything is happening so quickly. We took out several members of the Akatsuki, but I'm afraid of what the retaliation will be. And ever since Asuma-san died, Shikamaru hasn't been the same._

 _It's not like I expect him to be, or anything. I just worry. Everyone is really stressed out, and it feels like it's all going to come to an end soon. I just really hope that it won't be as bad as I suspect._

 _Thanks for listening to my paranoid rambles. It means a lot to me._

 _—wish me luck, Tadashi_

(|||)

"I'm heading out!" Tadashi called, waving to his father as he stepped out the front door.

"Stay safe!" Ensui replied, voice muffled as Tadashi shut the door behind him.

Sticking his hands in his pockets, he began making his way out of the compound. So, usually he would stay in and chill on his days off, or go do some training, but Hana had been nagging him to go to lunch with her and Anko for weeks.

Grudgingly, he had finally been forced to accept. There was only so many creative excuses that he could pull out of his ass, after all.

Okay, so it wasn't like he hated spending time with those two— of course not! Hana was his best friend, honestly, and Anko wasn't half bad. Tadashi just liked to keep his free time to himself.

So here he was, off to lunch. He debated just making a break for it, but if he tried to skip out at this point, Hana might actually murder him.

When he passed by Shikamaru's house, Tadashi paused briefly. He wavered, wondering if he should stop in and say hello. But after a moment of thinking, he knew that it wouldn't be a good idea.

Shikamaru had been... _distant_ , since Asuma's death. Tadashi didn't blame him, of course. Even the death of the two Akatsuki members responsible hadn't been able to lift his mood. If anything, it had made him more grim than before.

Tadashi didn't really understand it. Getting that revenge was a good thing, right? But, he supposed that nothing would be able to make Shikamaru go back to who he had been before— not unless somebody learned how to turn back time.

He didn't want that, though. He wanted Shikamaru to be authentic, to be his true self. And Shikamaru's true self just needed a little space right now, so Tadashi was giving it to him.

Tadashi made his way through the gates of the compound, huffing at his foolish thoughts. Jeez, he'd really started getting sentimental. Was this the beginning of old age?

Shaking his head, he picked up the pace. If he was late, Hana would never let him hear the end of it, and Anko would only cheer her on.

Within minutes he had arrived at their meeting place— Hana's favorite barbecue restaurant, of course. Like she ever let them go anywhere else. He spotted the two of them sitting in the corner, and he quickly moved to join them.

"Look who finally decided to show up," Anko said teasingly, smirking at him as he took the seat across from the couple.

"Took you long enough!" Hana chimed in, reaching over to punch him in the shoulder. "What, you get lost on the way?"

"Only lost in thought," Tadashi smiled, shrugging casually. He forgot, sometimes, in the rush of life and missions and everything else, just how much he liked other people. Hana was an exceptional one, of course, but the others weren't so bad either.

His biggest obstacle to spending time with people, honestly, was a low-level anxiety that told him that he would have an awful time, his friends were going to end up hating him, and the entire village would scorn him forever. It was ridiculous, of course.

Full-scale disasters occurred very rarely, after all.

"That just means that he was napping," Hana confided in her soulmate, the two of them having a good laugh at his expense.

"Oi, give me some credit," he complained, snapping himself out of his thoughts. "I do other things besides napping, you know."

"I'm not sure, I've never witnessed such a thing," Anko said skeptically. She stroked her chin in an exaggerated manner, as if combing through an imaginary beard.

Tadashi rolled his eyes. "I get no respect around here."

"Well, you have to earn it!" Hana grinned, sticking her tongue out at his sour look.

Tadashi frowned good-naturedly, grumbling under his breath as the two women laughed at him. It was mostly for show, however, and they were well-aware.

Anko opened her mouth, another teasing comment on the tip of her tongue, when she was cut off by a sudden booming noise.

"What the _hell—_ " Tadashi jumped to his feet, heading out of the food stall to try and assess the situation.

Off in the distance, at the edge of the village, there was a huge plume of smoke, twirling up into the afternoon sky.

"A jutsu gone bad, you think?" Hana questioned, standing right by his side, armed and ready.

Anko, on her other side, shook her head. Keen eyes were studying the smoke, judging the distance and where it must have come from. "No... I think this might be a jutsu gone _right_."

Hana's eyes widened, and Tadashi felt his hackles rise.

"But that means—"

Even as she spoke, sirens went off throughout the village.

"THERE HAS BEEN AN ATTACK ON THE SOUTHERN WALL. ALL CIVILIANS PLEASE LEAVE THE AREA. REPEAT, THERE HAS BEEN AN ATTACK—"

 _Shit. We're being invaded._

Tadashi covered his ears, the blaring loudspeakers making it hard to think.

"Fuck," Anko hissed, grabbing firmly onto Hana's shoulder. "Babe, we gotta move. The last time they had to make a village-wide announcement like that was when the Kyūbi attacked."

"ALL SHINOBI THAT ARE CHŪNIN LEVEL OR ABOVE, PLEASE REPORT TO THE HOKAGE TOWER FOR YOUR DUTIES. GENIN AND ACADEMY STUDENTS ARE TO EVACUATE WITH THE CIVILIANS. REPEAT, ALL—"

"Let's get out of here!" Tadashi called out, already sprinting for the tower. They weren't too far away, they could get there before it was too late.

Barely within his hearing range was the sound of more explosions, but they were growing louder by the second. The enemy was moving in, and they had to be ready.

(|||)

They hadn't expected the Akatsuki to retaliate so soon, or in such a brash way, but this was _definitely_ retaliation.

And this wasn't a battle. This was a goddamned _war_. More than the Sound Invasion, more than anything Tadashi had ever experienced. For days now they had been fighting against the Paths, trying to figure out their weak points and protect the civilians.

Tadashi, like many others, was holed up inside the tunnels of the Hokage mountain, trying to keep the people safe and organized. Every couple of hours he went out with a squad to try and retrieve as many of the non-combatants as possible, and he felt like he was ready to drop dead at any minute.

Now, he had a rare moment of rest, and Tadashi was trying to take advantage of it by getting some shut eye. But even as he rested his head in his arms and tried to relax, sleep wouldn't come. He was just too wired up.

Tadashi supposed that he shouldn't be surprised. He had been trained to be able to sleep anywhere, in any conditions, but never with something like _this_ in mind. The civilians were awake around him as well, whispering frantically among themselves.

He ached to say something to them, to alleviate their fears somehow, but there was nothing he could do. A better use of his time was to keep protecting them, making it so they had nothing to fear in the first place.

Even though hopefully it wouldn't come to that, and the Paths would be killed before they could target the Hokage Mountain where all the civilians were hiding.

Suddenly, he heard someone shouting towards the entrance of the passageway, different from the usual racket. Immediately, Tadashi stood up and ran to the sound, one hand on a kunai and his heart pounding in his chest.

He made his way through the crowd that had gathered, and when he saw the cause of the commotion his heart almost stopped.

 _Shit_...

It was a whole squad of shinobi, all groaning in pain. Some looked barely alive, and Tadashi wasn't even sure about a couple of them.

"Get some medics over here!" he shouted, before ordering the civilians to move out of the way. "Anyone who knows first aid, get ready to help! We're gonna need a lot of bandages."

"You got this in hand, then?" Raidō asked wearily. He'd been the one to drag this group here, and his exhaustion proved it.

"Yes, we'll be fine, Raidō-san." Tadashi nodded.

"Great. I've gotta get back out there, stay safe."

Tadashi frowned, but allowed him to leave without protest. Raidō looked like he could use some help from a medic himself, but Tadashi knew better than to make him stay. They were shinobi, and their village was under attack. Right now, they didn't have that luxury.

And Tadashi had some first aid knowledge at the very least, so he had a job to do.

Several other medics had arrived at that point, and they were quickly assessing the damage, sorting out who needed treatment the most desperately. Tadashi headed over to the 'moderately' injured section, doing what he could to help.

But, as he'd been dreading since this whole thing began, his third patient was someone that he knew.

Kiba began to regain consciousness as Tadashi carefully peeled off his jacket. His left arm was covered in drying, flaky blood and didn't seem to be stopping anytime soon— the slice there must have hit an artery.

Once he saw who was working on him, his eyes widened.

"Where's Hana?" Kiba blurted out, instantly making the connection from Tadashi to his elder sister. "Is she alright?"

"Last I saw, Hana was stuck on healing duty," Tadashi recalled, quickly tying a bandage around Kiba's cut in order to halt the blood loss. "I think she was on the edge of the village though, not with us."

Kiba let out a deep sigh of relief. "Oh god, _thank you_. Our compound got destroyed, I wasn't sure if she had made it out or not."

"I've been stuck in here dealing with civilians," Tadashi murmured. He had to get the answers, even if he might not particularly like them. "What's the extent of the damage outside?"

Kiba grimaced, and he scrubbed at his face with weary expression. "It's bad. _Real_ bad. I... I can't even give you a rough estimate of the death toll right now. There's just too many."

"And the final battle hasn't even begun," Tadashi said grimly. "They're after Naruto-san. Until he gets here, we're just playing placeholder."

"I know, but it's not like we have a choice." Kiba clenched his fists, and Tadashi noticed for the first time that Akamaru was nowhere to be seen. "We can't just hide away and wait for him to come rescue us. The more of these bastards we take out now, the less will try and get in Naruto's way when he goes after the big boss."

Despite himself, Tadashi let out a tiny huff of laughter. "Is this what it's like to be the side character?"

Kiba didn't quite laugh, but his lips turned up in something that could almost be described as a grin.

They took a second to enjoy their momentary peace, until Kiba broke it with a downcast face.

"I have to go back out there."

His expression was equally determined and guilty. Determined, because he was a proud Konoha shinobi, and had been trained in the event of a situation like this. Guilty, because despite all of the sacrifices that had already been made, all the people that they had lost... he really didn't want to become one of them.

Tadashi knew that ache, intimately, and he made a snap decision.

"I'm going with you."

Kiba studied him for a moment, and Tadashi was afraid that he would refuse. But then he smiled— a melancholy and desperate smile, true, but a real one.

"Thanks. I... don't think that I could do this by myself."

Tadashi grinned back, sure that his expression was just as near-rabid as Kiba's.

"Well, Hana would never forgive me if I let something happen to you. Just try and keep up, okay?"

(|||)

Outside, it was just complete devastation. Only a couple of buildings had been left standing, and even less were fully intact.

He'd known that it was bad, since he'd gone out to try and find all of the injured and civilians, but still... This was his _home_. Even the earthquake—

Tadashi abruptly shook his head, roughly shoving that thought aside. He couldn't afford to get caught up in past trauma now.

Stealthily, the two crept through the rubble, trying to stay unnoticed.

"How many of the paths are left?" Tadashi whispered, hovering by Kiba's side as he peeked around the corner.

"Four, last I saw," Kiba muttered in reply. "One of them keeps bringing the others back to life, and it's really killing our chances."

Tadashi snorted. "It's ' _killing_ ' our chances?"

"Fuck you, that wasn't intentional." But when Kiba turned, there was a rueful sort of grin on his face. "Hey, Tadashi? Thanks."

Tadashi smiled, small but genuine. "Not a problem, kid. Now, let's see who needs some help."

Kiba nodded, and they set off.

Paths were going after the strongest fighters almost exclusively at this point, so Kiba and Tadashi were free to race around and collect the injured, even if it did feel a little insulting that they didn't even merit a second look.

Still, it allowed them to get three different groups to various escape routes, so Tadashi wasn't complaining.

Tadashi stood from where he had been resting, the two of them tucked away into a little side street that was mostly clear of rubble. He was about to suggest that they get moving again when Kiba let out a sharp breath.

" _T-Tadashi—_ " Kiba stuttered, staring at him with wide eyes.

Tadashi frowned, cocking his head to the side. "What, what is it—?"

He never even saw it coming.

But a second later, he felt it. A deep pain, burning hot, spreading out through his veins and starting—

Starting at his chest.

Belatedly, he looked down and stared blankly at the black pole sticking out of the center of his body, piercing through his jacket like it was nothing more than wet paper. Against his will, his hands began to shake.

" _Oh_ ," Tadashi said softly. "My bad."

Then he wheezed, falling to his knees as Kiba lurched forwards, catching him with a cry of alarm.

"Shit, _oh shit—_ Tadashi just hold on, _fuck—_!"

Tadashi tried to obey, but he was suddenly finding it very difficult to stay awake. He took one last shuddering breath, and the last thing he saw before his eyelids gently fell closed, was a shock of bright orange hair.

(|||)

 _Tadashi,_

 _I know that you're probably very busy, so feel free to let me know if I'm bothering you. But... You haven't replied to any of my letters for the past few days. You didn't mention having a big mission anytime soon._

 _Is everything okay?_

 _—Yours, Gaara_


	20. resurgam

["resurgam"- _I shall rise again_ ]

* * *

Gaara politely nodded along with what the councilman was saying, fighting to keep his expression from slipping into boredom. When he'd had grand dreams of proving his competence (and sanity) to the people of Sunagakure, he hadn't thought that tedious meetings would be part of the deal.

Next to him, Kankurō was staring blankly at the tabletop. He seemed about to nod off at any moment, only keeping himself awake through sheer willpower. Temari, on his other side, was diligently taking notes. Though she hated the boring and long-winded speeches as much as they did, she was too dedicated to let that stop her from doing her job.

When Councilman Takara finally finished his pitch and returned to his seat, Gaara stood. It was about time that they wrapped all this up. Usually he'd let it go on a bit longer, make sure that everyone got to say their piece, but he'd been feeling very on-edge for the past several days. At this point, he just wanted to go home.

"Thank you for coming, everyone. We'll address the shortage of cabbages at a later date, when we have more information. For now, I'd suggest that everyone—"

" _What the fuck?_ " Kankurō said suddenly, jolting out of his seat with an alarmed expression.

"Kankurō, what's wrong?" Temari asked, starting to rise out of her own chair in anticipation of an attack.

Gaara didn't move. He was totally frozen in place, unable to focus on anything but the burning sensation on his wrist. Slowly, so slowly that he was surprised his hand didn't shake, he took off his wristband.

His compass was fading, it's brilliant golden shine disappearing faster than he could keep track. Gaara wanted to look away, wanted to forget, wanted to _make it stop—_

In reality, it was probably only a single second. But while he stood there and silently watched his soulmate die, it felt more like a hundred years.

"Kiba—" Kankurō said, finally drawing back Gaara's attention. His face was twisted into some kind of disbelieving grief. "Something must be wrong at Konoha, we have to _do_ something—"

"Do what?" Councilwoman Haibara interrupted, frowning severely. "Go all the way to Konoha on a whim? I certainly don't think so. We can't afford for one of our strongest fighters to go gallivanting across the country— we don't have the resources to spare for such a thing. Please regain your composure, Kankurō-kun."

"How _dare_ you!" Temari hissed, slamming her hands on the table as she rose from her seat. "You have no right to speak to him that way!"

"This is the trouble that comes from having a soulmate in a different village," Council Takara said scornfully, not backing down even when Temari whipped her head around to glare at him. "If this behavior is allowed to continue, then—"

" _That's enough_ ," Gaara said coldly. Everyone in the room immediately stopped what they were doing. They all recognized that tone of voice— even if it had been years since they'd last heard it. Satisfied that no one would interrupt him, he turned to Kankurō. "Has your compass gone dark?"

Kankurō flinched, but valiantly soldiered on. "Yes, it finished approximately forty seconds ago."

"Not even a minute after mine, then," Gaara murmured, ignoring the collective sharp intake of breath as everyone realized that Gaara's soulmate had died as well.

"Perhaps there was some kind of trouble on a mission…?" One of the council members suggested weakly, finally seeming to recognize the dangerous vibes that Gaara was giving off.

"It's not unusual for the two of them to take missions together, though it is rather strange, given the circumstances." Gaara moved from his place by the head of the table, gesturing for Kankurō and Temari to join him. "You're all dismissed. My siblings and I will be discussing this new revelation in my office. Don't interrupt."

Several of them tried to protest, but Gaara paid them no heed. It was taking everything he had to keep himself under control, to stop himself from going on a complete rampage. Normally he would never even think of such a thing, unwilling to allow himself to return to those dark days of the past, but now—

Now, when his compass was spinning and Tadashi was _dead—_

Gaara took a deep breath, ushering his siblings into his office and firmly shutting the door.

"Gaara, you're not gonna stand for that, are you?" Kankurō burst out, clenching his fists in ire. "We can't let them start spouting off shit about our soulmates, that's not okay!"

"That isn't our concern right now." Temari brutally shot him down, holding up a hand when Kankurō tried to protest. She turned to Gaara instead. "Do you really think that there was a mission? Tadashi and Kiba are both jōnin. For the two of them to be taken out so suddenly, and within such a short amount of time…"

"It's possible, but not likely." Gaara moved to stand behind his desk, hiding his clenched fists behind his back. "Tadashi prefers working with Hyūga-chan, as her skill set is usually more helpful for the content of his missions."

"I didn't think so," Temari muttered. She took one look at Kankurō's desperate face (desperate because this can't be the end— things haven't even truly _begun_ ), and she finally softened.

"Something has happened in Konoha." Gaara was sure of it. Memories of the last letters he and Tadashi exchanged filled his mind— they'd both suspected that retaliation would come soon.

"The Akatsuki?" Kankurō questioned. He was blinking hard, leaning against the wall in an almost casual way. He was doing admirably in hiding the way he was affected, but not enough to hide it from their eyes.

Temari reached out and placed her hand on his shoulder, giving him a comforting squeeze. "We'll get to the bottom of this. You can count on it."

Kankurō gave her a wan smile in return, but then switched his attention back to Gaara, silently asking him to answer his previous question.

"The Akatsuki are a high possibility," Gaara acknowledged with a tip of his head. "After the death of Asuma-san, two of the top ranking members were taken out. That, combined with the fact that Naruto is the likely one of the last jinchūriki left, means that they might have become impatient and attacked Konohagakure in an attempt to capture him."

The grim truth finally upon them, the three stood in silence for a long moment.

"…There's really nothing we can do, is there." It wasn't a question— Kankurō already knew the answer.

"I'll send a missive to Tsunade-sama," Gaara said. He turned around, staring out of his office window and keeping his back to them. "I'll ask for an explanation regarding the fates of… the…"

He couldn't bring himself to continue.

"Alright, Gaara," Temari said, and he could hear her heading for the door, though he couldn't bring himself to turn and watch them go. "We're gonna go back to the house now. We… we'll wait for you there."

Gaara heard the sound of their footsteps as they left the office, the way Kankurō's breath hitched before he could get himself going. When the door closed behind them and their chakra signatures had faded, he finally sat down at his desk.

And only then, with his head in his hands, did he allow himself to break down.

(|||)

When Tadashi woke up, it took him a moment to realize that he wasn't quite himself. Or, rather, he was back to being himself.

"What…?" he breathed out, caught completely off guard. He brought his hand up close to his face, studying it intently. His skin was so much darker now, and there was a little scar, right there on his thumb. How had he gotten that again? It'd been so long.

"Brother?" a voice called out, echoing and far away. "Big brother, is that you? We've been waiting for so long!"

He knew that voice.

Tadashi scrambled to get to his feet, feeling lost and off-balance. He was even taller than he was used to— all long-limbed and broad shoulders, not at all like the tight, compacted muscle that he'd lived with for the past two decades.

"I'm here!" he shouted, and even his voice was different. He fell easily back into what had once been his mother tongue, the syllables spilling light and easy from his mouth. "I'm here!"

"Come to us!" A different voice this time, but still one that he just instinctively knew. "We've waited so long, please don't leave us behind again!"

"Never," he promised blindly as he started to make his way through the dense fog. "I'll never leave you again—"

" _Wait!_ " A hand was on his shoulder, pulling him back, stopping him from advancing towards those familiar voices.

He snarled, whipping around and pulling himself out of the interlopers grip.

"What the hell do you want?" Tadashi said angrily, barely remembering to switch back to Japanese when he did so.

"Sorry, sorry," the man said sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head in a nervous gesture. "It's just— well, you're one of the new ones, right? From Konoha?"

"How did you—" Tadashi instinctively looked down, trying to see where he'd gotten such an impression. He was in his old body, in his old clothes, so how— _oh_.

He was wearing his old outfit— the one he'd worn on the day that he'd died, actually. He had nothing on him that would mark him as a shinobi, let alone one from Konohagakure. Except, there was one thing that had changed.

Wrapped around his left bicep, looking as though it had always been there, was his hitai-ate and the symbol of the village that it represented.

"Thought so." The man nodded in satisfaction, giving Tadashi a cheery grin when he returned his attention to him. "Sorry to just grab you like that, but I had to stop you from going in there."

"Why?" Tadashi snapped, his temper flaring at this stranger thinking that he could dictate his actions, especially when it came to this. "Don't you hear them? They _need_ me, they've waited so long already, and that's after I was the one to abandon them in the first place—"

"I can't hear them," he stated seriously, cutting through Tadashi's frenzied speech. "And I'm sorry. But you shouldn't go."

"Why?" Tadashi asked again, this time in a near-broken tone. Why? _Whywhywhywhy_ —

"Because you're not meant to stay here." When he spoke, his white hair fell in front of his face slightly, masking his complicated expression. "There's something latching onto you, from the other side. You may yet be saved. But if you go into the mists, there's no return."

"Why does it _matter?_ " Oh god, Tadashi could feel his eyes welling up. Fuck, that was embarrassing. "What's even left to go back to?"

"If you leave now, you'll never know." There was an ageless pain in his eyes when he said that, an unspoken regret that must have stayed with him throughout all these years.

Tadashi was about to reply, when he felt a bit of a tugging sensation on his core. The other shinobi must have realized it, because he let go and stepped back, careless smile now firmly in place.

"Last chance," he said casually.

Tadashi remained still, even with the regret that was already starting to consume his heart. Behind him, he heard those voices again, joined by new ones as they cried out for him.

"Brother? _Brother!_ "

He closed his eyes for a brief moment, and when he opened them, he was once again Nara Tadashi.

"Thank you," he told his good samaritan, meaning it honestly, if with a little bitterness.

"Thank me by living. Not all of us get the opportunity to go back."

The last thing he saw, _this time,_ was a sad and tired man, with an equally bitter smile.

(|||)

The next time he awoke, it was to a different voice calling for him.

"Tadashi!"

It was Shikamaru, shaking and crying as he embraced him. "Oh thank god, you're alive."

"I'm alive," Tadashi repeated numbly. "Holy shit, _I'm alive_."

Shikamaru just laughed, tears still running down his face. "We're all alive. We're alive, and _we beat them_ , Tadashi."

He sat up, though not without a great deal of struggle, and embraced his cousin, feeling some tears of his own coming on.

Everyone was alive. He'd call that a victory, if nothing else. But, shit… he'd _died_. When this was all settled, he was gonna take the longest vacation ever. Maybe he'd go visit with Gaara for a while…

At that thought, Tadashi's eyes snapped open.

Oh shit, _Gaara!_


	21. cras amet qui nunquam amavit

["cras amet qui nunquam amavit; quique amavit, cras amet"- _may he who has never loved before, love tomorrow; And may he who has loved, love tomorrow as well_ ]

* * *

It took Tadashi almost three months to get the time off. The village was still in dire need— many people had lost their homes, their shops, everything they'd owned. It was far worse than the destruction of the last invasion, as most of that damage had been directed to the edges of the village instead of right smack-dab in the center. The death toll, at least, was less.

(It'd taken a few weeks for his father to loosen his grip, but Tadashi hadn't really minded. It was nice to know that he was loved, even if it came from his father's insane overprotectiveness.)

Tadashi could still barely believe it. Their enemy, the man they'd all been fighting against for days had been the one to save them? Naruto… he truly was something else. Tadashi admired him to be the one to defeat Pein's last vessel, that was true, but— even more than that, he was almost in awe of his ability to turn enemies to his side. To change a person's perspective was no easy thing to do. Tadashi struggled almost daily with his own biases, it seemed impossible to try changing someone else's.

Uchiha Sasuke was still a problem, however. That whole thing with Danzo had been so fucking ridiculous, Tadashi didn't even want to think about it. But Tsunade-sama had recovered, and the hat was back where it belonged. It was okay— not _great_ , but okay.

Well, none of really that mattered now anyway.

"Tadashi, I'm glad to see that you've arrived safely."

"Yeah, me too." He gladly took the hand that Gaara offered, allowing his soulmate to pull him into the house.

Getting to Sunagakure had been a pain, sure, but it was worth it. Anything was worth it, if it meant getting to see Gaara again. The letters just hadn't been enough, especially with how freaked out Gaara had been— what with his compass going dark, and everything. Tadashi couldn't blame him. He remembered that indescribable grief, the way it had slid into place like an old friend with the darkening of his compass.

"I trust that your travels weren't too difficult?" Gaara inquired, leading Tadashi through the winding hallways with the ease of long practice.

"Not at all," Tadashi replied with a lopsided grin. He didn't mind these formalities, as long as they came from Gaara. He made it seem oddly cute. "How's everything been on your end?"

"The same as always, really," Gaara gave a wry smile of his own, squeezing Tadashi's hand for emphasis. "The council still can't stand any kind of real change, but I think we're getting through to them. It's slow going, but at least it's going."

"Oh yeah, I remember you talking about that in your last letter." Tadashi winced, imagining having to deal with a bunch of stuffy old people all day. If they were anything like Chiyo…

"Kankurō was the one to step up, actually," Gaara explained as he opened the door to the guest room and ushered Tadashi inside.

"Huh, really? I always assumed that Temari would be the one to break first," Tadashi commented. He absentmindedly rolled his shoulders, trying to get rid the of the tension that had begun to build there. Laying down on the bed, he let out a big sigh, feeling that much-needed relaxation wash over him. He loved Konoha and wouldn't trade it for anything, but there was something about this little guest room (that had steadily become _Tadashi's_ room), that was just eminently satisfying.

Well, Gaara wasn't in Konoha. Tadashi wasn't ashamed to admit to his bias there— anything with Gaara in it was immediately improved.

He felt the bed dip a little as Gaara sat next to him, and a calloused hand began to run through his hair. Tadashi almost purred at the sensation, shifting closer so that he could have better access. Gaara let out a light light, the sound as endearing as always with his raspy voice.

(No longer did he think of the man he'd killed, when confronted with that particular cadence. His mind always went to Gaara first. _Always, always._ )

"Sorry…" Tadashi muttered sleepily, cracking open an eye so that he could look up at him. "Was there something else you wanted to say? 'Cause otherwise I'll probably just pass out for the next couple of hours."

"No, this is fine." Gaara smiled. His expression was tender in a way that Tadashi thought he could finally recognize.

Yeah… He was ready now. Perhaps that confrontation in the other world had been useful after all. The past would always have it's hold on him, but he refused to continue allowing that to prevent him from making it to the future. Even if their stations in life were so far apart, even if Tadashi didn't feel like he was good enough… He was selfish. So this time— _please_.

"It's alright Tadashi," Gaara's voice rumbled in his ear, easing him into sleep. "We still have time."

(|||)

Tadashi shifted in place, murmuring in discontent when his pillow tried to move.

"C'mon, j-just one more minute," he stuttered on a yawn, pulling his pillow firmly against him so that it wouldn't try to run away.

"Normally I wouldn't mind," his pillow said with an amused voice. "But Temari and Kankurō are waiting downstairs. It's time for dinner."

"W-who?" Tadashi sight was blurry, so it took a moment for him to make out the sight of Gaara's distinctive red hair. Still half-asleep, he scowled accusingly. "You're not my pillow."

"Indeed," Gaara said gravely, though a smile was twitching at the corner of his lips. "A mistake that I will be able to rectify for you later. But until then, dinner?"

"Oh, sure." Tadashi sat up, stretching out his back like a cat. "Sorry about falling asleep on you like that, jeez."

"I don't mind," Gaara assured him, sliding off the bed to stand patiently in the doorway.

"Uh…" His cheeks were heating up, and he just knew that he must be blushing like an idiot. "That's good? I mean, I'm glad I wasn't bothering you. Or anything."

Gaara merely smiled like he knew something that Tadashi didn't, and the two then headed downstairs.

"Here come the lovebirds!" Temari said teasingly. "Was wondering if you'd actually show up at all. After all, I'm sure that you were very _busy_ up there."

Tadashi groaned, another traitorous blush rising. "This is payback for you and Shikamaru, isn't it?"

"Oh, completely," she confirmed, smirking.

"Speaking of Shikamaru, how is he?" Kankurō jumped in, looking as if he'd just been waiting for the opportunity to bring this up. "And more importantly, how is Kiba? He said that he was doing fine in the last letter he sent me, but he's an idiot and can't be trusted."

"He really _is_ fine," Tadashi chuckled, imagining said jōnin's reaction to that comment. He'd been spending a lot more time with Kiba recently, as the two of them recovered, and Tadashi liked to think that they'd grown closer as a result. Apparently, dying together was a good bonding experience. "He's still on bed rest, but he'll be okay. I got taken out with one solid hit, but the Path fucked him up real bad. There was a lot of external stuff that still had to be taken care of when we were revived."

At the reminder, the table descended into a very awkward silence.

Tadashi cursed himself for bringing it up in such an abrupt manner. Sure, he and the others back home had a good laugh about it, but he should have remembered that not everyone would view it in such a way.

It was easier to distance yourself from something if you used humor, if you treated it callously. Sometimes, Tadashi would catch himself wondering if the whole thing was just a dream. No one had died, right? And with their resident Mokuton user doing overtime, the village was repaired soon enough. But _no_ — it hadn't been a dream. And he never wanted to forget it, forget the pain he'd suffered in that war. Being stuck in the mountain, never sure of his loved ones survival, aware that he was the last line of defense if the Paths tried to go after the civilians… It was hard to forget that feeling, no matter how much he may have wished for it.

But joking about those times made it better. It made Tadashi feel less affected, like he had some control over the trauma that had happened to him.

"I'm glad," Gaara said quietly, and there was no recrimination in his eyes when he gazed at Tadashi.

"Yeah, nice to hear that things are going smoothly!" Temari grinned, reaching across the table to poke him with a fork. "Shika's told me a little bit, but you know how he is—"

"Yeah, yeah, that's great," Kankurō interrupted, still seeming a bit anxious. "But, like, how _okay_ are we talking here? Why's he still in the hospital if he's fine? And how's Akamaru, Kiba was really concerned about him—"

"He's _fine_ ," Tadashi said firmly, though he couldn't help the bit of amusement that sprung up at seeing him act so fussily. "Akamaru has recovered perfectly under Hana's tender love and care, and he spends most of his time with Kiba— who is still in the hospital because he keeps trying to escape before he's officially checked out."

" _Idiot_ ," Kankurō muttered darkly, though he still settled back into his chair, some hidden weight lifting off of him at the confirmation.

"That's why he suits you so well," Temari jeered, laughing when he took a playful swipe at her.

The rest of the dinner was spent in much the same way, the three siblings ribbing each other as Tadashi pitched in with his own teasing remarks. Not a bad way to end the day, that was for sure.

(|||)

"Ah, that was great." Tadashi let out a yawn, feeling sleep begin to creep up on him despite his earlier nap. Well, that was apparently an aftereffect of dying— you got exhausted much faster than before.

He hovered by his bedroom door, and turned to say something to Gaara before stopping short. Gaara was staring at him, an edge of determination in his jaw even as his eyes reflected his uncertainty.

"Is there something wrong—"

"Would you mind terribly if—"

They both cut themselves off, amused despite the situation.

"You go ahead," Tadashi said, flicking his hand to emphasize.

Gaara nodded, and then seemed to steel himself. "You were receptive to staying with me… _before_. Would it be okay if I— if I stayed with you tonight?"

At seeing that nervous look, Tadashi just melted. He had no issues with that regardless, but that hopeful expression would have torn any of them away.

"Not at all!" He opened the door and stepped aside, gesturing for Gaara to enter. "After you."

Gaara approached him, but instead of going in, he hovered by Tadashi's side. He gazed at his soulmate, serious as ever. They were close. _Really_ close. Tadashi could see the flecks of brown in his eyes from here, every intricate line of his tattoo.

 _I'm selfish. Forgive me, I'm so selfish._

Tadashi leaned forwards, slowly, allowing Gaara the time to back away if that was what he wished. When he didn't, Tadashi smiled, and pressed his lips to Gaara's in a gentle embrace.

They simply stood there for a long moment, soaking up the warmth and reassurance.

 _I'm alive_ , Tadashi's kiss said. _I'm alive, and **I love you.**_

 _I'm alive,_ said Gaara's in return. _I'm alive, and I had to fight so much for this. I love you, **I love you**._

Tadashi was the first to break away, smiling uncontrollably. He had never even _prayed_ for something like this, but it was still better than he could have ever imagined.

" _Thank you_ ," he whispered, perhaps the most sincere thing he'd ever said in this life or the last.

"No," Gaara replied, cupping his cheek with a tenderness that was new to them both. "Thank _you_."


	22. cor ad cor loquitur

["cor ad cor loquitur"- _heart speaks to heart_ ]

* * *

When Tadashi finally drifted into wakefulness, it took him a moment to remember where he was. But then Gaara —who had his arms wrapped around Tadashi's waist— shifted a bit in his sleep, and he was abruptly reminded. He almost panicked, unused to the intimacy of this situation, before deciding that he was far too tired to care.

Gaara was warm, curled against him like this, and he couldn't think of a time he had felt more relaxed. He wanted to enjoy this moment a little more, just in case it had all disappeared by the next time he opened his eyes.

Besides, Gaara still had trouble with his sleeping habits, even now. Knowing that he had felt comfortable enough to drop off into slumber made Tadashi's heart swell in his chest.

Yeah. He could wait a little longer.

(|||)

Gaara had woken up several times during the night, just as he always did with his insomnia acting up, but it was still possibly the best night of sleep that he'd ever had. Tadashi just seemed to make things easier, in that way.

And, speaking of...

He rolled over, propping himself up on his elbows so that he could properly study his soulmate. Tadashi slept all curled in on himself, like he was trying to take up as little space as possible. Gaara gently stroked his back in soothing motion, coaxing his bed partner into a more relaxed state.

Tadashi made a small noise of protest, but went along willingly, huddling closer to Gaara as he did. At that, Gaara couldn't help the smile that came to his lips.

He leaned down, pressing his cheek against Tadashi's hair to hide his soppy expression. This wasn't something he'd expected, something that he had ever allowed himself to even hope for. But now that he had it...

"Mm...?" Tadashi blinked up at him blearily, still half-asleep. "Hi."

"Good morning," Gaara murmured, reveling in the feeling of Tadashi's warm skin against his.

He wouldn't mind having some more mornings like this. In fact, Gaara thought that he might enjoy it very much.

(|||)

As was to be expected, there had been much teasing when they went downstairs for a late breakfast.

"What's the matter, you two?" Temari said cheekily, taking in their sleepy and bedraggled appearances. "Late night?"

"Yeah, were you _busy?_ " Kankurō asked with fake innocence, apparently unable to keep himself from commenting. "We thought about going to wake you up, but..."

"Probably for the best," Tadashi said, valiantly trying to clamp down on the blush that was trying to flare up at the nature of their teasing. He didn't— they hadn't—

Damn it. Though he supposed that this is what he'd earned with all of his little jabs about their love lives. Served him right, really.

"We _were_ busy," Gaara said, sneaking an arm around Tadashi's waist after they'd sat down. Gaara was taking every opportunity he could to touch him, now that he had received blanket permission. Tadashi couldn't say that he minded.

"Oh?" Temari beamed, looking absolutely delighted. "Dare I ask?"

"Please _don't_ ," Kankurō said hastily, jumping in when it looked like the he was about to be privy to some information that he was most _definitely_ not interested in.

Tadashi rolled his eyes. "We were just talking."

Temari had the gall to look disappointed, and even Kankurō seemed a bit put-out.

Seriously, what did they expect? Shinobi gossiped like little old ladies— nothing was sacred, and nothing was safe. Like hell Tadashi would tell them anything, even if nothing had actually happened.

"Well, who cares," Temari clapped her hands, pinning the two of them with a penetrating look. "Onto the more important things. Are you two dating now?"

Tadashi tilted his head, studying Gaara's reaction to her phrasing. He didn't seem upset, or embarrassed. Just content. And when he saw Tadashi looking at him, he gave a small smile and nodded his head.

Tadashi slumped in his chair, just the tiniest bit, some hidden weight falling off of him.

"Yeah, we're dating."

And damn, didn't that feel nice to say aloud?

"Wonderful!" Temari cried, and she looked even more excited about this than she had about her prime gossip material from before.

"Congratulations," Kankuro said sincerely, eyes crinkling a little from the wideness of his smile. It was a bit strange to see him without his facepaint. Tadashi had only seen it a couple of times, on his visits to Sunagakure, but it made Kankuro's whole face seem softer. Hm. Maybe Kiba was right after all.

"Thank you," Gaara said, but the quiet sincerity in his voice more than made up for his lack of enthusiasm.

Tadashi knew that things were sometimes still strained for the three siblings, but they were working to overcome it. And he had no doubt that they would be able to do it— the love that these three held for each other was obvious to everyone who met them. It had taken them some effort to get there, sure, but that just made it all the more precious in the end.

Tadashi wondered, vaguely, if the same could be said of his and Gaara's relationship. Wouldn't that be nice?

"So, what are you two lovebirds planning on doing today?" Temari asked, regarding them with a warm expression.

She _genuinely cared_. She wanted to know where they were going, wanted to connect with him. Kankuro, too, was waiting patiently for an answer, even with his hair all mussed up and sleepy expression on his face.

Something deep in Tadashi's heart gave a pained jolt. For a moment, all he could see was his siblings, all sitting around the table with him and laughing at one of his stupid jokes. It seemed like he could almost hear the breeze drifting through the kitchen window they always left open, the low murmur of voices coming in from the street.

Then Gaara squeezed his hand, and he was abruptly brought back to reality.

"Huh, what?" Tadashi said distractedly, and then gave a nervous laugh. "Uh, sorry about that. Still a little tired, I guess."

He shot Gaara a pleading look, begging for a distraction.

"I had hoped to walk around a bit today," Gaara graciously intervened, taking his the attention of his siblings away. "I won't be heading into work, so it would be nice to simply spend time in the village."

"Sounds good to me." Tadashi nodded. Sounded _great_ , actually. He could do with some low-key activities, especially after the complete shitshow these last few weeks had been.

"Really, the council went for that?" Kakuro asked, raising a brow in silent disbelief.

Gaara smiled, the expression calm and mild. It was a wonderful contrast to the look in his eyes— _don't fuck with me on this_ , was the general impression Tadashi received.

"I'm afraid that they weren't given much of a choice in the matter," Gaara said. "And after their unfortunate choice of words last time, they were all too eager to appease me."

Tadashi couldn't help the grin that appeared when he heard that, even though he knew that Gaara despised being accused of ruling through fear. Then, the rest of the sentence registered.

"Wait, what happened last time?" he asked curiously. That interest only grew when the three siblings exchanged shifty looks.

"We should get going," Gaara said hastily, standing from his chair and quickly heading to the door. Tadashi pouted, almost wanting to pursue his line of questioning, but deciding to drop it after a moment. Whatever the council had done this time didn't really matter to him anyways.

When the couple stepped outside, Tadashi took a moment to breath in the desert air.

"Have fun!" Kankuro called out, waving them off with a proud grin, almost like a mom leaving her children at the gates of the academy.

Tadashi huffed a laugh, waving back. He could see Temari through one of the windows, and she winked at him when they passed by.

Those two... Damn, if Tadashi could get away with it, he'd kidnap them and force them into being _his_ siblings instead. He could only hope that he could one day have the same type of relationship with Shikamaru.

He might have had a relationship like that with his siblings, once. It was hard for him to recall. It'd been over twenty years since he last saw them, by now, and he was beginning to forget a lot of things. Like the shape of their faces, the color of their eyes. Which one was tallest, which one was oldest. He was even beginning to forget their names.

( _Like he'd forgotten his own._ )

"What is it?" Gaara asked, blinking curiously at Tadashi's far off expression.

"You have a good family," Tadashi said simply, pressing a gentle kiss on Gaara's cheek. This was no time to be getting lost in his own head. No matter what he may have left behind, he couldn't go back there anymore. He might as well enjoy what he had now.

Gaara smiled, no less happy than any other one he'd given that day. "Yes, I do."


	23. igitur qui desiderat pacem

["igitur qui desiderat pacem, praeparet bellum"- _therefore whoever desires peace, let him prepare for war_ ]

* * *

The peace didn't last— it never does. Only a couple of days into Tadashi's visit, Gaara received an urgent message from Tsunade-sama.

 _Despite our best efforts, too much has happened. The Akatsuki are planning their final move, and we need to be ready. I have called for the Kage to meet and discuss our options. The planned location would be Kumogakure, as the Raikage has demanded. We hope that you will be able to join us._

 _—Senju Tsunade, Godaime Hokage._

This set off a flurry of activity, the likes of which Tadashi had never seen before.

"I'll be leaving with the others tomorrow," Gaara told him, expression grim. "If this is to be a war… We can't let ourselves be caught unawares."

"Oh, believe me, that's pretty much the last thing that I want." Tadashi had smirked, but on the inside he was so _tired_.

When was this going to _end?_ This awful cycle of war and pain, would it ever really go away? Now, it wasn't like he felt ungrateful or anything. For fuck's sake, he'd _died_ for his village, and he would do it again if he had to. But that didn't mean that he wanted to. He _wanted_ to spend time with his family, with Gaara, and not have to worry about the next coming conflict. He wanted _peace_.

 _Perhaps this is why other people don't remember their past lives,_ Tadashi mused to himself. _No one would ever want to do anything._

He'd already been tired before he'd even been born. But the longer he spent in this new life, the worse he became.

Damn it. Fucking dammit. Tadashi was so tired. He just wanted it to end.

(|||)

Gaara studied his bedmate carefully. In sleep, Tadashi's face was relaxed and open. The worry lines faded, and he seemed so much younger in the moonlight.

He wished that they could stay like this forever, that he could keep this moment suspended in time for him to return to in those moments when he was doubting himself. Even more than that, Gaara wished that he could show Tadashi _this_ , properly explain to him how much he cared, how much he had _always_ cared.

After their first meeting, Gaara had almost been able to convince himself that it was a dream. That he'd never met his soulmate, that Tadashi had been nothing more than a figment of his imagination. Only the golden compass on his wrist had convinced him otherwise, and some days even that didn't feel like enough. That first letter had been a blessing, but at the same time—

At the same time, he wasn't quite sure what to make of it. This wasn't how he'd been told that soulmates were supposed to be. Meeting your soulmate was supposed to be your happy ending, right? Not whatever _this_ was.

Tadashi had been so hesitant— not _afraid_ , which likely would have made Gaara incredibly angry, but he had shied away, always questioning himself. It had taken Gaara years to get used to that self-deprecating tendency— and it _was_ something that he'd had to get used to. He had always known that Tadashi was amazing, because Tadashi was his, but the Konoha shinobi just didn't think in the same way.

And Gaara just had to accept that.

Love doesn't mean changing yourself for the other person. Love doesn't work that way. If you really want to become better, you have to do it for yourself.

And so Gaara kept his silence, reassuring Tadashi when he was able. It didn't help that a lot of Tadashi's insecurities held a grain of truth. The two of them did lead very different, often contrasting lives. Gaara's role in the village kept him busy, and Tadashi always had another mission waiting for him. Perhaps in another lifetime, they would've never even met each other.

But in this one, they did. And Gaara refused to let go— not because of any monster whispering at the back of his mind, but because Gaara _loved_ Tadashi. And love meant holding on, even when it seemed like the rest of the world was against them.

Tadashi was his destiny, the one thing in life that he was absolutely guaranteed. So, whatever they were, they would be it together. It was that simple.

"Mm…" Tadashi made a small sound of discontent, his eyes fluttering open. He sleepily moved closer to Gaara, nuzzling against him. "Why are you awake? You're gonna have to leave pretty early in the morning, remember?"

"I remember," Gaara murmured, slowly running his hand through Tadashi's hair. "That's why I'm awake. I want to have this last moment of piece before I go."

"'S stupid," he accused, scowling vaguely in his companion's direction, too exhausted to work up any real indignation. "You need to rest."

"I will," Gaara said, and he honestly meant it, but that apparently wasn't enough. Tadashi reached up to drag him down, nestling closer in an almost aggressive way. Gaara could only find it adorable, but he knew better than to say that out loud.

"Sleep," Tadashi commanded. He looked about ready to pass out, but he was still trying to act imposing. This time, Gaara couldn't hold back the low laugh that escaped him, even when Tadashi whined irritably in response.

"Alright, I'm sleeping," Gaara assured him, smiling a little when Tadashi almost immediately dropped off to sleep after all of his protests.

He couldn't help marveling about how well they fit together. Tadashi was a few inches taller than him, (even though his posture was so awful that no one could usually tell) but it didn't matter. In their bed, Tadashi was often curled up and napping, draping himself over Gaara whenever he had the chance.

It was better than anything that Gaara had ever imagined— it was _perfect_.

 _I refuse to lose this_ , Gaara thought to himself, his possessive grip on his soulmate tightening just a touch. _I won't lose you._

(|||)

The next morning had a somber air as everyone went ahead with their tasks. The three Sand Siblings had already left, and the village felt their absence keenly.

But no one felt it more than Tadashi, who was understandably awkward wandering around the Kazekage's mansion by himself. He didn't have much time to dwell on it, thankfully, as he had to pack up and depart soon as well.

He hadn't technically received any orders yet, but he knew how to read in-between the lines. Tadashi had a duty, as a shinobi of Konohagakure. And he would answer, as always.

Things hadn't come to a head quite yet, however. After a quick report in, once he'd arrived back at the village, he'd been allowed to return home and prepare. No one had said what he should be preparing for, but that was likely only because no one needed to. The tension surrounding the Hokage tower had been thick and choking.

War was on the horizon, and soon they would be forced to meet it.

So for now, Tadashi went home. It was a strange comfort to open the still-creaking door, stepping into a house that had never changed in all the years that he had been living there. His father was in the kitchen, frowning at a scroll that he had propped up on the table.

He looked up when Tadashi entered the room, giving his son a wry smile. "I figured that you would be called back early. The Kazekage receive the summoning?"

"Yes, he left right before sunrise," Tadashi nodded, ignoring the way that his father still refused to use Gaara's name.

Tadashi had a clever quip on the tip of his tongue, a joke about the world's longest 'walk of shame', but at the muted stress on his father's face, it died a quiet death.

He stepped forward, sitting down and scooting his chair over so that he could rest his head on his father's shoulder. Ensui let out a shuddered sigh at that, pulling him into a one-armed hug.

There was nothing funny about this. For all that Tadashi wished he could force himself to struggle through their normal routine, break out with some nice banter, it just wouldn't come. All that he had known, all that he had grown to love and care for— it could all disappear, someday. Maybe even someday soon. There was nothing quip-worthy about that.

"Dad..." Tadashi broke the silence, the careful balance in the air diminishing without protest. "Is there really going to be a war?"

Ensui was silent for a long moment, because he had never once lied to Tadashi, not even in the times when he most wanted to.

"…Yeah. Seems that way, at least."

"And we'll be fighting."

"Of course."

Tadashi thought back, for a second, to a time before all of this, when he had lived a simple life and never worried about a thing. But, he'd been unhappy in that life, hadn't he? He'd been angry and miserable, and then he'd died. So maybe this life was better after all.

"Mind helping me refill my pack? I'll probably need some more flashbombs."

At that, Ensui smiled. "No problem, kid."


	24. finis vitae sed non amoris

["finis vitae sed non amoris"- _the end of life, but not of love_ ]

* * *

The Fourth Shinobi World War was coming, and everyone had decided to put aside their differences in order to face this new threat. With Tobi— Madara? having declared war, it was too late to try and figure a way out of it.

Tadashi's blood had boiled when he'd first read the report. The description of the masked man had matched his memories of that incident in the old Akatsuki hideout— the orange mask, the strange teleporting ability, that _irritating personality_. It all fit.

Mostly, Tadashi was annoyed at the reminder, but he also found himself a bit curious. Why had Tobi allowed him to live? There was nothing to gain from it. But at the same time, Tadashi could admit that his death wouldn't have gained anyone much profit either. Perhaps he'd just decided that it wasn't worth it.

Well, regardless of the whimsical choices of a madman, Tadashi was still alive. And since he was alive, he would fight. As a shinobi of Konohagakure, and a member of the Shinobi Alliance, he would fight to help bring peace to this world.

It was a bit funny, however, that they had to fight a war in order to bring peace. That irony was something that was familiar to Tadashi, at least— there had been no shortage of war in his past life, and it had always been in the name of peace.

(|||)

He listened carefully as Shikaku gave his speech, telling everyone what their roles would be and what was expected of them. As Tadashi had suspected, he'd been assigned to stay at their main headquarters as part of the Intelligence division, alongside his Uncle. He'd likely be sent out on a few quick runs, but he had to face the facts— he wasn't strong enough to be on the front lines.

Tadashi had always known that, had _trained_ with that thought in mind, but it still hurt.

"Genma-san…" he nodded in greeting, approaching the older jōnin after their briefing was done. "I suppose that you and Raidō-san will be leaving to the front soon?"

"Yep, got it in one," Genma sighed, flipping a senbon through his fingers in an attempt to keep his mind occupied. "Shit's about to get real, kid. I don't envy you, having to stay back here."

Tadashi blinked, a bit surprised. "Really? I was about to say the same to you."

But Genma shook his head, a wry smile on his face. "Nah. Killing is easy. Especially if it's just some kinda clone monstrosity like the reports are saying. But hanging around here, having to give out orders that could end up in the death of a comrade… Look, there's a reason that people say being a strategist is hard. Once you're out on the _field_ , you can lose yourself and just _go_. You can't afford to do that as a strategist. It's hard. And it only gets harder. But that's why you're here. To make sure that the rest of us come home."

It wasn't that simple. Nothing ever is. But those words still lifted Tadashi's spirits. It was nice to have some confirmation that he was actually useful. Even if it involved such a morbid topic.

"Thanks, Genma-san," Tadashi said softly. His hands twitched by his sides— Tadashi wanted to give him a hug, but he wasn't sure that it would be appropriate. They were about to head into a major battle, and this might be the last time he would see Genma, after all.

Genma must have noticed his indecision, because he huffed lightly, and drew Tadashi into a hug. Tadashi returned the embrace, holding onto the man who had been one of his greatest mentors.

"Stay safe, kid," Genma ordered after they separated.

"I trust that you will do the same," Tadashi returned, something almost resembling a smile on his face. "And tell Raidō-san that as well."

"Not a problem."

Watching him walk away felt like one of the most difficult things that Tadashi had ever done. All of his other goodbyes had been done beforehand, when nothing had really started yet. Now, the battle was on and people were going to _die_.

And there would be no magical, last-minute revivals this time.

(|||)

Tension was high, and the first day seemed to pass in a blur. Tadashi had yet to leave headquarters, but the reports coming in were more than enough to keep him occupied.

Zombies. Fucking _zombies_. What kind of horror movie bullshit was this?

And to find out that Kabuto was the one behind all of it… Fucking hell, that had been about the last thing that he'd expected. Sure, he'd known that Kabuto had been working for Orochimaru, but this just seemed ridiculous.

Now, late into the second day, Tadashi barely had time to scarf down some quick rations before he was back on his feet. Coordinating attacks took a hell of a lot of effort, and Tadashi didn't even have the energy to worry about Gaara out on the field, let alone anything else.

But still, he found himself feeling more high-strung than ever. There was a weird pressure to the air, some dark energy making him restless. It was almost as if—

"They've done it! _Those crazy bastards have restored the Ten-Tails!"_

As the cry went out, the office exploded into activity, Tadashi rushing alongside them as they tried to figure out the best way to handle this. Shikaku was barking out orders, and Tadashi ended up alongside him as they worked out where to send the remaining troops. The Fourth Division had been hit heavily in the previous day, they would need more backup.

"Who else is nearby—"

"—Naruto—"

"—could send Gai—"

"—all available divisions, I repeat, all available divisions please head to—"

"At least Killer B is already—"

"—we need to work quickly, come on!"

Tadashi bit his lip, looking over the map where the divisions were posted. "They're doing everything that they can, but as long as the Ten-Tails is still connected to Madara, there's nothing we can do."

Shikaku nodded, face set in a grim expression. "I know. But there's a way to separate them."

"Shit, let's go report it then!" Tadashi said excitedly, jumping to his feet.

"The Ten-Tails is shooting off a ton of attacks, I can see it from here!" Inoichi exclaimed, drawing everyone's attention to the bay window. Tadashi looked over as well, barely able to see the fearsome beast from such a distance.

"Wait… Where is it aiming?" he said slowly, something dawning in the back of his mind.

 _"IT'S AIMING FOR HEADQUARTERS!"_

Pandemonium broke out as people began evacuating, trying to escape before the Beast Bomb could destroy the building.

"Uncle, we need to go!" Tadashi called out, seeing that Shikaku hadn't moved.

But the man stayed, resolute, and shook his head.

"There's nothing we can do," he said calmly. "We might as well continue to fulfill our duties until the very end."

There was a strained silence, as the remaining shinobi took in his words. Then, slowly, steadily, people returned to their posts. The panic died down, and there was a strange sort of resolution on everyone's faces.

Tadashi wondered if the same expression was on his face as well. Shikaku was right, even if he hated to admit it. They would never be able to get out of the blast zone in time. As proud shinobi, they had to continue with their duties.

"Tadashi, bring up the video feed," Shikaku said, the scars on his face becoming more pronounced with his scowl. "I have a plan, and we need to tell Shikamaru now."

Before it's too late.

(|||)

Shikamaru wiped a hand on his dirt-streaked forehead, likely not doing anything except smearing the blood around. God, this was the fucking worst. He'd thought that Pein's invasion of Konoha had been bad— this war was on a whole other level.

"Shika, call for you!" Ino called out, exhaustion clear on her face. She'd only just returned from the front lines, as she'd been forced to retreat when the Ten-Tails had become active. "It's your father!"

He cursed, heading over quickly. "I'm here, what's up?"

"I know how to sever the Uchiha's control over the Ten-Tails," his father went right in, wasting no time on pleasantries. But even as he went over the plan, Shikamaru found his attention wandering.

There was almost no sound in the background of his father's feed, no people scurrying around behind the scenes. Tadashi was standing there as well, and he had a strange expression on his face— nothing that Shikamaru had ever seen before.

"Shikamaru." His attention snapped back, straightening in his chair as he paid his father his full attention.

"Got it. I'll send out the word immediately."

Shikaku smiled, and something about it instantly put Shikamaru on edge.

"Father…?"

"Tell your mother that I love her," he instructed, and the almost gentle quality to his voice was entirely new.

Shikamaru stood abruptly, and behind him, Ino sucked in a sharp breath. "What are you saying? Wait and tell her yourself!"

Shikaku merely stared at him for a moment, as if memorizing his features. Then he cut the feed without another word.

"What the fuck, someone get that back!" Shikamaru demanded, fear rushing through his veins. Shit, shit, _shit_ , not again, _please_.

A moment later, there was a huge explosion. Several people in their area screamed in surprise, but it seemed that they hadn't been the target.

"What was that?" Ino demanded, eyes wide with some realization that Shikamaru was fervently denying.

"It was headquarters," one of the others reported, an almost numbing quality to the words. "It's been completely obliterated."

Somewhere deep inside of him, in a place that nothing else had ever managed to reach, Shikamaru felt something crack.


	25. dolor hic tibi proderit olim

["dolor hic tibi proderit olim"- _someday this pain will be useful to you_ ]

* * *

"Good, you're awake."

Tadashi groaned, eyes fluttering open. He didn't feel awake. It felt more like he'd been hit by a bus.

"W-What happened?" he managed to croak out, lips cracked and covered in blood.

He didn't recognize the medic attending to him, but that didn't mean much— shinobi from all over the world were working together in this alliance, after all. But they handed him a glass of water to sip from, so he couldn't really care less where they were from.

"We managed to recover you from the ruins of the building," they reported, helping him to sit up in the little cot he was laying on.

That sent off a myriad of memories in his brain as he struggled to remember. "Anyone else? What happened to Uncle—"

"Nara Shikaku has been recovered," the medic interrupted, and they spoke in a hurry, as if trying to stop him from thinking about it too much. "You just concentrate on resting and getting better. The war is coming to a head. Things are going to end soon, for better or for worse."

"Wow, that's comforting," Tadashi chuckled exhaustively. He felt like he should be questioning this more, but he was so _tired_.

"Just sleep," the medic said, their face becoming blurry as Tadashi lost himself.

 _Why_ … he thought, one last second before he fell into unconsciousness. _Why is my body so numb?_

(|||)

The next time he woke up, it was to about the last person he had ever expected to see.

"…Kabuto?" Tadashi said in disbelief, eyeing his former teammate who had an almost sheepish expression on his face. " _What the fuck_. Am I hallucinating?"

"Not to my knowledge," Kabuto said, reaching up to adjust his glasses in a move that was so familiar, Tadashi could almost imagine that he was twelve-years old again.

"Then why are you here?"

Kabuto smiled thinly. "I'm under arrest. This is just where they put me."

"They put you in with the injured people?" Tadashi would have facepalmed if he'd had the strength. " _Why?_ In what world would that be a good idea?"

"I _am_ a medic, you know," Kabuto said mildly.

"The last time I saw you, I got my stomach punctured. Forgive me if I don't feel comfortable having you around when I'm in a weakened state," Tadashi retorted, tone as dry as the desert his soulmate ruled.

"Mm, fair enough," Kabuto acknowledged. He still didn't give an explanation, and Tadashi didn't really care that much. He figured that if Kabuto was in the medic tent with him, it was for a good reason.

After that little spat, the two were left in silence. How many years had it been? How much had changed for them, in that time?

"I'd heard that you met your soulmate," Kabuto said, gesturing to his covered wrist. "Are you… fond of him?"

Tadashi gave him a sidelong glance. Kabuto had always been weird about the topic of soulmates— and coming from Tadashi, _that_ was saying something.

"I suppose that's one way to put it," he said, fighting to keep his voice neutral. Whatever Kabuto was after, he wasn't going to get it.

"I'm glad." Though his voice was quiet, it seemed sincere.

Hm, and Tadashi thought that he'd been through with surprises for today.

"Why?" he blurted out, taking a moment to jerkily sit up. Kabuto reached forward, almost as if he was going to help, but Tadashi shied away. "Why do you care? I don't even _know_ you!"

Kabuto flinched back, something hurt crossing his face, and Tadashi forcibly stamped down on the flash of guilt. This had all been boiling up inside of him for years, and it was about time he got the chance to say it.

"Whoever you were when we were teammates, it wasn't the real you. So why do you _care?_ The person that you are right now doesn't know me."

Tadashi finished his little rant, panting from exertion. God, he was still so weak. Then, to his ultimate surprise, Kabuto began laughing.

"The person I am now doesn't know much of anything," he said, laughter still spilling uncontrollably from his lips. "Yakushi Kabuto… Who is that? Even I don't know. I guess that's why I'm still here. Why they let me live."

"They?" Tadashi asked, curious despite himself.

"Sasuke and Itachi." Kabuto moved to sit a bit more comfortably in his chair, making Tadashi realize for the first time that he wasn't lying in one of the beds— Kabuto was next to him, staring down from his chair with that same placid expression as always. "They were the ones that fought against me. That defeated me. My resurrections are gone. All the souls have returned to the afterlife, where they should be."

"Kabuto…" Tadashi murmured. " _Why?_ "

It was an entirely different question than before, and Kabuto knew it.

"You love your soulmate," Kabuto said, and Tadashi envied his confidence, the way he stated it like it was just a simple fact. "I love mine. But I was never enough for him. Never, ever enough."

Against his will, Tadashi's heart clenched. Wasn't this the one thing that he had always been afraid of? Wasn't this the thing that still held him back, even now?

"I just wanted to be _better_." The tired expression on Kabuto's face was something that Tadashi found himself relating to all too well. "I wanted to be perfect, for him. And for myself."

"Nobody can be perfect," Tadashi said quietly.

"No." And here, Kabuto smiled. "But people have always told us that we have to be. That's the nature of soulmates, isn't it? Being _perfect_ , being exactly what your partner needs?"

"That's not how loving someone works," Tadashi argued. It was strange, having this discussion. It felt almost like he was fighting against a past version of himself. "That's not how being _human_ works. Perfection is impossible. To be human is to improve. And to love someone, you have to keep ahold of yourself, of what made them love you in the first place."

"Wouldn't it be nice, if other people thought this way?" And just like that, Kabuto leaned back with his serene smile fixed firmly in place, as if that almost intimate moment had never happened. "Just imagine how much suffering could be abated in this world, if we were allowed to be a little bit more human."

Frustration welling up, Tadashi turned away. His anger mixed with his exhaustion, settling down into a mix that burned straight through to his bones.

"Being human isn't easy." He would know. He'd spent two lifetimes now, being painfully, achingly, _desperately_ human.

"I know." In that moment, Kabuto's voice sounded almost gentle. Tadashi didn't want to hear it. He didn't want to sympathize with this traitor, with the person who'd left such deep scars on him— mental and physical.

He attempted to curl in on himself, but the shooting pain stopped him from making any progress. He let out a strangled yelp, moving to face Kabuto once more.

"You're right about one thing— you _are_ a medic. So, tell me— _what's wrong with my leg?_ "

(|||)

"I'm glad to see that you're awake," Hana said, the worry lines on her face relaxing somewhat. Kabuto was off to the corner, nursing a broken nose. She had not been happy to see him, and honestly would've done worse if she'd thought that she could get away with it. "Are you alright?"

Tadashi didn't respond, staring ahead like he hadn't even acknowledged her presence.

Hana waved her hand in front of his face, frowning in concern. "Hello? Anybody in there?"

Tadashi's attention snapped to her, abruptly, and she had to resist a flinch at the numbness in his eyes.

"Oh, hello Hana," he said, as if this was just another day at the village. "Is the conflict over, then?"

"…Madara has been defeated," she said slowly, unsure of what was going on exactly. "The masked man is apparently Uchiha Obito, Kakashi's old teammate. He was alive when I last saw him, but his chances didn't seem great. Sakura-chan was working on him. Apparently, Naruto-kun insisted."

"Oh, is that so?" Tadashi mused, voice still eerily casual. "I know that he has a kind heart, but that seems like a little much, doesn't it?"

"I think Obito is Naruto's soulmate," Hana confided, but she immediately regretted it, seeing the way Tadashi's expression darkened.

"I see."

Hana wavered, unsure of what to say, what to do. For all that he was a generally uncomplicated person, she'd always had trouble reading Tadashi's intentions. "Is… is something wrong?"

"No," he said dully, "nothing's wrong. Have you heard anything about Shikaku and the others? No one will tell me anything."

She blinked at the abrupt change of topic, but then his words registered and she internally panicked.

"Um, no one told you? W-Well… Shikaku-san, he…"

"So he is dead." The way Tadashi said it, he could have been commenting on the weather. "I'd thought so. Otherwise they wouldn't have tried to hide it nearly as much. How did I survive, then? I would have been right next to him when the explosion happened."

"I-I haven't read the official report," Hana said numbly, already able to tell where this was going. "But from what I heard, he shielded you at the last second."

There was a long silence.

" _Ha_. Figures."

Hana looked up, staring at her teammate. There was tears streaming down his face.

"Oh, Tadashi…" she whispered, embracing him as if in the hope that she could protect him from all the monsters in his heart.

"My leg, Hana," he muttered, voice choked as he latched onto her desperately— he held her, in that moment, like she was the only thing that was keeping him from flying apart. " _I can't feel my leg._ "

Hana closed her eyes and hugged him tighter, wishing that heartbreak and loss was something that could be defeated as easily as a war.


	26. mortui vivos docent

["mortui vivos docent"- _the dead teach the living_ ]

* * *

Kiba hovered by the entrance to the tent, cursing his hesitation. _Dammit_ , if only he could just—

But he couldn't. Kiba reached down, curling his fingers in Akamaru's fur to try and find comfort. No matter what he tried, he couldn't get that image out of his mind. All of those bodies, strewn like broken dolls amongst the rubble... It was a sight that would haunt him forever. And finding Tadashi's body, digging through fallen stone with his bare hands to try and recover the man that had somehow become his friend—

Abruptly, he realized that he was shaking. Letting out a huff, he roughly sat down, digging his free hand into the cracked earth. He was a _shinobi_. Shouldn't he be over this by now?

"You are allowed to grieve," Shino said matter-of-factly, coming up from behind him on silent feet. As usual, the only reason that Kiba had even known he was approaching was because of the slight rustling of his coat.

"Why?" Kiba demanded, clenching his fists. He knew that Shino was just trying to help, he knew that it wasn't fair to take his anger out on him, he _knew_ that, but— "Shouldn't I be _better_ than this?"

But there were tears streaming down his face, and he felt so pathetic and weak.

For a moment, Shino said nothing, and then sat down next to him. They were close enough for their shoulders to touch, and Kiba reveled in the contact even as he wanted to shy away.

" _Better_ has nothing to do with it," Shino stated firmly, a slight frown visible on his face. "You are human. If you don't grieve, you will not be able to acknowledge what their sacrifice has given us."

"What did it give us?" Kiba demanded, mind full of the faces of people he'd once known, people he'd fought alongside for so many years, all gone within the course of three days. He thought of Tadashi, always fighting, always _sacrificing_ , and steadily becoming sadder and sadder as time went on. "What could we possibly have to gain from their deaths?"

"Time." Shino shifted slightly, leaning against Kiba just that little bit more in silent comfort. "By fighting for us, they are fighting for the future. They believed in a future in which we could all live in peace. Through their sacrifice, we may finally be able to reach it."

 _So that's the will of fire, huh?_

Kiba almost wanted to laugh, but a sob came out instead. He grabbed Shino in a desperate hug, needing something and not sure what. For once, Shino didn't protest or make some smart-ass comment. He stayed still, allowing Kiba to regain his composure.

It took a moment, but Kiba pulled away, wiping his eyes.

"Thanks, bro," he rasped, scrubbing at the tear marks on his face and giving his companion a watery smile.

"Not a problem." Shino turned away slightly, adjusting his glasses in an attempt to hide his embarrassment at such a sincere comment.

He couldn't fool Kiba, though, and the teen smiled again, a happier one this time. Shino was right. They were _alive_. And now, they had a duty to fulfill to all of the people who helped them get here.

The tent flap opened unexpectedly, and Hana exited, dragging Kabuto with her.

"Oh," she blinked in surprise upon seeing the two of them sitting there. "You two here to see Tadashi as well?"

"Yes, we thought it would be a nice gesture," Shino answered, mercifully not mentioning how Kiba had been pacing outside for almost an hour now, debating whether or not to go in.

"Well, he just fell asleep, actually, so you might want to come back later instead."

"Oh, okay." Kiba tried to quell the surge of relief that emerged at that knowledge. He would still have to see Tadashi, talk to him about what happened. Kiba owed it to him— after all, he and Akamaru had been the ones to find him in the rubble of Headquarters.

"We'll do that then," Shino said. Kiba caught what he was implying, and was incredibly grateful. He didn't want to do this alone. "In the meantime, why don't we—"

"Well, look at that; the whole party's here!" A new voice interrupted, and it was one that Kiba knew intimately.

He sprung to his feet, stepping forward eagerly. God, he'd missed this. Missed _him_. "Kankurō, what are you going here?"

Kankurō smiled, grabbing Kiba's hand and squeezing it gently. "I'm here with this guy, to make sure that nobody tries to accost him with jobs to do."

He gestured to Gaara, who quickly walked around him and entered the tent, not even acknowledging anyone else's presence.

"Ah, wait—" Hana tried to call out, but she was unable to stop him before he went in. " _Fuck_."

"Gaara won't care if he's asleep," Kankurō shrugged. "He'll just hang out and wait until Tadashi wakes up again."

"It's not that..." Hana said, sounding a little nervous. "It's just— Ensui is in there too. He came in a little while ago."

Kiba felt a little shiver shoot up his spine as he and the others exchanged a panicked look.

"What's wrong with that?" Kankurō questioned, seeming a bit confused. "Who's Ensui?"

"Nara Ensui, Tadashi's father," Kiba said, biting his lip. Everyone knew about Ensui's opinion of his son's soulmate— he didn't exactly try to hide it.

"Oh." Kankuro's eyes widened, having quickly made the connection. "Oh, _shit_."

(|||)

Ensui slowly ran his hand through his son's hair, petting him gently. Even in sleep, Tadashi leaned into it, expression smoothing out somewhat.

He was reminded of the last time he'd really done this, when Tadashi was just a child, still in the academy. Tadashi had always been wary, always unsure of how much affection he could ask for. Things may not have been perfect back then, but they had most certainly been simpler. No wars, no scars, no _soulmates_.

And speaking of...

Sabaku no Gaara came to stand next to him, staring down at Tadashi with an unreadable expression. He didn't seem to like what he was seeing.

Ensui wanted to scream, wanted to shake this stupid boy and _force_ him to know how lucky he was, how _honored_ he should feel to have Tadashi as his soulmate. Wanted to tell him how much Tadashi had suffered for his sake, all the pain and humiliation he'd had to endure.

It wasn't fair. None of this was fucking _fair_.

Ensui's soulmate had been one of his genin teammates. They'd met when they first got to the Academy, and had gotten on splendidly ever since. She was brilliant and strong, always there to pick up the pieces of whatever mess he'd made this time. Ensui had loved her, but he hadn't been _in_ love with her.

And that was _fine_. Despite the popular opinion, 'soulmate' didn't automatically translate to true love. It just meant that this person would be important to you, this is the person that you can count on, confide in. This person will understand you more than anyone else in the world, anyone else in existence.

He'd _had_ that with her. Then she'd left on a mission, right at the beginning of that damn war, and didn't come back. There was no body. Only the dimming of his compass had told him of her passing.

And that— _that wasn't fair!_ Ensui hated the feeling of hopelessness the sight of his compass gave him, and he hated that his son had suffered from that as well.

(Some hidden part of him had hoped that his son wouldn't have a soulmate at all. Or that his soulmate would die shortly after they met, not allowing them to make any kind of deep connection. Ensui didn't want his son to suffer in the same way that he did.)

Maybe that's why he said it. Maybe that pain and hopelessness was what drove him to open his mouth and spit out those spiteful words.

"He's got some pretty bad nerve damage from the incident. They're not sure how much mobility he's going to get back in his legs. He might end up being paralyzed."

The tone was casual, but they could both read in between the lines. Ensui regretted it the moment he said it, but by that point it was too late to take it back.

 _He's broken, now. Will you still want him? Do you want him, now that he has nothing left to give you?_

"He's my soulmate," Gaara said, in that rumbling voice of his. He wasn't quite glaring at Ensui, but it was close enough. "I will always love him, no matter what may change."

Ensui clenched his eyes shut, as if bracing for a blow.

(" _Don't be stupid,_ " he'd scoffed, when she'd asked him about his opinion on the new set of scars decorating her face. " _I'll always love you, no matter what happens._ ")

"Okay," Ensui replied. There was something deeper there than Gaara could probably recognize, a surrender and a promise all wrapped up in a single word. "I'll hold you to that, then."

And so, they sat there, and waited for Tadashi to wake up.


	27. nil volentibus arduum

["nil volentibus arduum"- _nothing is impossible for the willing_ ]

* * *

Temari's hand was resting gently against the back of his neck, but Shikamaru still couldn't bring himself to react. He wasn't sure what to think, really.

Tadashi was alive. But only because of his father's sacrifice. Shikaku might have lived, if he hadn't purposely shielded him. Or maybe they _both_ would have died. He just didn't know.

"Do you want to go visit him?" Temari murmured, reminding him of her presence. "Gaara and Kankurō went over there a little while ago. I'll cover for you, if you want."

"No!" he said quickly, _too_ quickly— Shikamaru instantly tried to cover up his uncharacteristic vehemence, but he knew that it was too late. "I mean, if Gaara is there, they probably want some time alone, right?"

Temari studied him shrewdly, able to easily see through that flimsy excuse. "Uh-huh. I'm sure. After all, it's not like you're Tadashi's _favorite person_ in the whole world or anything. Y'know, the one person that he would _never_ turn away, no matter what. The person that he always goes out of his way to—"

"Okay, I get it!" Shikamaru snapped, standing up and roughly pulling away from her. "Will you just leave it alone? I'm not going."

"It's not his fault that your father died," Temari stated, staring at him seriously as she ignored all social conventions that said do not talk about this right now.

"You think I don't _know_ that?!" He felt like he was about ready to tear his hair out in frustration. "I _do!_ My dad is an independent person capable of making his own decisions, Tadashi didn't ask him to do anything like that, I know! But that doesn't change the fact that my dad is _dead_ , my mother's a widow, and I can't _do_ anything about it! There's nothing left. No last-second miracles, no brilliant plans to pull out of my ass. _I don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore_."

All throughout his rant, Temari's expression didn't change.

"Maybe you're not supposed to."

Now that statement made him lose a lot of steam.

"I... _what?_ "

It was only when he turned to her, truly confused, that she allowed her expression to soften.

"This isn't something that you could have ever planned for. No one expected this to happen. And yeah, get angry, be fucking _pissed_ at the world for taking him away from you, but don't let that drive you away from the people that you have left." Temari reached out, cradling his cheeks.

As Shikamaru looked into his soulmate's eyes, he suddenly remembered that she had lost her mother, as a child. And he remembered all the damage that it had done to their family, that the three siblings were still picking up the pieces even now.

He closed his eyes, trying to keep the tears at bay. Leaning forwards, he let his head rest on her shoulder, not even protesting when she moved them into a sitting position.

Belatedly, he recognized the familiarity of the situation.

" _It's impossible to put a measuring system on human suffering_."

When Tadashi had said that to him, in the wake of Asuma's death, he hadn't quite believed it. But now, with that last image of his father's accepting face still fresh in this mind, Shikamaru thought that he could finally understand.

"Tomorrow," he said hoarsely, voice thick with the emotions clogging his heart. "I'll go see him tomorrow."

(|||)

Hinata walked briskly through the camp. She knew that she looked like a complete mess— all puffy-eyed and still wearing the same dirty clothes from the final battle, but for once in her life, she didn't care.

Neji was gone. Her cousin, who had given so much for her and never asked for anything in return, was _gone_. Gone, for the sake of a madman's dream.

(She had long admired Uzumaki Naruto— his determination and sunny attitude had always been something that she looked to as an example, as the kind of person that she wanted to be. But Uchiha Obito— the man who might as well have _murdered her cousin_ , was still alive thanks to Naruto's insistence. And for all that Hinata admired his kind nature, _she would never forgive him for that._ )

But for now, she had done her mourning. She would weep for her fallen cousin for the rest of her life, so right now, Hinata was going to concentrate on the living.

She wasn't sure what condition Tadashi was in, only that he was alive. After the destruction of headquarters, she'd been so afraid, but he was _alive_. That was one bright spot, and Hinata was determined to take advantage of it.

"—oh, will you stop bitching already? Your precious Sasuke is fine, he's just off trying to stick his dick in fox-boy, like usual—"

"You shut your dirty mouth, Suigetsu, I don't want to hear that kind of vile comment!"

Almost without her conscious will, Hinata activated her byakugan and trained her eyes on the arguing couple, still somewhat keyed up from the events of the past few days.

A white-haired male, shark teeth, origin most likely Kirigakure. Red-haired female, glasses, some very curious scars, origin possibly Kirigakure based on her familiar interactions with the male?

It seemed that they were arguing about Uchiha Sasuke, but that was none of her concern. Hinata dismissed them, ready to move on and head to the medical tent, when her wrist began to burn.

Bewildered, she stopped in her tracks. Was this—?

Her byakugan still activated, she saw the redhead freeze out of the corner of her eye. Hinata turned in her direction, some kind of desperate hope bubbling up inside of her.

"Karin, what is it—"

"It's nothing!" Karin snapped. She readjusted her glasses, acting as if she hadn't noticed Hinata standing not even five feet away. "Nothing."

Hinata didn't move. The male, Suigetsu, shot her a confused look as the two passed her by, but Hinata didn't react. All she could think about was the golden compass shining newly on her wrist, and her soulmate steadily getting farther away.

Without having even made a conscious decision, she sprinted away, her feet taking her to the medical tent where Tadashi was residing. Hinata burst in, making a beeline for him and not even acknowledging the Kazekage sitting in a chair by his bed.

"I met my soulmate!" she blurted out, eyes blurry with incoming tears. "I met my soulmate and she _fucking walked away!_ "

There was a ringing silence after her outburst, Tadashi blinking in surprise at both her sudden appearance and the new information. He and Gaara shared a quick look, and the other man stood to leave.

Her indignation deserting her, Hinata felt herself flush in embarrassment. "Oh no, you don't have to go, I'm so sorry about this—"

"Hinata," Tadashi interrupted gently, that same softly-amused expression on his face as always. "It's alright. He's just going to go wait outside for a moment. I want to be able to give you my full attention."

Unable to find a way to counter that without seeming rude, Hinata nodded meekly, settling down in the abandoned chair.

"Now, would you mind elaborating a bit?" Tadashi said patiently, allowing her to gather her bearings.

Not for the first time, Hinata wished that Tadashi was her soulmate. It felt awful and selfish, especially with Gaara standing right outside, but Tadashi had always been so _kind_ to her. Ever since that first day, he had inspired her to be her best self, had made her _want_ to be that way. If there was one person in this life that Hinata thought she could love unconditionally, it would be Nara Tadashi.

Growing up, she'd never had many friends. Even once she had her genin team, Kiba and Shino already had their own strict dynamic that was difficult for her to find a place in. On some days, training and spending time with Tadashi was the only comfort she had.

And _god_ , did she feel awful about it. Sometimes Hinata thought that she might be using him, that she was taking advantage of his kindness. But he never turned her away, never told her to leave. So she loved him, desperately and futilely, even knowing that he could never accept her feelings.

 _Love hurts_ , she remembered him saying to her one day, on their way back from a mission. He'd been talking about Gaara, and she _knew_ that, but Hinata couldn't help relating anyways. _Love hurts, but that's how you know it's real._

Hinata wasn't even sure what her love for Tadashi was —if it was the result of the deep admiration and respect that she held for him, or the grasping hand of a scared little girl— but...

She did know that she could trust him. That Tadashi had never once steered her wrong before. Hinata could trust him with this.

And so, to Tadashi's welcoming expression, she told him everything. The event itself, and the pain it had brought her. When she finished explaining, he took on a thoughtful expression.

"Well, my head's not on exactly right at the moment, but I think I have a suggestion," he said slowly. Hinata felt a stab of guilt— she was supposed to be here to see how he was recovering, not unloading all of her troubles onto him.

"Please," she whispered. _Let me be selfish._

"All we really know right now, is that your compass has turned, and your soulmate seems to be avoiding you. Correct?"

"Yes."

"Alright, I can really only think of one option." Tadashi gave her a roguish grin, the kind of expression that usually preceded a lot of explosions. "You're gonna have to pin her down and get an explanation out of her. Hell, I'm sure that your teammates would be happy to assist."

"Do... you really think something like that would work?" Hinata said, trying not to sound too doubtful.

Tadashi's eyes softened, having clearly understood just how much this meant to her. "Look, I'm not gonna pretend that I have all the answers. I don't know why she would be trying to stay away from you. It could be for any number of reasons. But I _do_ know that if you don't ask questions, you don't get answers. Anko tried to run, when she first met Hana. It's only because I managed to trap her with my shadow that we got a confession. So, maybe it's a shitty idea. But it might be the only one you have."

Hinata sat in silence, slowly turning the option over in her mind.

"Or—" and here, his voice became purposely mild, making Hinata look up in alarm, "you could just leave it alone. Don't go after her. That's your decision, and you have every right to make it."

"N-No!" Hinata burst out, shock causing her to raise her voice. The idea had never even crossed her mind! "I know that... t-that maybe I'm not what she wants, or there's some other factor at play here, but I still want to _try_."

Tadashi beamed, pride filling his eyes as he looked at her.

"Sometimes, that's all you can do. So now, _go do it._ I'll still be here when you get back."

Taking in a shuddering breath, Hinata stood. "Thank you, Tadashi."

(It was the first time that she had ever addressed him without a honorific. Hinata might not have noticed, but Tadashi and his widening grin most certainly did.)

"Go raise hell, kid."

Hinata stepped out of the medical tent, the sun on her face and a burning fire in her heart, and took the first step to her future.


	28. et lux in tenebris lucet

["et lux in tenebris lucet"- _and light shines in the darkness_ ]

* * *

Naruto let out a deep sigh, feeling weariness slide into place like an old friend. Damn, was he exhausted. It seemed like there was always one more thing to do, one more person to talk to. And even through all of that, he _still_ hadn't managed to pin down that Uchiha bastard!

And for once, he wasn't actually talking about Sasuke— though he was gonna have to have a serious talk with him too. No, he was talking about Uchiha Obito. The man behind the madness, the one to blame for almost all of the shitty things that had ever happened in Naruto's life. And _also_ , coincidentally, his soulmate.

And that _fucking sucked_. Naruto really didn't know what to think about it. He'd never been the hesitating type, but now he found himself at a loss. Could anyone blame him? This wasn't how he'd thought it would be.

He'd never thought that his soulmate would be someone like Obito— someone who had _given up_. Because despite all of his protests to the contrary, that was clearly what had happened. Obito had lost the person most important to him, and with Madara's hand there to guide him, he fell into a pit of despair that he had never escaped from.

Honestly... Naruto didn't want to deal with that. Was that selfish? Was it bad for him to just want real happiness, for _once_ , that didn't come with any strings attached?

Naruto shook his head, violently wrenching himself out of such depressing thoughts. "Okay! I'll go talk to him, and we'll finally get this all sorted out!"

"Um, who?" Sakura said, a bit of amusement on her face as she ducked out of the way of Naruto's exuberant flailing.

"Ah, Sakura-chan!" he yelped. "Sorry! I didn't notice you were there!"

Sakura huffed lightly, but she didn't try anything else. And that was... weird. Usually she took the opportunity to complain, if nothing else. But when Naruto took a second to get a better look at her, he noticed the dark bags under her eyes, and the worry lines on her face.

"Are... you okay?" he asked hesitantly, wondering if he should be helping her in some way.

She smiled, but she couldn't hide the sadness in her eyes. "Yeah. I'm alright. It's just, Ino... She's still pretty torn up about her dad. And I want to help, but I just don't know _how_. Y'know?"

Naruto bit his lip, feeling a bit guilty. He'd completely forgotten that Inoichi had been killed in the destruction of Headquarters. A lot of top shinobi had died in that explosion— no wonder she was tired and sad.

"Is she gonna be okay?" Naruto said anxiously, fidgeting in place to work off some of the nervous energy that had begun to build.

"I don't know," Sakura said— and that was what Naruto liked about her. Even if it wasn't pretty, even if it wasn't necessarily what he wanted to hear, Sakura never lied to him. "It's impossible to tell right now. The fact that we're still on the battlefield certainly isn't helping, but I don't know how much good it will do to return to Konohagakure. There's gonna be reminders everywhere, no matter where she goes."

"Yeah, that's true," Naruto nodded regretfully. It wasn't gonna be the same for him either. To walk those streets again, knowing that the ghosts of Neji and the others might be walking alongside him... "But she has _you_ , doesn't she? So I think that she'll be okay."

"You certainly have a lot of confidence in me," Sakura laughed, and the expression on her face eased somewhat.

"Well, you love her!" Naruto said easily. It had taken some time to get over his crush on her, but Sakura's enduring insistence on acting as aggressively straight as possible had helped put an end to that. He knew fear when he saw it, and he never wanted to contribute to that.

"She _is_ my soulmate," Sakura said primly, but her smile had softened. She knew what he meant.

See, having a soulmate didn't mean that you were gonna fall in love with them or anything, even if that was often the case. It just meant that they could be good for you, if given the chance.

At that thought, Naruto wilted. He hadn't really been giving Obito a chance, had he?

"Go talk to him," Sakura advised, once more proving that she could read him like a book. "Last time I saw, he was with Kakashi-sensei, at the south fringes of the Konoha encampment."

"Okay," Naruto nodded, more to himself that anything. "Okay."

He could do this. He wanted to do this. And then—

"Hey, Sakura-chan? You wouldn't happen to know where—"

"Sasuke-kun is off with Orochimaru and his little gang," Sakura said, her eyes twinkling with some kind of hidden knowledge. "He's been rather restless, lately. So don't keep him waiting too long, okay?"

When Naruto smiled this time, it was entirely genuine. "Thanks, Sakura-chan."

He wasn't gonna let anything stop him this time— not even himself.

(|||)

"You're doing well," Gaara said, quietly encouraging.

Tadashi felt the urge to snap at him, but managed to rein himself in at the last moment. None of this was Gaara's fault— it would be stupid to get angry with him.

Instead, he concentrated on his movements, shakily making his way across the small tent that he and Gaara occupied. Tadashi had been able to leave the medical tent a few days ago. He really shouldn't have, considering the condition that he was in, but there was more patients that needed attention, and his condition wasn't life threatening. Just _infuriating_.

Gaara hovered almost anxiously by his side, primed and ready to catch Tadashi if he began to waver. Tadashi would protest this, if it hadn't been needed three times already.

"I can _do_ this," he muttered to himself, eyes narrowed in concentration. Taking one faltering step after the other, he slowly made his way to the other side.

When he'd gotten there, he'd broken into a sweat, feeling like he'd just run a marathon. Fucking hell, why was he always so _weak?_

It felt like life was moving too fast for him, he just couldn't keep up. And how many times had this happened to him? How many times had he been left behind, struggling to get on the same level as his peers?

"That was much faster than last time," Gaara said approvingly, gifting Tadashi with a small smile. "You're already improving."

"Doesn't feel like it," Tadashi said miserably, slumping onto the ground with a pained grimace.

Gaara sat down next to him, and then adjusted his position so that he had Tadashi's head laying in his lap. When he began stroking Tadashi's hair, the Nara went completely boneless, feeling a sense of relaxation come over him that had eluded him for days.

"It may seem hard now, but you will only get better with time," Gaara murmured, and his words held a strict confidence in them.

It made Tadashi feel guilty— because he could only imagine that he was letting Gaara down. He _cared_ about Gaara— so much that it fucking _ached_ , and he had no idea how to show it. Kiba and Kankurō had no such issues, Temari and Shikamaru had been dating since for years. Even Hinata was pursuing her soulmate with the kind of determination that Tadashi could only dream of.

Everyone else seemed to know what they were doing. And he was left like _this_.

"I'm not gonna get better at all," he said, barely biting back the poison that wanted to spill from his lips. "No matter how much I work at it, I'm not gonna get back any kind of full mobility. In a best-case scenario, I'll have to walk with a cane for the rest of my life. And no matter how much I improve, my career is over. I'll never be able to work as a sabotage officer like this."

And didn't that fucking _burn_. The one thing that he'd worked on his whole life, the only thing he'd ever been _good_ at, and now it was taken from him.

"That is true," Gaara said honestly, and the blunt admission almost made Tadashi want to laugh. "But just because you can no longer work in sabotage hardly means that you have to give up as a shinobi. There are plenty of other options for you."

To Tadashi's great relief, Gaara didn't try and suggest that he retire, like a number of other people had been hinting. But the knowledge that he had lost his one talent still grated at him.

"I'm good at sabotage," he whispered, something defeated in his tone as he curled further into his soulmate's embrace. "I don't know anything else that I can do."

Gaara studied him for a long moment before answering. "Well, is there anything that you _like_ to do?"

Tadashi blinked in surprise, thrown a little off-guard. No one had ever really asked that before. All he had was his duty to the village— it only made sense to take advantage of his talents in order to do that. His preferences had never been a priority.

At a loss, he shrugged. "I... don't know. I suppose I've never really thought about it."

Gaara frowned, but made no comment on the confusion in his tone, doggedly pressing ahead instead. "Nothing? Isn't there anything that you truly enjoy doing when you're off duty?"

Well, he liked baking. But that wouldn't be a very useful skill for a shinobi, would it? The only other thing that he could really think of, was—

"I like to spend time with people," Tadashi said, the words quiet like a confession. "I like to spend time with _you_. But what am I supposed to do with that?"

Gaara brightened, a triumphant edge to his expression. "Teaching."

Tadashi stared, wide-eyed. "What?"

"You'd be a great teacher," Gaara said, uncharacteristically plowing his way through any of Tadashi's attempts to speak. "They have specialized instruction in Konoha, right? You could be a sabotage teacher. That way, you can still take advantage of the skills that you've learned in a way that would help your village."

Damn, Gaara really knew him too well. He'd hit all of his weak points.

"But, what if—"

"Let's not worry about it right now," Gaara brutally cut him off, killing his complaint before it could really begin to form. "We'll be heading back to our villages in a couple of days. When that happens, take the time you need to recover, and we can talk about this again."

Tadashi nodded mutely, still startled by his sudden passion. But a second later, his thoughts caught up with the rest of what Gaara had said. Returning to the village...

That was going to be interesting, to say the least. He and Shikamaru lived in the same compound after all— someone was going to break, for better or for worse. Shikamaru had tried to speak with him when he was still in the medical tent, but it had been terribly awkward. There was such a conspicuous absence between them, Shikaku's ghost standing in the divide.

But still, Shikamaru had _tried_. And because it was Shikamaru, Tadashi had no doubt that they would find a way to work through this. His cousin— the brat who might as well have been his _brother_ , was hurting and hopeless and _still trying_. It was only right that Tadashi do the same.

"When we go back," Tadashi began, voice as steady as he could manage it, "you'll send me letters again, right?"

Gaara let out a small sound, something that could almost be described as a laugh. "Of course, Tadashi. Always."


	29. ad meliora

["ad meliora"- _towards better things_ ]

* * *

Hana hummed to herself, carefully tucking a couple of kunai away inside her jacket. Today could be a very good day, if all went to plan.

She was going to make _sure_ that it went as she'd planned, even if she had to punch people to do it.

"You going out, sis?" Kiba asked, poking his head curiously into the front entryway where she was standing.

"Yep. Team reunion."

He stared, expression a strange mix of exasperation and incredulousness. "A _team reunion?_ As in, the team including recently recovered traitor Yakushi Kabuto?"

Hana flicked her hand dismissively, waving away his concerns with ease. "Yeah, it'll be fine. His chakra's still sealed off and he's got watchers on his tail twenty-four/seven. You don't have to be worried about me."

"I'm not worried about _you_ ," Kiba muttered. "Considering the damage you did to his face last time, I think we should be a little more concerned about that."

"Oh, you're so _cute_ , little brother!" Hana cooed, reaching out to ruffle his hair on her way out the door. "It almost sounds like you think that you could stop me."

She took pride in the way Kiba shivered, quickly escaping before he could be dragged into another one of her schemes. It was the simple things in life.

Hana stepped outside, taking a moment to bask in the warm sunlight. The air was sweet, a sign of the coming spring. It felt like the whole world was regrowing, healing itself from the damage of winter. It was just the kind of thing that she needed right now, honestly. She could do with a little healing.

Finally done stalling, she made her way out of the compound, hands in her pockets. It felt strange to be walking around without her dogs, but one of the brothers was still in recovery, and they didn't like to be separated. So today, it was just Hana against the world.

Well, not quite. Tadashi would be there, after all, and he was always on her side.

She was gonna need it, especially during _this_ meeting.

Okay, so she hadn't exactly lied to Kiba. Kabuto was constantly being monitored, and his chakra was kept strictly sealed away. But it also wasn't quite as simple as she had implied.

No one really had any idea of what they were supposed to _do_ with him. Quite honestly, his abilities were too useful to have him executed, but he wasn't trusted enough to be reinstated into his previous position. There was no way he would ever work at the hospital again, that's for sure. So then, what was the use? And Kabuto _had_ to be useful. As much as they were mocked for being 'tree-huggers' even now after the war, Konohagakure was the strongest shinobi village for a _reason_. Non-useful assets weren't worth keeping around, and Kabuto wasn't _that_ important. They still had access to Orochimaru after all, and he could all of the same things as Kabuto— except better.

Even as she thought about it now, Hana could feel her heart sinking. Sure, Kabuto was a bastard traitor, but she didn't want him to be executed. He'd been her teammate, had trained with her for _years_ , healed her when she'd done something stupid and scolded her for it in the same breath. She didn't want him to _die_.

So, all she had to do was find a way for him to be useful. She could do that, especially with Tadashi there to help out. And he _would_ , whether he liked it or not.

Mood lifted exponentially, Hana was practically skipping by the time she arrived at the Barbecue place. Proving that his sharp instincts hadn't diminished with his injuries, Tadashi eyed her warily.

"Alright, what's all this about?" he said, settled comfortably in the booth with his crutch leaning against the table. "All you said was to 'come to the usual place, immediately'. So, what's up?"

"Oh, don't be so impatient!" Hana said cheerfully, sitting down across from him. "You'll find out soon enough."

"That's not very comforting," he deadpanned, but Hana just grinned.

"It's gonna be great, don't worry." It seemed like she was saying that a lot lately. She was surrounded by worrywarts.

"No offense, Hana, but I don't think that I believe you—"

"As you shouldn't. She is rather untrustworthy, isn't she?"

Hana could pinpoint the exact moment when Tadashi realized that he'd been played, and his expression went arctic.

"Kabuto," he said, and Hana gave him points for keeping his voice even. "I wasn't expecting to see you here."

"No, I didn't think so," Kabuto replied with his typical mild grin. He slid into the booth next to Hana, showing that he did have some modicum of sense— Tadashi looked about ready to beat Kabuto's head in with his crutch if he tried to sit next to him.

Tadashi turned to face Hana, apparently having decided to ignore Kabuto's presence altogether. "So, what did you want to talk about?"

"This and that, we'll see how the conversation goes," she said breezily, grinning when she heard Kabuto snickering under his breath. This was their favorite game from their genin days— the 'Let's see how long we can irritate Tadashi before he attempts homicide' game.

Unfortunately, by the dark look he was leveling her with, Tadashi didn't seem all that eager to play.

"Get to the point," he said through gritted teeth. "I have better things to be doing."

"Do you really?" Kabuto said amusedly, and he realized his mistake a second too late.

Even if he had just meant it in jest, Tadashi would take that as a reference to his new state of being, a slight against his skills. Hana furtively shifted, feeling a little guilty at the momentary splash of humiliation that went across his face.

"I actually _did_ have something important to talk about," she jumped in, taking the pressure off as Kabuto struggled with how he thought he should respond.

The two stared at her, waiting patiently. _Shit_. She couldn't actually think of what she wanted to say. Sure, she knew that she wanted to address Kabuto's situation, but she had no idea how to bring that up casually.

 _Hey, since Kabuto is probably gonna be killed if he doesn't start being useful, wanna help me think up some bullshit job for him to do?_

Yeah, that would go over well.

After a long moment of awkward waiting, Tadashi finally took pity on her.

"Okay then. Kabuto, what have you been up to?" he said, seeming only a little stiff.

"Nothing much." Kabuto shrugged. "Just waiting to find out what they'll do with me, I suppose."

Hana wanted to scream, wanted to run, wanted to do _anything_ that would get rid of this awful silence.

"Um, me 'n Anko's anniversary is coming up!" she blurted out, searching desperately for something to say.

"Wonderful." Kabuto smiled blandly.

Hana shrank back, sensing that she'd somehow struck a nerve. Kabuto had never liked Anko, and now that she knew of his history with Orochimaru, she couldn't help but wonder if that was part of it.

"That's great, Hana," Tadashi said firmly, giving Kabuto the evil eye and just daring him to disagree. "Do you have anything planned?"

"We were just going to spend the day together, have some time to ourselves. Nothing big," she tried to smile, but she could tell that it didn't come out quite right.

"I think we could all use some of that right now," Tadashi murmured, and he slumped forwards a bit, as if he'd been suddenly drained of all his energy.

Hana didn't like that tired look on his face. She didn't like any of this. Was it too much to ask for, wanting her friends to finally be happy?

"Would either of you happen to know what's going to happen to me?" Kabuto asked, quietly, and she could tell how much it pained him to have to say it. To finally put a voice to his fears.

"You need to find _something_ ," she replied, just as quiet. Across the table, Tadashi regarded them with shrewd eyes. "And you need to do it quick."

"That's what I figured," he said. Hana had never seen Kabuto look quite so defeated before.

"C'mon now, it's not that difficult," Tadashi said, drumming his fingers on the table with impatience. "What's something you're good at? Something that would benefit the village, _without_ it involving any of your freaky science experiments?"

"I don't know," Kabuto said, and it was perhaps the most truthful thing Hana had ever heard come out of his mouth. " _Is_ there anything else?"

At that, Tadashi did about the last thing that she expected— he _smiled_. "That's what I thought too. But... I was recently enlightened that there may be something left for people like us after all. So, how about we put our heads together and try to think outside of the box on this one, okay?"

Hana tried to suppress her growing excitement, but there was no real point. Now, finally, they might be able to make this work.

(|||)

Raidō hovered in front of the restaurant, glancing inside every once in awhile to see how they were doing. He could have just gone inside— Hana had asked him to come, after all, but Genma wasn't here yet, and he honestly didn't think he could do this on his own.

When he'd been asked to help out with a couple of genin, he hadn't thought much about it. Just another mission, another day as a Konoha shinobi— it wasn't like he was _really_ going to be their sensei or anything, he was just an advisor. These were gonna be new genin, he'd thought, no real trouble at all.

And, okay, he hadn't been wrong. All three were mostly self-sufficient, and didn't need much help with their training. Really, he hardly spent any time with them at all.

Which was something he deeply regretted, after everything began to fall apart. Raidō came under some fire, after Kabuto's betrayal had been revealed. He'd been working with the kid for several years, how could he have not _noticed?_ But in the end, since _no one_ had noticed, he got off without a punishment.

Well, an official one at least. He carried the pain with him for a long time. Pain, that came from not seeing the way his genin were suffering. At not understanding the reason behind Kabuto's reclusiveness, Hana's almost overcompensating cheerfulness, Tadashi's near-manic desire to always be _doing_ something, always training, always be _better_ than what he is—

Or. Maybe he didn't _want_ to see.

Lost in his thoughts as he was, he almost didn't notice when Genma dropped down from the roof to stand next to him, shooting his soulmate a cheeky grin.

"Ready?" Genma asked, brushing his hand against Raidō's in silent comfort.

"Ready," Raidō declared, more brave than he really felt as he led them inside. As he approached the table of Team Fifteen, there was an almost warm glow about them, and he felt himself relax.

"Hey kids, got room for us?" Raidō asked, a slight smile on his face.

Hana laughed, brilliant and shining, just as she'd always been. "Of course! It wouldn't be a team reunion if you guys weren't here!"

Genma nudged Tadashi in the side as they sat down, making the Nara huff, but Raidō saw the faint grin on his face. From the other side, Kabuto watched them carefully— but there was something different in his eyes, something almost soft. It was a big change from his genin days, and even though Raidō was ashamed to only be seeing it now...

Well. It was okay. They were going to be okay.


	30. de nobis fabula narratur

["de nobis fabula narratur"- _their story is our story_ ]

* * *

TWELVE YEARS LATER

(|||)

Tadashi blinked blearily at the sunlight shining directly onto his face. Ugh, someone had opened the curtains. In the next second, he realized that the bed felt conspicuously empty.

Damn. His pillow had escaped.

He found Gaara downstairs, preparing breakfast. Tadashi muttered a sleepy 'good morning', laying his cane across his lap, as per usual.

Gaara came over, giving him a gentle kiss.

"Did you sleep well?" he murmured, once they'd finally been able to bring themselves to separate.

"Great," Tadashi grinned, and he knew that the expression was probably a little dopey, but he couldn't bring himself to care. "I mean, why wouldn't it be? You were there."

Yeah. They'd turned into _that_ couple. Cute nicknames, sappy language, plenty of kissing. It was all disgustingly domestic.

Surprisingly, Tadashi didn't mind. He'd never thought that he'd be the kind of person to end up in a relationship like this, but he wasn't complaining. Domesticity suited him— far more than he'd thought it would.

Turns out, all that 'fighting for peace' had come to some kind of useful end after all. Who would've guessed?

"I should leave early today," Tadashi mumbled into his breakfast, still fighting against the last vestiges of sleep. "I accidentally left some worksheets in the house, last time I went to visit my dad. They're not graded yet, so I can't just toss 'em."

"I'll walk you to the transport after we finish eating, then," Gaara said simply.

At that, Tadashi couldn't resist a grin. Gaara always made things seem so straightforward— it was something that he definitely admired in his soulmate.

When they had both finished up their meal (stealing a few kisses along the way, just because they could), Gaara kept his word, escorting Tadashi to the official transport seal outside of the Kazekage office.

As Tadashi climbed up the steps to the platform, he took a moment to look behind him, drinking in the view of weathered buildings and desert sand. Sometimes, he wondered what the past-him would say, if he saw what Tadashi's life had become now. Would he be disgusted? Would his younger self accuse him of having become lazy, complacent?

"Have a good day at work," Gaara called out, waving from the edge of the circle.

Tadashi chuckled, and stepped onto the transportation seal. "Thanks. See you tonight, babe."

Well, in the end, it didn't really matter. This was where he was now. And he actually had something new now, something that he'd never been able to gain in his past life— _happiness_.

That was worth it.

(|||)

Shikadai rolled his eyes, glancing around the compound for an escape from his mother's nagging. Upon noticing Tadashi walking through the gates, he brightened.

"Sure thing, Ma! I'll get to it later!" he called out, racing away before she could respond. She wouldn't try too hard to go after him, anyways. She'd always been soft on Tadashi.

"Using me as a convenient excuse like usual, huh brat?" Tadashi said, but his tone was fond when he reached down to ruffle Shikadai's hair.

"Of course not, Uncle!" Shikadai lied shamelessly. "I just came over to ask how you were doing. Did you have a good time at Uncle Gaara's?"

Tadashi gave him an amused look. "Yes, thank you. Just like I do _every_ day, as you well know. Especially seeing as you spend nearly as much time there as I do."

"Uncle Gaara has a cool house," Shikadai shrugged. "It has lots of space."

"Lots of places to nap in, you mean."

Shikadai gave him an innocent look, but the older Nara wasn't fooled.

"Go on, you brat," he laughed, shooing him away. "I have to go and get ready for my classes. Which means that _you_ have school soon."

The academy student wrinkled his nose in disgruntlement, but went along without protest. It really wasn't worth the hassle. He already had his stuff anyway, so he might as well get going.

While he was walking away, his father moved past him at a brisk pace, calling out to his older brother.

"Hey, wait up, Tadashi! I have to ask you something about the party. Do you know if Karin and Hinata are going to be there? I remember Karin complaining about it, saying that she thought it'd be too awkward."

"Well, you know that Hinata would never miss it, and she said that she'd drag Karin along, so—"

Their voices faded away as Shikadai approached the compound's entrance, and he stuffed his hands in his pockets. Having family around was great, sure, but it wasn't much fun when they all just used that as an opportunity to tease him. Still, he was grateful that they were always there for him.

Some people didn't have that.

But even as Shikadai let out a sigh, his dark mood was significantly improved by the person waiting for him outside of the gate.

"Yo!" Boruto called out, grinning widely as he approached. "Man, took you long enough!"

"Well, I didn't know that you were out here," Shikadai pointed out dryly, even as he fell in step beside the other boy.

"You should've been able to sense me!" Boruto declared, folding his hands behind his head with a huff. "Or is all of your crazy Uncle's training for nothing?"

"He doesn't train me in stuff like _that_ ," Shikadai said, barely resisting the urge to roll his eyes. Boruto could be kinda predictable— it was all about training, ramen, and family with this kid.

Oh, speaking of which— "Himawari's birthday is coming up soon, right? My dad was talking about it earlier."

"Yep!" Boruto beamed, excited as always to talk about his beloved little sister. "You and the others are gonna come, right?"

"Like I could escape it," Shikadai teased, dodging Boruto's half-hearted punch. "Mirai's been worrying over what to get her as a present for weeks. She'd never let me get away with ditching."

"You better," Boruto threatened, shaking his fist in emphasis. "After all, it's gonna be the best party ever!"

The ' _or else_ ' was silent, but Shikadai could definitely sense it.

But he was reminded of his earlier thoughts, and though he hated to ask... "Is your Dad going to be there?"

Boruto frowned, crossing his arms. "He said so, yeah. And let me tell you, there's gonna be a serious problem if he doesn't. I mean, I know that it wasn't his fault that he missed _my_ birthday, but it still sucks, y'know? And Hima deserves better than that."

 _So do you_ , Shikadai wanted to say, but he kept it to himself. He didn't think he'd ever be able to understand how Boruto's family worked.

In a time when transportation seals were pretty much everywhere, he'd never had to go long without seeing his mom or dad. And there had never been a time in his life when one of his uncles wasn't five minutes away, Tadashi especially, since he taught specialized classes at the academy. Having one of them wander off for months on end was just unfathomable to him.

"Where'd he go this time?"

Boruto shrugged. "I don't know. Pops knows something, but he hasn't said anything about it, so I'm kinda at a loss. I really _do_ think that he'll be back in time, though, especially since Uncle Jūgo went with him. It's just hard."

Shikadai hummed in agreement, letting Boruto take the moment to organize his thoughts.

"I guess..." he started, looking understandably frustrated. "I get it, y'know? Being in the village is really tough for him sometimes. I _get_ that. But..."

"It still sucks," Shikadai filled in for him, smiling sympathetically.

"Yeah." Boruto gave him a lopsided grin, but his mind still seemed to be a hundred miles away. "I think it was the clones that did it this time. All those Shin's, or whatever. They freaked him out."

"I'd be pretty freaked out too," Shikadai agreed. Being part of an almost extinct clan, only to find out that some weirdo had managed to synthetically recreate your kekkei genkai and jam it into a bunch of mini-clones? _Definitely_ freaky. "They were brought to the orphanage, weren't they?"

"Yeah, and thank god that Kabuto offered to take them in," Boruto groaned. "Otherwise I'm pretty sure that Pops was planning on adopting them all on the spot."

Shikadai snickered. "What, you don't want more brothers?"

"No way!" Boruto protested, so vehemently that Shikadai couldn't resist a laugh. "The ones I have are bad enough!"

"I don't know, Raiden is pretty cool," Shikadai mused, sticking his tongue out childishly at Boruto's disgusted look. Boruto had long been exasperated by his father's ability to seemingly find sad, orphaned children wherever he went. It was only thanks to the intervention of his husband that he didn't take them all in.

Some, however, had managed to slip through.

"You only think that because you don't have to live with him!" Boruto complained. "Whenever he's not off mooning over his stupid boyfriend, he's back home— completely torturing me!"

"That's just how he shows affection," Shikadai said teasingly, though he found himself feeling secretly glad that he'd been able to lift up the other's mood.

Boruto rolled his eyes. "If _that's_ the case, then I have no idea why Kinoto keeps him around. That would be the worst."

"Well, I guess we'll have to wait and see," Shikadai conceded gracefully. "He's going to be at the party, right?"

"Yep! Everybody will be there, including most of our classmates. Sarada's been talking about it for a while— or, in that weird _'I don't care but I actually care a lot'_ way that she does. Uncle Obito volunteered to stab anyone who tried to skip out, so we've pretty much got guaranteed attendance by the whole village."

"That sounds about right," Shikadai said, feeling himself go pale at the thought of receiving vengeance from one of the last Uchihas. He liked all of his organs to stay _inside_ of his body, thanks.

"Hey, man," Boruto said quietly, bumping shoulders with him when Shikadai gave him an inquisitive look. "Thanks. I mean it. I guess you're not too awful to have around."

Shikadai smiled, so wide that his cheeks were almost hurting. "Same to you, I guess. Even if you _are_ the most troublesome guy I've ever known."

"Ha, fair enough. Well then, I'll race you the rest of the way to school!" Boruto challenged, eyes sparkling.

"You're on!" The two kids laughed together as they made their way through the busy Konohagakure streets, fighting and shoving to be the first one to arrive.

On their wrists, covered by black bands, two golden compasses were shining.

* * *

 **notes:**

Wow... thirty chapters and over 60k words. Thank you guys so much for sticking with me! The discussions I was able to have because of this fic were absolutely wonderful, and all of your comments always made me so happy! I'd like to extend a special thanks to my anonymous reviewers— I can't talk to you directly, like I do with the others, but rest assured that I deeply appreciate what you have to say!

Tadashi was a fun character for me to write, and it's honestly rather hard to let go of him. I'm just glad that I was able to give him the happy ending he deserved! :)

If anyone has questions, or wants to talk to me about the fic, feel free to come over to my tumblr! I'll also be posting a kind of "in review" thing where I'll be talking a little about the fic. I'm at [mm-mendell].


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